let’s just feed them, shall we?
Posted on | April 5, 2010 | 189 Comments
you ever see something on twitter or facebook that just irks you? if the answer is no, you either don’t have either of those or only associate with people who have all the same opinions as you. the 2nd isn’t likely. today i saw a few tweets about formula feeding that rubbed this mama the wrong way. i don’t really expect things like that to get to me anymore, seeing as how it’s been almost 6 months since H drank from a bottle, but i guess i was wrong.
before i start, i am in no way trying to start some formula vs. breastfeeding debate. i know the pros and cons of both, i’ve done both and am not creating a platform for anyone to hop on a tall pony. i’m not even on a tall pony. i don’t even own one (but omg i want a pony! actually a unicorn. a magic unicorn riding a narwhal).
since the person who tweeted the nonsense doesn’t even follow me i decided to spout my .02 and say my piece in 140. the reaction i received was overwhelming with other moms who had the same difficulties, the same guilt and the same feelings. it made me sad to see how many women had been judged for either their choice to use formula or their inability to breastfeed.
my ability to half smile so soon after screaming horrid profanities in a string i didn’t even know *I* could put together, astounds even me.
without telling you every last wretched detail of my attempts to give H the boob (because i’ve touched on this before, albeit a long time ago), i will say i tried until i could try no more. until after my 3rd visit with the lactation consultant, a lovely woman who tried just as hard, but couldn’t tell me H was getting anything after a half hour feeding and weighing. after a awful recovery, spinal headache from a bad epidural, and a stomach bug at 5 days postpartum. i pumped until i succumbed to the fact that if my pump was getting 1 ounce in 30 minutes, my sisters probably weren’t doing the job. HOURS spent pumping. HOURS spent feeding a baby who wasn’t getting squat. HOURS spent worrying, crying, feeling guilty, missing precious time with my new daughter (bonding? where?) and then MONTHS spent riddled with guilt every time i fed her a bottle. every time i saw another mother breastfeeding. i would hide the formula under things in my cart. feel awful when the checker would scan it. tell myself i was costing our family money because of my inability to make milk.
i know i’m not the only one.
i wanted to wear a shirt that said “I KNOW breast is best. LAY OFF ME I KNOW! i tried and it didn’t work OK SO STOP YOUR SIDE EYES BEFORE I STAB YOUR FACE!”. as the months went by, i felt better. as i realized it wasn’t the end of the world (an almost impossible thing for a new mom to grasp when breastfeeding was their only plan), i felt more secure and stopped caring. 17 months later i can say i never think about it (except on days like this when people say ignorant things). but once i let go of the guilt i was able to see how much bonding H and i were getting regardless of how i was feeding her. she was MUCH happier drinking from a bottle and i was at ease knowing she was getting what she needed. like a really great tweet i got in response today:
“I am in favor of feeding babies.”
sums it up pretty good, yes?
a huge part of my guilt was never thinking i’d use formula. i assumed breastfeeding would just work, and never even thought about it not working. i was just gonna do it. if i had read a blog or two at the time that gave honest info about it and that i shouldn’t feel terribly if it didn’t work, maybe my guilt wouldn’t had been as bad. for those weeks when i was breastfeeding, i felt Harper would be less of a person if i gave her formula. have a lower IQ, get sick more often, not be as close with me. i was wrong. LOOK AT HER. will i try to breastfeed with my next baby? you bet. will my husband have to drag me crying to the hospital to return the pump after 6 weeks of trying to squeeze myself into oblivion? absolutely not.
i look better without my guilt cape.
i have a friend who exclusively pumped because her supply was great but her baby tried to rip her nipples of at every feeding. you know what blew my mind? the way people reacted to that. telling her she should be feeding from the breast. how else would they bond? she needs that closeness, etc, etc, SHUDDUP. this kid is getting breastmilk and they still have something to say about how it’s getting in there? just wow, people! the part that makes me the most crazy about all this formula judgement? it’s all from women! where is the support ladies? the comraderie, the “we’re all in this together” stuff? i’m not saying let’s sing kumbayah and braid eathothers hair (although that would be nice, i like a good french braid), but for craps sake a little support of our sisters? sheesh.
if you see a person shaking up a bottle in public, try not to judge. maybe that person tried until they could try no more. maybe that person is married to a woman who hides formula under clothes at target and cries all night in guilt. maybe that person just wants to feed their baby. and if you’re pregnant, try as hard as you feel comfortable, but know if it doesn’t work, everything will be ok. i promise.
post summary: i’m pro-breastfeeding. i’m pro-formula feeding. i’m pro-feeding your baby. yep, that’s my boob.
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189 Responses to “let’s just feed them, shall we?”
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proudly sporting my super mama cape since 2008. i like to craft, eat noodles, tweet like mad, and long for more time with my handsome husband. i'm simply trying to navigate through the early years and come out on the other side with a kid who doesn't repeat words i use in the car. wish me luck.
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April 5th, 2010 @ 11:04 pm
I agree with every letter of every word!
Every picture of you looks like it’s from a sypermodel’s portfolio.
Nice boob.
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April 5th, 2010 @ 11:15 pm
Do what works for you. fuck the haters. /fin.
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April 5th, 2010 @ 11:48 pm
AMEN, sistafriend!!! THANK YOU for writing these words. i love the idea of “i support feeding babies”. love, love, LOVE.
i was lucky enough to be physically able to offer p exclusively breastmilk for nearly 8 months. there was a LOT of hardship, stress, tears, pain, BLOOD, more pain, more stress, more tears, etc involved, and you can bet it was NOT an easy process for either myself or my baby. and yet? i was criticized along the way for a) exclusively pumping (NEVER MIND that nursing DID NOT WORK FOR US and b) weaning before a year (NEVER MIND THE 7 MONTHS i fully committed my body & soul! for some people it’s never enough…)
i can categorically say that if i have another baby, i will make a concerted effort to be FAR easier on myself with the breastfeeding (or not!) issue. like you, i had a crazy-supportive husband who understood both my insistence on trying to breastfeed, and also the many reasons it was terribly difficult/all but impossible – in fact my entire family was super supportive of any decision i made. nonetheless, i made a ton of sacrifices and was hell-bent on making breastfeeding work, my own comfort be damned. i can certainly see very clearly where guilt can cripple brand new mothers who are just trying to do their best to stay on their own two feet and nourish their children – ignorant stigmas and hatred are thrown forth from people who don’t have a clue in the world…
i don’t know what words inspired you to write this post, but i can pretty much guess, because like you i’ve been privy to it all. i think if nothing else, this is a great reminder that we are all in this together – the greater good of raising healthy, happy, wonderful babies – and that we should all have the backs (and boobs) of our fellow mama friends, however near or far…
much luv to ye, woman! xoxo.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:31 am
probably one of our most talked about topics, huh? :] BOOBIES
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:31 am
probably one of our most talked about topics, huh? :] BOOBIES
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April 5th, 2010 @ 11:53 pm
such a great post! and so true. thank you for sharing your story!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:19 am
Thank you! I am bf’ing now, but the pump hates me. I have to go back to work in 16 days. I’m trying to stock up, but there is a very big chance that things don’t work out. Will I do everything in my power to continue? Yes. Will I succeed? I don’t know. Will I feel guilty if I don’t? Probably. Should I? No.
Yay for babyfeeding!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:41 am
I touched on this in my own blog a little while ago and I am glad to see someone else who shares my view!
I am pro baby feeding too, breast is best but not always possible.
Here is my blog post http://www.jenniferlindsay.com.au/blog/the-great-parenting-debate/
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April 6th, 2010 @ 3:43 am
THANK YOU. we had a very similar experience – and Mommy feels guilty/bitter/upset every single time she buys formula – despite having tried everything for almost 3 months.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 4:46 am
My fav judge story goes like this:
My girl-friend was shaking up a bottle for her newborn while they were out in public. As she started feeding her bebe some QTip walked over to her spewing about breatmilk, and what a shame it was when mothers picked formula. My friend turned and replied that as her
new bebe had been adopted into their family a week ago, bfing was not a possibility. And then she told the old bat to kindly eff off.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:32 am
oldies are the worst, aren’t they? so opinionated. ooh, i bet it felt amazing to tell her where to go.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:32 am
oldies are the worst, aren’t they? so opinionated. ooh, i bet it felt amazing to tell her where to go.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 4:47 am
1) Nice boob
2) I (like you did) plan on breastfeeding exclusively and haven’t really thought about the formula option. I am planning this because of the health reasons and the cost of formula (mama isn’t working…and yikes is it expensive!). But if for any reason it doesn’t work out I will probably come back to this post and your original on the issue because you have a really great outlook on the subject.
3) Baby feeding no matter how always seems like the right thing to do. To me at least…
4) Sometimes I find myself almost deleting my fb and twitter accounts because of those oh-so-irritating comments. But so far I have been able to stop myself…
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:03 am
A-freaking- MEN.
That is all.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:04 am
There’s nothing more magical than waking up to a post that includes mentions of unicorns, narwhals and a pic of a boob.
Oh, and shows an insanely cute babeh to boot.
Well. Said.
I firmly believe that parenthood is not about “the right way.” It’s about “the right way for your family.” There is a huge difference. I don’t care what your child eats. As long as it works for your family. (And is legal and not causing injury to anyone).
It distresses me that women are so critical of each other’s choices and struggles. However, I look at Turtle and I am proud of the choices we made. We have a child whose first ten days were spent in a NICU and who is now a happy, healthy, whip-smart, engaging little boy.
Anyone who judges me and tells me that I didn’t do enough or do the right thing can suck it. I don’t have time for that brand of hater-ade.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:33 am
“There’s nothing more magical than waking up to a post that includes mentions of unicorns, narwhals and a pic of a boob. ”
one of the best comments of all time!
absolutely to all the rest. absolutely.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:33 am
“There’s nothing more magical than waking up to a post that includes mentions of unicorns, narwhals and a pic of a boob. ”
one of the best comments of all time!
absolutely to all the rest. absolutely.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:09 am
ah, the age old formula vs boobie milk. moms today.
you do what you gotta- maybe peeps’ll figure that out one day.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:13 am
AWE.SOME post my friend! i had the SAME exact situation as you. after the 41.75 hours of labor…things went great…she latched great…after my colostrum was done and my milk came in…i got super super sick…like couldn’t lift my head…nausea…dizzies…couldn’t take care of my baby sick. i couldn’t eat or drink for 48 hours and it was slow goings once i could stomach anything.
my supply suffered…ok who am i kidding…not so sure there ever was a supply. (all of this went down as my milk came in.)
just like you i spent countless hours with my pump and NOT MY BABY. i feel more guilty about this than the formula! after a month i had to give up. when you sit with a pump on your boob for a HOUR and only get MAYBE 1/4 of a ounce…its not going to work.
in the end…she is healthy…super smart…and happy. i eventually got over it. i will try with the next one…but i won’t stress if the same thing happens.
its posts like this that i WISH i had before ella was born.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:35 am
oh lady. that is just awful. i’m so sorry! bad recoveries are the WORST.
but Ella is awesome and healthy and PERFECT!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:35 am
oh lady. that is just awful. i’m so sorry! bad recoveries are the WORST.
but Ella is awesome and healthy and PERFECT!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:17 am
THANK YOU for this post!
I myself tried breastfeeding, but with no success. Talk about feeling like a failure! I was told, by a MAN (yeah, total expert on the whole topic, huh), that I didn’t try hard enough (at breastfeeding) and that if I really wanted to I could have.
It took every ounce of my being not to castrate him at that very moment.
Thank you for this wonderful post – It’s great knowing we’re not alone!!!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:37 am
wanting to is certainly not enough. oh how i wish it were. HUGS.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:37 am
wanting to is certainly not enough. oh how i wish it were. HUGS.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:21 am
Wow, I love your rack. Oh wait, that wasn’t the point of this post? Oh, right. ::clears throat::
That was a much needed dose of perspective for a mama who has never experienced those problems. Thanks for sharing.
Oh, and nice rack.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:29 am
AMEN.
I would have loved to breastfeed.
But I made the decision 2 1/2 years ago to no longer live in pain, had my boobs chopped in half, my nipple moved to a different place and SHOCKER! no milk.
I never planned on breastfeeding. I was very public about that. Privately, I thought I would try it if milk came in.
Which it did. Sort of. Almost 2 weeks post partum. In two patches, on the left breast. So basically, BOOB FAIL.
& I still wore a guilt cape even though FORMULA WAS WHAT I WANTED. The good news is? My pediatrician told me that at this point with Harry’s allergies & reflux, he would have told me to STOP breastfeeding because it would have been too taxing on me to cut everything out of my diet on top of PPD. Guilt cape, see you later!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:43 am
As someone who has just spent 14 nights crying uncontrollably while trying to get the hang of this insanely difficult breastfeeding thing, I commend you for trying so long. Formula thoughts have crossed my mind on the harder nights (my mom even put some in the cupboard) but so far we are doing it.
That said a huge reason I’ve stuck to it, even this long is guilt related. I’m not a quitter but this? It’s bananas. I wish you’d done this post 2 weeks ago, I bet it would have saved me some hysteria.
Good for you and I totally agree – just feed your baby and support your peers. My sister and BFF both had issues and formula fed and thier kids are awesome. Full of food is better than starving from lack of breastmilk.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:41 am
just remember it isn’t quitting. you’re still going to feed your baby! try as long as you feel comfortable. i’ve heard from many BFers that after a while (diff for each person) it becomes less painful (it has to right???:)
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:41 am
just remember it isn’t quitting. you’re still going to feed your baby! try as long as you feel comfortable. i’ve heard from many BFers that after a while (diff for each person) it becomes less painful (it has to right???:)
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:44 am
I gotta be honest, I’m a little pissed off about this post. It should have been written 2 months ago when Staci was going through the same exact deal. She could have used this info for support. But I sure it will help others. Be good.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:43 am
i wish i had known. if she’s anything like me and the rest of these ladies, maybe reading this will still help her? we women hold onto the guilt for a lonnnng time.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:43 am
i wish i had known. if she’s anything like me and the rest of these ladies, maybe reading this will still help her? we women hold onto the guilt for a lonnnng time.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:50 am
Mandy, wow. I’m so proud of you for writing this amazing post. THANK YOU. I had no idea you struggled so hard. I think that sometimes I take for granted, not that it was easy for me (because in the beginning it wasn’t), but that I was able to make it work (and that is not all me tooting my own horn because I don’t think *I* had much to do with that, and still don’t know how I managed).
I think mainly the fact that K was able to latch right away really helped me a lot. I can’t imagine the frustration and sadness that comes with a baby not being able to latch, or with low supply. If my only option was pumping, I would have had to switch, too, as I was one of those people who could not pump anything.
You are a wonderful mom, and it makes me so sad to hear the guilt you went through. My apologies if for any reason anything I’ve ever said has made you feel that way.
I am pro feeding babies and I am pro YOU, Mandy.
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Jill @BabyRabies Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 5:51 am
“not AT all me tooting my own horn”
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:48 am
you’ve never said anything to offend me! in fact, you are so awesome because of your understanding towards all situations. i really admire that about you and it’s why i’m proud to call you my friend. loves.
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Jill @BabyRabies Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 5:51 am
“not AT all me tooting my own horn”
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:48 am
you’ve never said anything to offend me! in fact, you are so awesome because of your understanding towards all situations. i really admire that about you and it’s why i’m proud to call you my friend. loves.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:54 am
Amen, amen, amen. I wrote a very similar post a few weeks ago. I cannot freaking stand the “high and mighty” lactivists that act like formula is POISON. DRIVES ME BATSHIT CRAZY.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:55 am
I could have almost written this post….I had a decent supply but my daughter would not latch. It was heartbreaking when I realized bfing wasn’t going to work for us. I felt so guilty and cried so much. I pumped for 6 weeks but could go on no longer. It felt like all I was doing was pumping. I decided I would rather spend more time enjoying my daughter by feeding her formula then having to pump every two hours. It was such a hard choice but so much better for all of us.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:50 am
choosing to finally stop was the hardest. at the same time such a relief. SIGH. good for you for doing what was best for your family. hugs.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:50 am
choosing to finally stop was the hardest. at the same time such a relief. SIGH. good for you for doing what was best for your family. hugs.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:56 am
I wholeheartedly agree. I am pro baby feeding. I tried with my 3rd son to breastfeed. God I tried, I sat in bed with a pump attached to me for hours, sobbing. Eventually I switched to formula. I felt sooo guilty for a long time. But you know what? He is just fine. In fact he is a stunning, smart, witty and healthy almost five year old now. If I am blessed with more babies, I will try again, but wont cry over a breast pump again.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:53 am
i have visions still of trying to get H on my boob or pumping and crying and omg, the overwhelming emotion and guilt and “please just work!”. i won’t let that happen again. thanks for your comment!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:53 am
i have visions still of trying to get H on my boob or pumping and crying and omg, the overwhelming emotion and guilt and “please just work!”. i won’t let that happen again. thanks for your comment!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:56 am
Kudos to you for getting that baby fed!
That’s really all that matters. I don’t know why people EVER feel the need to latch their opinions on to pregnant/nursing/new moms and let them hang there like freaking dice on a mirror. It’s annoying. I don’t have dice on my mirror and I don’t want your nasty, taxi driver opinions hanging off my neck either.
Wait what was I saying? Oh yeah. Good job on this post. I managed to breastfeed. I hated (hate) it. It hurts. It stings. It is a pain in my big fat butt. But I was lucky enough to make it work. And trust me, when it comes to breastfeeding? It’s all about luck.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:59 am
i know, right?
whatever you can stick in that little gullet
to stop the screaming!
i wouldn’t let baby 1 touch anything but boob.
baby 2 was formula AND boob until 9 months.
the worst thing for a mom and baby?
stress.
so just don’t feed THAT to babies.
we are seriously just trying to keep them alive over here!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:55 am
i definitely agree my stress levels about BFing made it harder. she picked up on it and feedings were that much worse. next time around i know i will be more relaxed and less pressured (by myself) and it could work. who knows!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 10:55 am
i definitely agree my stress levels about BFing made it harder. she picked up on it and feedings were that much worse. next time around i know i will be more relaxed and less pressured (by myself) and it could work. who knows!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:00 am
I love the expression “guilt cape”.
I have to say, I know what brought this post on and I spent alllll afternoon yesterday trying to think of a way to get everyone involved to just be friends again. As someone who was lucky enough to make breastfeeding work (after a zillion hours of struggling and tears and pain SO MUCH PAIN) I often feel caught in the middle. I didn’t try harder than anyone else, I just got lucky and had a problem that could be fixed.
Some of the comments made were harsh and probably intentionally inflammatory but I honestly believe breast feeding advocates really are trying to support women. We (I’ll include myself) want breastfeeding to be the first choice, easy, cheap, pain-free, and socially acceptable. I KNOW you know how isolated and lonely and horrible those first few weeks can be when breastfeeding isn’t working and the advocates want women to know that’s OK and normal and support is available. They (we) want to provide information to women who have never seen breastfeeding as an option due to social norms and cultural expectations. They (we) are trying to help. Which can end up being as patronizing as it sounds.
I DON’T, however, think advocacy has any business judging formula. My own BFF struggled with a ton of bfing issues for weeks before becoming an exclusive pumper for months until her supply was so low she was pumping air. Now she uses formula. And her son is perfect.
So yes, I am pro-baby feeding. Because if you don’t, they get all whiny and loud and shit.
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:13 am
Amen, and LOL
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:06 am
i totally agree with and support lactavism. I DO. i support anyone who is trying to breastfeed and spread awareness to people who have wrong impressions of breastfeeding. i support anyone trying to help mothers breastfeed. i used LC’s and the love and support i found there was immense.
the comments i do not appreciate is trying to scare mothers into thinking formula is poison. it may not be breastmilk, but it’s the closest thing we have and the only option if BFing doesn’t work. sometimes people who support BFing say things in a manner that make mothers who can’t BF feel bad. the thing is, we (as shown here by the MANY comments) can make ourselves feel bad enough on our own without people using words like poison and lower IQ and other things i’ve heard about formula.
the thing that must be remembered is that in a lot of cases, BFing WAS OUR PLAN. it is a slap in the face when someone says “why aren’t you breastfeeding your baby?”.
thanks for your comment lady. like i said, i am pro-bfing and appreciate people who are spreading the word about it.
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:13 am
Amen, and LOL
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:06 am
i totally agree with and support lactavism. I DO. i support anyone who is trying to breastfeed and spread awareness to people who have wrong impressions of breastfeeding. i support anyone trying to help mothers breastfeed. i used LC’s and the love and support i found there was immense.
the comments i do not appreciate is trying to scare mothers into thinking formula is poison. it may not be breastmilk, but it’s the closest thing we have and the only option if BFing doesn’t work. sometimes people who support BFing say things in a manner that make mothers who can’t BF feel bad. the thing is, we (as shown here by the MANY comments) can make ourselves feel bad enough on our own without people using words like poison and lower IQ and other things i’ve heard about formula.
the thing that must be remembered is that in a lot of cases, BFing WAS OUR PLAN. it is a slap in the face when someone says “why aren’t you breastfeeding your baby?”.
thanks for your comment lady. like i said, i am pro-bfing and appreciate people who are spreading the word about it.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:11 am
Woohoo, I tweeted that! I totally agree with everything you said. I work with a lactivist, and I have to say that one of the only reasons I am still breastfeeding/pumping is so that I don’t have to endure her withering stares of judgment for “quitting.” But you know what? Either way, my baby is going to have a full tummy and be happy. The haters can go kick rocks.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:07 am
yeah you did! you KICK ASS!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:07 am
yeah you did! you KICK ASS!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:13 am
i absolutely love you and i love this blog!!!!!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:18 am
loved this post.
i have to say after having three kids, sometimes it’s the baby and not the boob, there are kids that just take better to a bottle. I had lots of luck bfing two but not my middle child.
You have to make the choice for yourself and the baby, and not let other people interfere.
ps you are adorable, i see where harper gets her good looks.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:19 am
Awesome. I love the “in favor of feeding babies” tweet. As if being a new mom wasn’t enough, breastfeeding and the pressure around it is tough! People need to keep the hell outta your bra and just let you take care of your kid. I’m not quite sure what people think gives them carte blanche to tell someone else how to raise their kid, but shut it. Do what works.
(btw, I think people are totally jumping higher on the bandwagon because of the latest news. I’m not saying bf is not great, but the vocalness ebbs and flows. It’ll simmer after a bit)
You rock.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:21 am
I had a rough time nursing Sage. The pain brought a string of swear words that made me blush. I resented her for the pain I was in. I kept it up exclusively for 4 months. At her 4 month appointment, I found out she had lost weight from her 2 month appointment. Talk about guilt. And tears. I was starving my baby in my attempts to exclusively nurse her. I felt guilty for having to give her formula. I continued to nurse her, pump after the feedings, shove that bottle into her mouth, and then give her formula. After a couple of weeks, she decided she only wanted the bottle. By five months, I gave up. It was too much. Thank goodness for formula otherwise she would have starved to death.
Phoenix was easier. It still hurt like hell, and we went through a bout of thrush that made it hurt even worse. I wanted to just walk away from it many times, but it was working. I know from experience that if you have a bad experience the first time around, you can still have success the second time around. Regardless, FEED your babies! Who cares how! Just feed ‘em!! Bonding comes with hanging out with your kid. I will not be convinced that you can’t bond with your kid if you don’t nurse them. Ludicrous.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:09 am
word lady.
yeah, Harper and i aren’t very close. i don’t even think she likes me.
PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT :]
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:09 am
word lady.
yeah, Harper and i aren’t very close. i don’t even think she likes me.
PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT :]
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:21 am
Amen, Mandy! So well said. I tried and tried and saw a lactation consultant twice and pumped and cried and gave it up after 4 weeks and felt guilty as all get out. I still feel guilty at times, even now that Liam is 9 months old. Will I try again with our next baby? For sure. Did your post make me feel better about my decision? FOR SURE.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:11 am
HOW is Liam 9 months old? HOWWWWW?
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:11 am
HOW is Liam 9 months old? HOWWWWW?
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:22 am
I still feel so much guilt pulling out the bottle and shaking it in public. I had the exact.same.experience and it was mind blowing. I just thought it would be so much easier. Now that Bubbette is 8 months old, I feel less guilty, but I still see those women in public watching me shake that bottle and whispering. I just keep thinking…they want to take away my woman-card. Thank you for writing this. It helps to see you’re not alone.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:17 am
you hit the nail on the head. my boobs not working made me feel like i wasn’t a woman. i mean that is what they are there to do – make the milk, feed the babes. and it didn’t work? woman card revoked. seeing mothers breastfeed their babies in those early days was HARD. i wanted what they had. i have to remind myself for most of them, they had most likely been through lots of pain and suffering as well. because for most, BFing is HARD whether or not it is successful.
we aren’t alone. look at all these comments!
hugs.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:17 am
you hit the nail on the head. my boobs not working made me feel like i wasn’t a woman. i mean that is what they are there to do – make the milk, feed the babes. and it didn’t work? woman card revoked. seeing mothers breastfeed their babies in those early days was HARD. i wanted what they had. i have to remind myself for most of them, they had most likely been through lots of pain and suffering as well. because for most, BFing is HARD whether or not it is successful.
we aren’t alone. look at all these comments!
hugs.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:25 am
I just wanted to hug and kiss you after I read this post. And no, it wasn’t just because your boob looks fantastic! It’s because I feel the exact same way.
I nearly killed myself and brought on PPD by trying to BF a very sick, jaundiced baby. When I finally gave up I was never more disappointed in myself than at that moment. But I knew that if something didn’t change I was not going to be able to bond with my child. It was the opposite for me. Breastfeeding my baby was a HORRIBLE experience. He screamed and I cried and he made me feel like the worst mom ever and that my boobs were no good. And it.was.a.nightmare.
Tell me, does that sound like a good bonding experience? I tried everything and it still didn’t work.
So those that had an easy go of it can eat my shorts, ya know? Cause they just don’t get what it feels like to WANT something to work so badly but not be able to MAKE it work.
Now that I’m preggers with baby #2 I’m going to try again. But I refuse to feel like a bad mom this time around if my baby is sick and once again rejects my breasts! Seriously, I refuse to lose out on those precious first weeks because I am crying over the fact that my stupid right boob will only make a half an ounce no matter how much I pump.
Suck it, judgey mcjudgersons.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:30 am
Being this early in the morning with no caffeine not sure how rambly this will get.
My first son was a champ from the get go and I had absolutely no problems with breastfeeding him for 7.5 months (yes those .5 are included dammit.) Then one day he started pushing my boob away before he even ate. I kept trying but he was done. Sad, but I can take a hint. Fast forward to son 2. I started out with how easy it was the first time around and I should just try to commit to the whole year. I don’t know if the fact that he was 3 weeks early or he had the head smaller than an apple and I had a boob the size of a grapefruit, but it was different right from birth. I figured that I could work it out, no problem and that was true, kinda. So about the time it was his due date we welcomed colic into our lives. Mean, nasty, crazy colic. Not your standard 12 week variety either. Nope, he was special. We were “blessed” with a full 6 months. During those six months I HAD to succumb to supplementing with formula or I might have died. The high stress of colic made my body not produce milk as well. I felt like a failure, why couldn’t I do it this time around, what was wrong with me? Every situation is different. Just because you want to breastfeed doesn’t mean you can. Just because you had it easy one time doesn’t mean that the next will be the same. Just because you can’t breastfeed every time for every baby doesn’t mean that babies don’t deserve to eat.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:21 am
here here. and omg, 6 months of colic? bless. your. heart.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:21 am
here here. and omg, 6 months of colic? bless. your. heart.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:30 am
Bravo.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:34 am
this was great! i am pro baby feeding too! i have 3 kids. i only formula fed the the first 2 because i wasn’t comfortable with bfing then. didn’t even try to bf. i am now bfing and i love it. but i can tell you and anyone who listens, if it wouldn’t have worked formula would have fed my baby! i wouldn’t have let him go hungry! my girls are smart and healthy and prove that no matter what your baby is fed as long as they are loved and have a full tummy they will come out just fine!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:23 am
i personally think it’s awesome that you gave it a try and it worked, especially after not feeling comfortable about it with the first two! good for you! every mom should be comfortable with their decision to feed their kid regardless of how they do it.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:23 am
i personally think it’s awesome that you gave it a try and it worked, especially after not feeling comfortable about it with the first two! good for you! every mom should be comfortable with their decision to feed their kid regardless of how they do it.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:35 am
I hate that there is such judgement on mother’s for what we cannot help sometimes! I am sure that you are talking about a story on breastfeeding that I re-tweeted myself. I would hate to think that I made any of my friends feel bad! However (and this is a BIG however) I live in a rural state where misinformation abounds, and even though I try not to be judgmental, I have to cringe frequently when I see forward facing INFANT seats, pregnant mothers smoking, babies with mountain dew in bottles…ect. Formula feeding is not a last resort for these moms. They don’t know any other way, because that is all they have been exposed to. The article on breastfeeding advocated better education for moms like these and for hospitals to take responsibility and not push formula so much (anyone else think they have some kind of kickback deal going on with all of the “free” formula/diaper bags/ect given away???). Having had a fairly easy time of breastfeeding my son (if you can call three months of excruciating pain every time he touched my nipple easy) I obviously can’t speak for mom’s who haven’t been able to make it work. But I totally understand. Sometimes, even the most educated/informed/determined moms just can’t do it, whether from physical problems, or having to go back to work, ect. We are all in this together, doing the best we can and like the article said “We really shouldn’t be blaming mothers for this.” You go girl for trying so hard, and so sorry it didn’t work out for you and that judgemental folks have given you a hard time.
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:47 am
And aparently I got so worked up I forgot how to use apostrophes. LOL *mothers*
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:48 am
also, APPARENTLY I can’t spell. LOL
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:48 am
also, APPARENTLY I can’t spell. LOL
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:29 am
totally with you on this. i absolutely support BFing awareness. and like you said, hopefully everyone understands that is not what i’m talking about. i mean the way formula is portrayed so that mothers who can’t BF feel guilty for what they are putting in their babes. i’m referring to people who TRY to BF and can’t. i knew i wasn’t alone, but all these comments really sadden me to see how guilty so many moms are feeling – and that is just the ones who read this blog and comment. imagine how many there are out there? sad.
thanks for your comment, and no, it wasn’t a tweet from you! :]
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:47 am
And aparently I got so worked up I forgot how to use apostrophes. LOL *mothers*
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:29 am
totally with you on this. i absolutely support BFing awareness. and like you said, hopefully everyone understands that is not what i’m talking about. i mean the way formula is portrayed so that mothers who can’t BF feel guilty for what they are putting in their babes. i’m referring to people who TRY to BF and can’t. i knew i wasn’t alone, but all these comments really sadden me to see how guilty so many moms are feeling – and that is just the ones who read this blog and comment. imagine how many there are out there? sad.
thanks for your comment, and no, it wasn’t a tweet from you! :]
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:50 am
Heya sista,
Love the post and I have a question. Totally not being bitchy here at ALL I promise!
I am a breastfeeding mom surrounded by those that are not. My sisters-in-law both didn’t. One by choice and one tried and could not. I really don’t rub it in that I AM breastfeeding but it seems like I’m not even allowed to TALK about breastfeeding without someone rolling their eyes or copping attitude. I get looks so I end up feeding my son in another room if he wants to nurse. I really think it’s an important part of me and my relationship with my son, I do NOT say things in a way to make anyone feel bad and I really don’t want to fight about it at all but at the same time am I supposed to not ever talk about something that is so important to me?
I almost feel GUILTY for being successful. (Which is ironic because we had a very difficult start and I’ve never had such pain in my life. I want to be proud of what I’ve done because it was REALLY hard but we made it through.) I feel like I have to deny a part of who I am and what’s important to me in order to have people feel comfortable and I usually tend to do that to keep the peace.
Any suggestions on how to be true to myself and at the same time be sensitive to others’ feelings about the topic?
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:09 am
Jo,
I feel the SAME way. Most people around me formula feed. I feel like I need to hide when I am breastfeeding, especially since he is 13 months old now (and that is just unheard of around here). And God forbid I actually SAY something about bfing, or being proud about how long I have lasted (through three really rough months of cracked and bleeding nipples, and two surgeries). No, I feel like I can’t even mention it, for fear that people will get defensive and respond negatively. This is obviously a problem that goes both ways. Perhaps a group hair braiding session would help
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Jo Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Yes! Exactly! You should write a post about it…LOL
And yes to the hair braiding…a thousand times yes.
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Jo Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Yes! Exactly! You should write a post about it…LOL
And yes to the hair braiding…a thousand times yes.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
this saddens me too! because my plan was to BF, i’d hate to think that others would make me feel uncomfortable for being successful. but i get what you’re saying. for me (and this is just me) i personally was never uncomfortable with people around me being successful because that is the goal, right? sure, it stung to see people BFing in public, i often wondered, “how come her and not me?” but still, felt a little cheerleader come out inside like “yay! she’s doing it!”.
as far as what not to say to an unsuccessful BFer? well it’s things i can’t imagine you’d say anyways. things stating anything about how “bad” formula is is obviously a no-no. saying things like “if you had just tried harder” is not cool. but like i said, you wouldn’t spout those to begin with.
as far as things to say? just be supportive. i wasn’t a huge fan of talking about it because i felt like a failure, but even friends and family who said it would be ok (even if i didn’t feel it would be at the time) were helpful.
and honey? you SHOULD be proud of your success.
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Brittany Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:09 am
Jo,
I feel the SAME way. Most people around me formula feed. I feel like I need to hide when I am breastfeeding, especially since he is 13 months old now (and that is just unheard of around here). And God forbid I actually SAY something about bfing, or being proud about how long I have lasted (through three really rough months of cracked and bleeding nipples, and two surgeries). No, I feel like I can’t even mention it, for fear that people will get defensive and respond negatively. This is obviously a problem that goes both ways. Perhaps a group hair braiding session would help
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
this saddens me too! because my plan was to BF, i’d hate to think that others would make me feel uncomfortable for being successful. but i get what you’re saying. for me (and this is just me) i personally was never uncomfortable with people around me being successful because that is the goal, right? sure, it stung to see people BFing in public, i often wondered, “how come her and not me?” but still, felt a little cheerleader come out inside like “yay! she’s doing it!”.
as far as what not to say to an unsuccessful BFer? well it’s things i can’t imagine you’d say anyways. things stating anything about how “bad” formula is is obviously a no-no. saying things like “if you had just tried harder” is not cool. but like i said, you wouldn’t spout those to begin with.
as far as things to say? just be supportive. i wasn’t a huge fan of talking about it because i felt like a failure, but even friends and family who said it would be ok (even if i didn’t feel it would be at the time) were helpful.
and honey? you SHOULD be proud of your success.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:52 am
i could’ve written this exact post. almost literally. i cried at our two day check-up when they told me that cayden wasn’t being fed enough and had lost even more weight.
i cried when i was told i needed to supplement with formula. and i cried again when i would pump and get ONE OUNCE from each breast. it was awful. i wanted so badly to breastfeed and had never even considered that my boobs just. wouldn’t. work.
frustration for sure.
but you know what, we have a very happy and very healthy baby that has been formula fed from about three weeks on. and while it was hard for me at first, as time went on, it was ok, you know?
great post. i think that many new mamas don’t realize that sometimes your boobs don’t work right. and other mamas that have no problems breastfeeding don’t understand why it doesn’t work for others. thanks mandy…
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:00 am
I have struggled with whether to breast feed or formula feed. I had chosen to formula feed, but almost everyone says you have to at least try to breast feed. So I felt a little guilty. My baby is due in June and I have decided to formula feed for sure. I don’t really care what everyone else thinks. This is my baby and not theirs and everyone has their opinion. I am not against the breast feeding at all. I just think I would be happier formula feeding. Thank you for this blog. You Rock!!!!!!!!!!! And your baby is precious.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:15 am
ya know?
i have more.
i felt incredible guilt weaning my 9 month old
and i still feel guilty about the formula
not because it isn’t what is best for us
because IT IS
after 9 months of being a human pacifier
(even though she drank formula also)
like i have to justify
but isn’t that the point? that we make each other justify our choice or experience?
somehow we know better than to touch on certain self-esteem related issues but we all seem to have something to say on this one.
how about this?
every time some other lady gives me unsolicited advice on my boobs and their worth and their function,
I will gladly give back some unsolicited advice on anal sex and blowjobs.
because that is TOTALLY MORE APPROPRIATE.
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Jo Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:43 am
LMAO
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Jo Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 7:43 am
LMAO
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:24 am
There is a lactation consultant here in DC who always makes “Feed the baby” her first objective. She’ll get you breastfeeding eventually but she won’t let a baby starve in the meantime in the name of the Almighty Breast. I think she should be cannonized.
The most important thing is that everyone in the family be as healthy and happy as they can be. No one gets to decide how that happens except the family.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
that is awesome.
the LC’s i worked with (one in particular)was incredible. the nurses were what shocked me. i get that they have tons of new moms each day and perhaps they get sick of the same old routine over and over but for shits sake, help a girl out. and i was at a “breastfeeding friendly” hospital.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
that is awesome.
the LC’s i worked with (one in particular)was incredible. the nurses were what shocked me. i get that they have tons of new moms each day and perhaps they get sick of the same old routine over and over but for shits sake, help a girl out. and i was at a “breastfeeding friendly” hospital.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:26 am
SOOOO WELL SAID!
So many people NeED to hear this. The sad thing is that some people aren’t willing to change their view and they become to proud of themselves for being able to breastfeed that they don’t accept anyone else’s way of feeding a baby. Babies need to eat and however we choose to do it, we need to be proud that we are able to give them what they need to thrive!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:38 am
Holla that, Mandy!
Like almost all of the other commenters, I completely relate to this post. I, too, tried everything in my power to breastfeed.
Lasted six weeks.
Realized enough was enough when I was sobbing, forcing a wailing baby to my chest. She was hungry. I was so riddled with anxiety that I could hardly see straight. Switching to formula helped save both of us.
SAVED. US.
That’s all that matters, right?
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
yes. it saved us too. i was spiraling downward quickly and thought i’d explode from anxiety every time i’d feed her. my husband was worried, my family was worried…gah. it was bad. although “giving in” was the hardest thing ever, it was absolutely necessary for my sanity and Harper needed a sane mom.
hugs.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
yes. it saved us too. i was spiraling downward quickly and thought i’d explode from anxiety every time i’d feed her. my husband was worried, my family was worried…gah. it was bad. although “giving in” was the hardest thing ever, it was absolutely necessary for my sanity and Harper needed a sane mom.
hugs.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:43 am
DITTO
With the Peanut I just didn’t make enough milk so she was a half and half baby and it was awesome! At first there was lots of mommy guilt about not being able to feed my babym but then I realized – I could feed her, dada could feed her, anyone could feed her because she would nurse some, and formula bottle the rest. And becuase this awesome system worked for us, we knew that with Little Man, we would do the same thing whether or not I could exclusive nurse. He does nures a lot mor ehta Peanut, but he still gets formula bottles at school and one or two at home becusae a) the boobies need a break every once in awhile and so does mommy and b) I simply can’t pump enough for him.
Happy to say ~ both kids are freaking rock stars. Totally support FEED YOUR BABY!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
AWESOME lady!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
AWESOME lady!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:50 am
THANK YOU
I STILL get judged because I could not breast feed…. and after 4 months of pumping I just could not keep up with it while also working and taking care of a baby, so I switched to formula. It’s amazing how many people (strangers included!!) who would ask why I wasn’t breastfeeding. 1.) NONE of your beezwax, and 2.) He would NOT latch… Which would then be followed by, “well, if you keep trying maybe he’ll latch”
Again, none of your business, but I should have yelled to EVERY questioner that “I have INVERTED NIPPLES, you happy??? YOU try playing a game a ‘whack a mole’ with my nipples while you’re STARVING and see how easy it is!!” I would have especially loved to have yelled that to my mother-in-law who was the biggest offender…
No one knows what the circumstances are, and why is it a big deal in the first place? My child obviously eats enough, he’s plump, happy, and never sick….so deal.
So, again, THANK YOU
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:51 am
The “Breast is best and forumla is poison and moms who don’t BF because it’s hard didn’t try hard enough” people can go fuck themselves.
I agree, feed the babies. And personally I don’t care how you fed yours. What I care about is how you feel about how you fed yours.
So here’s a question:
What can Moms who were successful at breastfeeding do to help? What can we say?
(And I’m not talking about the people who say stupid shit like that you should be nursing or that breast is best without knowing your situation.)
I’m talking about I meet a mom who formula feeds/fed and feels bad about doing so. What do I say to her? How do I help her make peace with her situation?
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
it’s such a hard question! because personally, nothing ANYONE said made me feel comfortable with my decision to stop. YES, the supportive comments from my husband, friends, family, and even H’s pedi were awesome, but nothing could stop my own ill feelings towards it. it took time and only time to create my sense of “ok” with the issue.
love you.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
it’s such a hard question! because personally, nothing ANYONE said made me feel comfortable with my decision to stop. YES, the supportive comments from my husband, friends, family, and even H’s pedi were awesome, but nothing could stop my own ill feelings towards it. it took time and only time to create my sense of “ok” with the issue.
love you.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:53 am
THANK YOU!! I could have written this word for word…
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:55 am
Dangit I forgot.
Your boob is hot.
You’re teaching me to frenchbraid at BlogHer (I never learned, shameful right? Here you are going on about not being able to BF and I CAN’T EVEN FRENCH BRAID!! So selfish.)
If formula fed babies can dance like Harper then I don’t know what else needs to be freaking said.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:05 am
Hey Friend, this post is wonderful – thank you. See, I feel like we’re friends because A)I just saw your boob and B)I’ve been down this road TWICE. I have three children and only one has nursed exclusively. He latched on in the hospital and didn’t let go ’til he was 15 months. My first and third just could never get it. I was lucky enough to have pretty good supply so I did pump for a while but that is SO hard and I figured 4 months of breast milk was good.
I still feel some guilt b/c of what is IN formula, and the fact that I’m trying to feed my children more natural things. BUT, I have to let that go, I know. And I thank God for formula. Otherwise two of my precious babies would have not lived. And these are my own issues of course…
I just wish we could all support each other not matter what. I’m just tired of the way us Moms judge each other on so many things. Where and how we have our babies, whether we work or not and if we vaccinate or not. It’s all just too much. Can’t we all just get along?
You and Harper on gorgeous. Thanks again for this post…
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
exactly, mama. why can we not just see and understand that everyone must do what is right for them and their family and let people be? so sad that as women we must break each other down. i’m so glad to see only supportive comments here because it gives me hope for my daughter.
thanks lady.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
exactly, mama. why can we not just see and understand that everyone must do what is right for them and their family and let people be? so sad that as women we must break each other down. i’m so glad to see only supportive comments here because it gives me hope for my daughter.
thanks lady.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:15 am
I totally agree with you completely! With my first baby she just would not latch so we went with formula right away, with my 2nd she breastfed but OMG the pain I experienced was not worth it, I kept telling myself I was going to stop it hurt to much and I kept delaying it I only lasted a little over a week with her but it just was to painful. With my 3rd I just wasn’t producing enough I tried for 10 days but new she needed to eat. I am pregnant with my 4th and damn straight I will try again.
I don’t think anyone should judge you on whether or not you are breastfeeding. Its your life your boobs and your baby as long as your kid is healthy who cares if its from the boob or formula?
Great post!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:23 am
thank you for this post, I couldn’t agree more. I tried and tried with my son and he was just mother effing impatient, he would latch, suck 2-3x and get pissed because it wasn’t coming fast enough, so I pumped, and pumped my heart out for 6 weeks, just to give him at least one bottle of breast milk a day, but my supply which wasn’t so hot to begin with at 4oz a day dwindled to 1oz and I decided to stop pumping 4x a day for 1oz. The looks I got from BF moms for that in playgroup, absolute disgust, made me feel like crap. And don’t get me started about when I went back to work… Thank you, we should all be in favor of feeding babies!!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:25 am
Respect knuckles sista!! The same thing happened to me..I mean like exact EXACT same thing!! My lil munchkin will be 6 weeks this Saturday and last week I finally gave up
, we are doing all formula and for the first time I didnt feel guilty, thanks for your encouraging post!! Harper is adorable (like eat your face of cute.) And Happy and healthy., and thats all the matters!! Good job Momma!!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
knuckles and exploding knuckles! happy you’re doing well, keep up the good work!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
knuckles and exploding knuckles! happy you’re doing well, keep up the good work!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:34 am
What a great post! I mean really. I have formula fed, breast fed and bottle fed breastmilk. Each situation was the best I could do at the time. Each situation was good and yet each time I was made to feel I was doing the wrong thing by someone. UGH!
Now, if someone asked me if they should breastfeed I would say yes. I agree that when the hospital sends formula home with a mom we are sort of setting her up to fail. The beginning is hard. So, I agree with the people who are looking to get that practice stopped. But that does not mean we have to hate people who use formula. UGH!
Mostly what I do not understand is why is it that we cannot respect and understand that every mother is doing what she feels is best for her children? I believe that TV is bad for children who are under two – and so mine do not watch TV. Does that mean I think someone else is a bad mom just because she lets her one year old watch Baby Einstein? No, she believes that is what is best. And so that is what she should do. Because all any of us can do is what we feel is best.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
amen. thank you!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
amen. thank you!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:44 am
This might end up way long, and maybe nobody will read it, but I’ll feel better after getting it all out…
When I was PG with my DD I never even considered not being able to BF. Nobody in my family had ever had problems, and as my father is so fond of sharing, my mother made enough milk for him to make fudge out of (blech).
After DD was born, she latched right on and I even turned the LC’s away because she was nursing just fine and i didn’t think I was having any problems. However, after we got home from the hospital, things started to go downhill… She cried all the time and would nurse for hours and still act hungry. At her 1 wk check she has lost more than 10% of her body weight. I never got engorged or even slightly full feeling and I started to panic that maybe I wasn’t actually giving her anything.
My family all repeatedly assured me that a mother ALWAYS made enough to feed her baby and that there was no way I had supply issues. Well, turns out, about 9 days PP, it was discovered that I had retained placenta. It’s pretty much guaranteed that milk will not come in if this happens. So, I was right, I was starving my daughter to death and it wasn’t just the crazy PP hormones talking…
I still feel guilty about it, usually only when visiting with my MIL bc she insists that I am still wrong and that somehow I just didn’t realize DD wasn’t latching right…
We are eventually having one more (probably not for another year or more), but I still wonder all the time if I will have the strength to put myself through that again or if I will go straight to the FF because I know it works and its what I’m familiar with…
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
well whichever you choose, it will be right for you and your baby. thanks for sharing and i’m sorry you went through that. hugs.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
well whichever you choose, it will be right for you and your baby. thanks for sharing and i’m sorry you went through that. hugs.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 9:26 am
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your struggle. I had almost the EXACT same problem and I tried everything anyone had ever heard of to help and it just didn’t work for me. I think that after 16 months, I am finally coming to grips with the emotional toll it really took on me. In the end, we ended up with an uber happy, super healthy little girl that both my hubby and I got to spend that special time with. Like you, I’d give it a shot again, but I wouldn’t turn it into a make or break event in terms of my happiness and belief in my parenting ability.
Again, thank you so much…
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
we tried it all too. mothers milk tea, fenugreek, every last suggestion, supplement, schedule, etc. skin to skin, nipple shield, no nipple shield, ETC. it didn’t work, it wasn’t enough, i had no milk.
i hope you are at peace with it because you have a happy healthy kiddo! good job!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
we tried it all too. mothers milk tea, fenugreek, every last suggestion, supplement, schedule, etc. skin to skin, nipple shield, no nipple shield, ETC. it didn’t work, it wasn’t enough, i had no milk.
i hope you are at peace with it because you have a happy healthy kiddo! good job!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 9:30 am
Right on sister! I love feeding babies! We are on the same wavelength today, only mine was c-section related
Get em.
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
another issue i feel strongly about. i didn’t have one but damn it if i don’t get angry about people ever making my friends feel badly about having one.
high fives mama!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
another issue i feel strongly about. i didn’t have one but damn it if i don’t get angry about people ever making my friends feel badly about having one.
high fives mama!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 9:31 am
I also support feeding babies.
I am someone who didn’t struggle AT ALL with BFing. My baby latched immediately and my supply was awesome. But then PPD crept in on me and I straight up quit. Not because it hurt, not because it wasn’t working. Nope. I quit cause I didn’t want to do it anymore. So, so selfish.
Now that my PPD has backed off a bit, I’m overwhelmed with guilt because I quit for such a stupid reason. But it does gives me hope that with baby #2 I’ll be able to do it.
Oh, and my baby is so perfectly healthy, despite being fed 4 different kinds of formula (regular, soy, hypo-allergenic, and now lactose-free).
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
sorry to hear about all of your struggles. thanks for your honesty and good luck with your future endeavors in feeding your baby – regardless of how you do it!
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Mandy Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
sorry to hear about all of your struggles. thanks for your honesty and good luck with your future endeavors in feeding your baby – regardless of how you do it!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 9:34 am
amen. I breastfed for 9 months and now have to supplement due to a supply drop. I bow down to woman who breastfeed because its HARD but i also respect formula feeders and their decisions. Feeding your baby is important. As long as they get fed, i am happy
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April 6th, 2010 @ 9:39 am
Hellz Yeah!
What with the judgy judgy mc judgy-ness of other moms?
No mom wakes up and says, “I’m gonna make bad decisions today about raising my baby. Oooo, I hope I get to do something not so good for my child!”
All moms try to do what’s best… for their little ones, and themselves.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 9:47 am
Very well said. I like the boob addition too! I had trouble breastfeeding both my kids (latch issues) and cried for a long time after giving up on breastfeeding both times. Now, I know my kids are doing well. Both are smart, happy, healthy and thriving.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and letting ignorant people know where to stick it!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:00 am
isn’t it hard to see while it’s happening? but once they are doing well, eating and thriving, the hindsight kicks in. these days, i rarely even think of it because it’s in the past and H is doing amazing. but at the time i thought i was taking opportunities away from her. sigh. guilt.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:00 am
isn’t it hard to see while it’s happening? but once they are doing well, eating and thriving, the hindsight kicks in. these days, i rarely even think of it because it’s in the past and H is doing amazing. but at the time i thought i was taking opportunities away from her. sigh. guilt.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:17 am
Thank you so much for expressing this. I BF my daughter for 7 weeks, until after 4 bouts of mastitis, one never-ending yeast infection in my breasts, and over a month of antibiotics (with all the lovely side effects), I decided that the benefits of breastmilk certainly did not outweigh the benefits of having a mom that could actually get out of bed and care for her baby.
The only people I feel have judged me are other moms. Thanks judgy moms.
Every medical professional I consulted affirmed my decision and was glad that I overcame the societal pressures of breast feeding and did what was best for me AND the baby.
My daughter has totally thrived on formula.
Sincerely,
A formula-fed mom, HS valedictorian, college graduate, and proud owner of a PhD
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:01 am
love it.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:01 am
love it.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:18 am
I know this mommy guilt you speak off. B/c my daughter was born with a partial vocal cord paralysis and had a feeding tube for 3 weeks, I wasn’t even allowed to try to breast feed her. So I pumped around the clock all the while the lactation consultants side eyed me b/c I wasn’t producing enough and we had to start supplementing. At 4 weeks my daughter decided to stop screaming bloody murder when I put her to the breast and she was down with the boob. But after about a month my boobs were not producing enough and more and more I was having to supplement. It’s such a personal thing when your boobs don’t work properly. And this is something my husband could never understand. Once my OB told me that there is a reason why you find wet nurses in just about every culture…b/c not all women have the capability to breast feed. For some reason, this statement made me to start to have less mommy guilt about how much we supplement. My husband has tried to coach me through these thoughts for months, but it took some “stranger” to make me start to feel better about this. And I totally know there are women who choose to formula feed for some reason or another…or who have to b/c their boobs just don’t work at all…and I feel that nobody should judge anyone for these things. We should all support each other.
And now, we both breast feed and supplement. My daughter is about to start daycare as I return to work and b/c I’m a teacher I won’t get to pump every 3 hours like I should to keep my supply up. I will give it my best effort and know that if I have to start weening sooner than I had anticipated or of my daughter is not into the boob anymore, I will be ok.
Wow…that was a long comment, but really, thanks so much for posting this. It’s the mommy guilt that needs to be unleashed from closet and once it is, you start to feel so much better.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:03 am
it IS a personal thing when your boobs don’t work. i was pissed at mine. big useless jerks.
but seriously, great attitude, great outlook and thanks for sharing mama!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:03 am
it IS a personal thing when your boobs don’t work. i was pissed at mine. big useless jerks.
but seriously, great attitude, great outlook and thanks for sharing mama!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:18 am
That’s a mighty fine boob. And Mama, you’re incredible.
I’m with you. Let’s just get these kids fed.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:03 am
i love you.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:03 am
i love you.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:19 am
Oh, thank you for this. I’ve recently stopped breastfeed, way earlier than I planned to, and I’ve got the guilt cape on big time! It doesn’t help that we had a little taste testing of the different types of formula we had, and OMG EW GROSS. But my baby is healthy and happy and chubby and very loved, so I figure we’ve got the important things down.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:05 am
take the guilt cape off! it’s heavy and not a good look for any of us. :] chubby and loved is the BEST kind of baby!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:05 am
take the guilt cape off! it’s heavy and not a good look for any of us. :] chubby and loved is the BEST kind of baby!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:30 am
Thank you for this post. Here I am knee deep in two kids (Ben is 3 & Emilia is 16 months) & I feel guilty all the time when I see mothers out who can BF their babies. With my son, it wasn’t an option – my mind set wasn’t there BUT my milk never came in. When I got pregnant with my daughter I swore up & down I was going to nurse. Fast forward 9 months – Wrong. No milk & I tried like there was no tomorrow.
I have a girlfriend was was forced (by her MIL) into BFing & hated every single day of it & she did it for 15 months just to appease her MIL.
I wish women/mother’s wouldn’t make those of us who can’t & don’t BF feel so guilty. Like we don’t already have enough to worry about.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:34 am
Very good post. I have breast feeding experience that I just don’t talk about because I don’t feel like putting up with the lashing I’d receive back (don’t read more into that then there is .. I’m not against breast-feeing) I attempted to breast feed my first 3 children (the second being the longest) after feeling like I failed with all of them because I didn’t make it very long I decided with my final I wouldn’t put myself through it. It worked out for us.
I love the saying “Pro-Baby Feeding”
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:41 am
i think this debate can go both ways. i’m still bf’ing my 10 month old, and you would not believe the comments i get from people saying that it’s sick and i’m getting her into bad habits. i don’t understand why people just can’t understand that everyone’s situation is different. they need to stop worrying about everyone else so much, and focus on their own. or at least learn to keep their mouth shut if they disagree with something. how about people re-direct their energy to the childhood obesity epidemic, or teaching their children values and morals. bc that’s what’s really important. you are a helluva mama, mandy. so don’t let anyone else let you think otherwise just bc your boobies wouldn’t make milk.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:10 am
of course it can go both ways. thing is, i don’t agree with coming down on anybody. saying BFing is sick or anything of the nature is just idiotic and plain stupid. it sucks that both BFers and non-BFers have to deal with any ridicule or judgment. just plain gross!
and you’re absolutely freaking right – obesity and morals and i don’t know, being a good person, should be higher priority that if our boobs work, don’t work, or if we don’t want to use them that way. period.
thanks lady.
xoxo
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:10 am
of course it can go both ways. thing is, i don’t agree with coming down on anybody. saying BFing is sick or anything of the nature is just idiotic and plain stupid. it sucks that both BFers and non-BFers have to deal with any ridicule or judgment. just plain gross!
and you’re absolutely freaking right – obesity and morals and i don’t know, being a good person, should be higher priority that if our boobs work, don’t work, or if we don’t want to use them that way. period.
thanks lady.
xoxo
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:42 am
Thanks for this. I still feel guilty that I couldn’t EBF K and we switched to formula full time 2 months ago. I pumped and pumped and pumped and and finally my H convinced me that it was ridiculous. Not to mention the tears from me and K when I was struggling to nurse. We did what was right for us, in order to preserve my sanity, K’s sanity and my H’s. Feeding my baby without sobbing was much more important in the long run.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:12 am
yep, nothing beautiful and special about anxiety ridden mama trying to feed a hungry baby. hugs lady!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:12 am
yep, nothing beautiful and special about anxiety ridden mama trying to feed a hungry baby. hugs lady!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:43 am
THANK YOU!!!!! I struggled with both of my daughters and met with a LC every day for a week, with both kids, and could not get it to work. Thank you for saying exactly how I feel! I always cringed when someone asked if I was breastfeeding my babies – what does it matter? They are fed, healthy and growing. That is what is important! Formula is NOT poison.
Great post!
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Priscilla M Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Leah! ME TOO! Really? Do people “really” need to ask if I’m breastfeeding my baby? UGH! Got that all the time too! I even had a neighboor who insisted on teaching me how to breastfeed and she also wanted to give me some of her breast milk for my Julius! ARE U KIDDING ME?
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:13 am
i think people just want to help, which i can totally understand. but they may not realize what they are saying or doing is hurtful to those who tried and were not successful.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:13 am
i think people just want to help, which i can totally understand. but they may not realize what they are saying or doing is hurtful to those who tried and were not successful.
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Priscilla M Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Leah! ME TOO! Really? Do people “really” need to ask if I’m breastfeeding my baby? UGH! Got that all the time too! I even had a neighboor who insisted on teaching me how to breastfeed and she also wanted to give me some of her breast milk for my Julius! ARE U KIDDING ME?
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:51 am
LMAO!! “sing kumbayah and braid eathothers hair”…
I AM gonna hop on my “Trojan” horse because I’m tired of all the caddiness from some women! We ARE suppose to support each other. My boobies (both) would produce less than 1/2 ounce in a hour! I tried, tried and tried until my husband said he’d rather see me and the baby happy! This made me feel 10x better! I’m so proud of myself and to see how my boys are living life. Healthy and active! A little too active! Thanks so much for posting this. You said it all for us!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 11:21 am
I HEART this post! With my first, I BFed only 2 months and struggled through every second. In fact I’d say I pumped more than anything. It’s so sad the judgment people spout off about formula. Good for you for taking a stand!
I actually blog at another place (other than MY blog) and wrote about how much easier breastfeeding has been the SECOND time around. So just know there IS hope. And of course if it doesn’t work out again, it’s OKAY. Like you quoted, we’re all just here to feed babies whichever way works best!
Here’s the article in case anyone is interested!
http://trianglemamas.typepad.com/triangle_mamas/2010/03/why-my-boobies-are-happier-breastfeeding-the-second-time-around.html
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:15 am
thanks, i’m gonna check it out! i do have much hope for next time (because i have a better idea of what to expect) but i’m not EXPECTING as much as i was the first time. i feel great knowing i will be content either way and not torture myself with guilt. thanks!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:15 am
thanks, i’m gonna check it out! i do have much hope for next time (because i have a better idea of what to expect) but i’m not EXPECTING as much as i was the first time. i feel great knowing i will be content either way and not torture myself with guilt. thanks!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 11:24 am
Stacy linked me to your blog. I went through the EXACT same thing, not once, but twice. My 2nd son, I was SO determined, so determined that he was still losing weight at almost a month old. So determined that he was so jaundiced that he had to be on bili lights. I too pumped, and pumped, and pumped to no avail. Thank you for this. I too was riddled with guilt, and the comments. ZOMG the freaking comments, from other moms. Makes me crazy.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:17 am
any friend of Stacy is a friend of mine! i’m sorry you went through this, too. more support for each other would be great, huh?
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:17 am
any friend of Stacy is a friend of mine! i’m sorry you went through this, too. more support for each other would be great, huh?
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April 6th, 2010 @ 11:51 am
Thank you for writing this! I am so glad that a good friend suggested your blog to me, because I find myself laughing and crying and nodding my head YES everytime I read it!
I had a very simliar experience to you…and racked myself with guilt and anxiety with my first. I tried so hard to make it work, pumping constantly, I remembering crying everytime I tried to feed him…my toes curled up in pain trying to wince through it one more time. I tortured myself for 7 weeks, and finally gave up as I headed back to work.
Then I had my second and it happened again, my milk wasn’t coming in, while we were in the hospital she was losing weight. I was devastated. And some of the nurses were so awful to me in the hospital, it made it so much worse. Made me feel like there was something wrong with me…like I was some sort of freak, who couldn’t feed my child. I was afraid to leave the hospital with her, feeling like a failure. Trying to breast feed with her while also feeding her with a syringe and tube (which is nearly impossible to do by yourself btw).
But my Dr., a totally amazing guy in his 70′s came into the hospital room as we were getting ready to leave, I was crying in the bathroom. I came out and he just told me it was okay if I couldn’t breastfeed her, that she was still going to grow up and be strong and healthy.
Then he hugged me and he said to me that he was pretty sure when she applied to College, they wouldn’t ask her if she was Breastfed…
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:19 am
kelly, your post really made me tear up. i know EXACTLY how you felt and it brought back a lot of emotions for me. we put so much pressure on ourselves. oh i want to hug you! i mean, i know you’re fine now, as am i, but still. i feel you!
i also feel like we may have gone to the same HS…is this true? or maybe just a coincidence!
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Kelly Heitlauf Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Hi Mandy,
Thanks! I want to hug you too! Yes It’s true we went to the same HS. But I was probably gone before you were there…I graduated in ’96. I am Chad’s Big sister (I think you were the same year?). Please, don’t hold that against me
!
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Kelly Heitlauf Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Hi Mandy,
Thanks! I want to hug you too! Yes It’s true we went to the same HS. But I was probably gone before you were there…I graduated in ’96. I am Chad’s Big sister (I think you were the same year?). Please, don’t hold that against me
!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:19 am
kelly, your post really made me tear up. i know EXACTLY how you felt and it brought back a lot of emotions for me. we put so much pressure on ourselves. oh i want to hug you! i mean, i know you’re fine now, as am i, but still. i feel you!
i also feel like we may have gone to the same HS…is this true? or maybe just a coincidence!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:19 pm
thank you for this post- i had SUCH guilt w/my first child about deciding to stop (pretending to) nurse. it was a wretched 3 months- for her, me, my husband. pitiful. and, after wrestling w/the guilt and just giving her the formula, she was the happiest, FATTEST baby ever. same thing w/baby #2- he totally rejected me and my (serious!) efforts to breastfeed, and loved the formula instead.
let go of the guilt, and just…feed them already!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:20 pm
I read this last night and was going to post but I was sleepy!
So, I think its awesome that you wrote this first of all. And I’m probably the ONLY person on this comment string to say this: I NEVER breastfed. I knew that I didn’t want to. I know that probably (to some people) sounds like I’m saying, “i dont want whats best for my child, i want him to be a dumb dumb, and i totally want him to be sick all of the time”. Uh…No.
I had a MAJOR mental block about it. I tried, once and I wasn’t comfortable with it, and by the time I actually tried Milo wanted nothing to do with my boob.
For anyone that really knows me and is part of Milo’s life knows that my little nuggito is seriously thriving! He is ridiculously smart ( he says things that i don’t think most kids say at 11 months)And has been sick one time. And it was a light case. He was over it in a week, meanwhile three weeks later his parents are still fighting the same cold.
For me, I never felt guilty for not giving him my boob juice. My kid was well fed, he didn’t have a stressed out, angry, sore tittied mama an that seems like a success in my book. It may seem selfish of me to some. And thats fine, sometimes we need to be selfish in life. There are wonderful nutrients in formula, too. And my child is doing wonderfully.
boob or formula? why does it matter to some so much? seriously. We all do what works for us and our family. Its not like you can tell by looking at Milo that he wasn’t boob fed. If we want to teach our children to grow up and be caring, understanding, non judgmental beings we need to practice that within ourselves too.
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Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Mandy -
Very well written. Again.
Kristi -
This was me exactly. I’ve stayed out of this conversation because I felt like everyone felt bad because they wanted to and couldn’t. In light of that I sort of felt nervous to say that I never intended to breastfeed. And while sometimes I do feel like it was a selfish decision (made because of my work schedule) I don’t feel guilty about it. My kid is happy & healthy and that’s all I care about.
I’m sorry that this is another thing that mothers feel they have to justify.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:22 am
i’m glad you both spoke up. like i said, we all have to chose what is best for ourselves and our life. i commend you both for NOT feeling the guilt because honestly, it’s a thing we do to ourselves. kudos to you both and thank you for not feeling like you couldn’t say anything. like i said – lets just feed them!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:22 am
i’m glad you both spoke up. like i said, we all have to chose what is best for ourselves and our life. i commend you both for NOT feeling the guilt because honestly, it’s a thing we do to ourselves. kudos to you both and thank you for not feeling like you couldn’t say anything. like i said – lets just feed them!
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Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Mandy -
Very well written. Again.
Kristi -
This was me exactly. I’ve stayed out of this conversation because I felt like everyone felt bad because they wanted to and couldn’t. In light of that I sort of felt nervous to say that I never intended to breastfeed. And while sometimes I do feel like it was a selfish decision (made because of my work schedule) I don’t feel guilty about it. My kid is happy & healthy and that’s all I care about.
I’m sorry that this is another thing that mothers feel they have to justify.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:31 pm
If there’s a secret ingredient in formula that will make my kiddo as cute as Harper, SIGN ME UP!
I’m 29 weeks pregnant with my first, and I plan on breastfeeding. But I know, if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, I will not be alone. Thank you so much for this post. You’re clearly an amazing momma with a thriving child, so anyone who tries to tell me formula feeding is akin to child neglect can suck it while I kindly direct them to your blog.
Keep up the good work, Mandy! xoxo
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:23 am
i got her the special “cute added” formula. :] thanks and good luck!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:23 am
i got her the special “cute added” formula. :] thanks and good luck!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:40 pm
Mandy – I’d leave a better comment, but you said it all in your post. Good job – I agree 100%, and my new fav line is “I’m pro feeding babies.”
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April 6th, 2010 @ 12:40 pm
This is my first visit to your site. I came over from OMyFamily. I just had to speak up about the topic. I did breastfeed until I returned to work and I just couldn’t DO the pumping. The guilt still wracks me (she is 16 months) but is better. I wish I would have kept it up, but she is a happy healthy baby. Smart too (if I do say so). Thanks for the wise words, let’s kumbyah and braid hair!!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:24 am
getting out my guitar and my hairbrush!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:24 am
getting out my guitar and my hairbrush!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 1:18 pm
Amen sista! Check out this post I wrote a few weeks ago hitting on this exact topic (and others). I can NOT stand this stupid “debate”. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal anyway. Feed your kid. Period.
http://amothersworkisneverdone.com/2010/03/im-not-a-judgy-mcjudgerson/
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April 6th, 2010 @ 1:25 pm
Love this post.
I also saw that Tweet about being in favor of feeding babies and thought it was fabulous. We need more tweets and blog posts like this out there, so that no mom will go through what you or I did – the guilt; feeling like you’re a bad mom, then realizing you’re not b/c you are happy and your child is thriving; then feeling anger when you see the idiocracy strewn all over the interwebs…
I always think of it this way – when I was going through it 1.5 years ago, I googled “formula feeding” and all that came up was negativity. Now I find awesome posts like yours every day. The tides are changing, thanks to brave peeps like yourself.
I hope you’ll visit my blog sometime – it’s 100% about this subject (feeding babies) and I would love to have you weigh in on some of what we discuss…
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:26 am
i peeked on my phone and will definitely be checking it out on the computer (much easier to read there!). but from what i saw, i’m in love. thanks for reading and making a difference. really.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:26 am
i peeked on my phone and will definitely be checking it out on the computer (much easier to read there!). but from what i saw, i’m in love. thanks for reading and making a difference. really.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 1:37 pm
Now if the women who managed to deliver naturally would just leave those of us who had to have a c-section alone, it’d be awesome. I’m not less of a mother because I had a c-section, and women who formula feed are not less of a mother either.
Why motherhood has to drive women apart,I just don’t know.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:27 am
agreed.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:27 am
agreed!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:27 am
agreed.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:27 am
agreed!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 1:41 pm
I love this post. My last post on my blog was about the same thing. I’m so sick of “Breast is Best” especially because I KNOW my breast milk can harm my child. I’m expecting to deliver her any moment and I’ve gone back and forth with this issue for so long. I asked my husband if he’d think anything less if we didn’t breast feed and his response was “Jen, lets just have her and keep her healthy and happy any way we can. I don’t care if you feed her formula or breast. I just want you BOTH healthy!”
I have ZERO guilt about deciding to use formula to keep my little angel alive and happy.
I love this post. You get two huge thumbs up!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 2:34 pm
THANK YOU. I went through the same bucket o crap, pumping and feeding constantly with little to no results. I am still hiding formula under clothes at Target, but hopefully in a couple of months I’ll but it proudly.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:31 am
you will. time is what it took for me. no words, just time. and a happy lil’ nugget to show for it. hugs to you.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:31 am
you will. time is what it took for me. no words, just time. and a happy lil’ nugget to show for it. hugs to you.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 2:40 pm
Here is the comment I left on a blog that used insane, incendiary and hyperbolic language today to discuss the recent study:
I disagree with much of what’s written here. I realize this makes me all sorts of things — wrong, mostly, according to this post — but I’ll stand my ground anyway.
I am pro-breastfeeding. I DO get mad that we have no paid leave to help support the breastfeeding relationship, I DO get mad that moms aren’t being given free breastpumps, lactation consultants, and healthier food. I am FURIOUS that boobs are sexualized while breastfeeding is demonized.
But I have a huge problem with the notion and tone of posts like these that suggest if you don’t breastfeed your baby, YOU ARE WRONG AND YOUR BABY WILL DIE.
This study you’re citing is important, yes, and it definitely emphasizes how beneficial breastfeeding can be. But data needs to be kept in perspective. Breastfeeding decreases the risk of SIDS. So does not smoking in the home where the baby lives. So does turning down the temperature at night.
Yes, car seats save lives. You know what else saves lives? Not getting in the car in the first place. Do you know how many children’s lives would be saved if there were no car accidents?
(Please understand that my example is used merely to point out that all data is, to some extent, subject to interpretation and that “real life” does influence what we do with the data.)
Ultimately, I think the fight to educate, to support, to embrace breastfeeding in the US is a damn good one. But we’re not going to get anywhere if the fight continues to get mired in the vilification of women who formula-feed.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:32 am
i agree wit you WHOLEHEARTEDLY. i had to leave that post with a quickness. love you and you know it!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:32 am
i agree wit you WHOLEHEARTEDLY. i had to leave that post with a quickness. love you and you know it!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 3:08 pm
I haven’t read all the replys, because, wow, 110 is a lot. But I’ve been thinking about this all day and I agree with everything you say. This is obviously a subject that people have pretty strong feelings about. And one of the best things about our country is that we can voice our opinions. However, we should also respect others opinions–whether we agree or not. There is no right or wrong on this issue–breast feeding vs formula feeding. It’s about feeding. However you can. I wish everyone would stop being all Judgy McJudgerson and support one another. I’m just not sure how to make that wish come true.
Thank you for posting Mandy. And your pictures are beautiful.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 3:14 pm
I just read this post while feeding monkey a bottle of formula. The farther I read, the more the tears came, the more the tears came the more Monkey looked at me like I was a nut case. (Thanks Mandy, I always wanted my daughter to think I was crazy)
While pregnant I was positive I was going to nurse. I didn’t even bother buying any bottles because seriously who needs those things when you have boob.
Long story short, my body failed and I didn’t make any effin milk. I got a pump and would sit for hours and get squat. Monkey wasn’t getting anything from me and all she did was cry. I went to the lactation lady 4 times and when Monkey kept losing wieght she finally told me that formula wouldn’t kill her and that feeding a baby is the most important thing.
I cried for days, weeks even. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t feed my own daughter, felt like a bad wife because I was costing the family so much money by having to buy formula.
My parents didn’t understand, they told me to drink more water, stick with it, get a better pump, yadayadayada…
Monkey will be 5 months next week and I still haven’t been to the store to buy formula because I don’t want to get those hatted looks. (Don’t worry Monkey eats, hubby just has to buy the formula-he doesn’t have tits so he isn’t judged.)
Just wanted to say THANK YOU for this post, EVERY woman should have to read it before they give birth. I also think you should send it to Nightly News so they can read it to the rest of America-you know the few that don’t read your blog.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:35 am
oh honey. don’t cry. i mean, yes do it if you need to, but you know what i mean. i cried. i cried a lot. i used to make Scot buy the formula, too. but like i said to many other commenters, time was the only healing thing. and now i can look back with clarity (something i just didn’t have at the time) and know i made the right decision. hang in there lady. you’re doing a wonderful job with monkey!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:35 am
oh honey. don’t cry. i mean, yes do it if you need to, but you know what i mean. i cried. i cried a lot. i used to make Scot buy the formula, too. but like i said to many other commenters, time was the only healing thing. and now i can look back with clarity (something i just didn’t have at the time) and know i made the right decision. hang in there lady. you’re doing a wonderful job with monkey!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 3:17 pm
I love this post! I totally agree with everything you wrote here (written very well, too!). As a mother who struggled with infertility for years and ended up adopting our son, at birth, I did not want to add to the stress of everything by trying to breastfeed. Soooo many people kept saying I should “try”, etc. only to irritate me about it. I, like you, did all of the research and knew that my baby would be fine if could only give him formula, and did not worry about it. In fact, I was so proud that we finally had a child of our own, that I did not care what anyone thought of my formula feedings! I knew that I was still the best mother I could be, and even if I had been able to have a child, naturally, and made the choice to formula feed, my son would have been fine, either way. I, myself was not breastfed for more than a couple of months, and I think I’m ok.
I am glad that you have blogged this, and happy there are so many amazing mothers out there who are embracing the fact that the way you feed your child does not have an impact on the kind of parent you will be.
Thanks for writing this.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:37 am
congratulations on your son! and thanks for the kind words.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:37 am
congratulations on your son! and thanks for the kind words.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 3:40 pm
Good for you! I went through the same breastfeeding trauma. Breastfeed, supplement, pump…start over. I was beyond exhausted, frustrated that I couldn’t give my daughter what she wanted and needed. Meetings with lactation consultant grew tiresome as she told me she didn’t know what to tell me. Renting a hospital grade pump and all the pumping in the middle of the night which only made me more tired.
I finally gave up, cried and got over it. I had to. The baby blues didn’t help either. I felt bad for giving her formula, I too wanted to hide it whenever I was out. I never got any negative feedback though. My husband was very supportive of anything I wanted to do. I just thought my boobs would work and I could do it. But they can’t. Maybe next time I will know what I am in for and will be better able to produce something.
Screw formula feeding haters. My daughter is healthy, fed and loved from head to toe!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:38 am
all of it, me too!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:38 am
all of it, me too!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 5:38 pm
Not only are you smart, but yous pretty too! hehe.
LOVED this post
I’m also pro feeding babies. I fed Nolan for 4 months via the boob, and STILL got those comments when I put him on formula. Regardless of my reasons, SHUDDUP. He’s getting fed, A LOT. 
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:12 pm
I am totally for feeding babies. I struggled with breast feeding at the beginning because the hospital set me up for failure. Long story. ANYWAY. I was lucky enough to get to stay home with Avery so I spent all day (and night) nursing or pumping. It was exhausting but after about three weeks my supply was ideal and I ditched the pump. HOWEVER before Aver was eating solids she would get a bottle if someone was babysitting her. I used to be kind of a jerk about breast feeding but now I really don’t care what other moms do. If someone wants support I’ll give it regardless of what choice she makes.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:41 am
i agree many hospitals set us up for failure and that is an issue that DOES need to be fixed. my nurses took great care of me but sucked at caring about BF (and i was in a “breastfeeding friendly” hospital). luckily i knew they sucked and only listened to the LC’s. still, it turned out this way. thanks for your support of everyone’s choice mama.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:41 am
i agree many hospitals set us up for failure and that is an issue that DOES need to be fixed. my nurses took great care of me but sucked at caring about BF (and i was in a “breastfeeding friendly” hospital). luckily i knew they sucked and only listened to the LC’s. still, it turned out this way. thanks for your support of everyone’s choice mama.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:16 pm
thanks for this! no baby for me yet, but my mom told me she had a hard time producing milk, so that’s one of my future fears. so true i shouldn’t assume that it will come naturally… you & your daughter are so cute btw. :]
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:43 am
aw thanks! try your best and see what happens! if it doesn’t work come back and read this post. :]
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:43 am
aw thanks! try your best and see what happens! if it doesn’t work come back and read this post. :]
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:19 pm
lady lady you are a woman after my own heart! I’m sooo with you on this. I had a tough time breast feeding (WHY doesn’t anyone tell you it can be such a bitch?? Yipes!) but somehow I managed to nurse til Wolfie was one. But I can tell you that even though it ended up working out for me, I wanted to smack those judgey ladies upside the head. My dear friend couldn’t breast feed (she had some health complications) and her boy is just as big as my kid, totally healthy and happy —hell, if anything he’s a total Future X-Games contenders, he’s THAT COORDINATED AND AWESOME at all things physical. To me you raise your child with love and ya do whatever works best for you, your family and your kiddo. Right?? And like you said, the insult to injury is that it’s fellow moms pointing fingers. We’re all in this together chicas.
Excellent post! I’m glad I found ya mama.
xo
Alix
modernkiddo.com
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:46 am
thanks! i’m glad you found me too, because now i might be obsessed with your site…!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:46 am
thanks! i’m glad you found me too, because now i might be obsessed with your site…!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 6:29 pm
That is so me at Target. Breastfeeding was everything to me and we tried sooo hard to make it work (my son wouldn’t eat well at first) and when we had to quit for medical reasons on my part about a month ago I was devastated and had (have?) so much guilt. I, too, hide the formula in my cart, even though it’s organic, and wonder if the checkers judge me.
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April 6th, 2010 @ 7:01 pm
This post took me back to those first few nights of trying to get Holden to breastfeed. On top of feeling like a truck drove through my lady bits, the hormones that were all over the place and the sheer exhaustion of a newborn I almost lost my mind trying to breastfeed. He would not eat for almost 4 days..I remember standing in his nursery at 2 a.m. feeding him formula crying my eyes out and feeling like a failure. Not long after he did get the hang of it and it all worked out for us..but I sympathize one gabillion percent with every mother who tries it. I’ve never met one that just said “oh breastfeeding was awesome from the moment he popped out”. It baffles me how something so natural can be so complicated.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:48 am
here here. not too much about it felt natural to me. the only time it felt natural was the first few times (before pain set in and before she even knew she was hungry) and i was SO excited. then reality hit and nothing felt special or natural about it. i am SO glad it worked out for you though and that you can also relate at the same time. thanks!
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:48 am
here here. not too much about it felt natural to me. the only time it felt natural was the first few times (before pain set in and before she even knew she was hungry) and i was SO excited. then reality hit and nothing felt special or natural about it. i am SO glad it worked out for you though and that you can also relate at the same time. thanks!
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April 6th, 2010 @ 8:45 pm
All i can say, is I wasn’t ready for the boob shot. But no worries. And Yes yeah for unicorn and narwhals. Love ya lady.
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:49 am
it’s ok. i’m sure my grandma wasn’t either. but meh.
xoxo
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Mandy Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 12:49 am
it’s ok. i’m sure my grandma wasn’t either. but meh.
xoxo
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April 6th, 2010 @ 10:02 pm
Couldn’t agree with you more. I breastfed Finnegan until he was 15 months, but every single day he got formula as well because I wasn’t producing enough. I felt like a failure before I knew any better… when you’re a new mom, you just don’t know. Turns out there were several friends that experienced a similar story. Now I feel comfortable enough to give myself some credit for sticking with it, but the road was long to get to that point, especially when you feel like less of a woman that your body just won’t do what it’s MADE to do. Sucksville.
I wish ignorant ass clowns would learn a little tact when it comes to deciding what someone else’s child should do/eat/be.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 4:52 am
Amen sister! I tried and tried and wasn’t producing.. half hour of pumping and was getting a half ounce. I find it hilarious that women can preach about breast is best but God forbid we say I love Enfamil.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 6:23 am
I love that – “I’m in favor of feeding babies.” Perfect.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 6:28 am
I totally agree with you, why do women have to be so hateful if someone chooses to formula feed? I chose to formula feed my daughter and I received so many looks and comments that I started to feel like I made the wrong decision. I finally stopped listening to everyone else and listened to myself. I know that breast is best, but I chose to formula feed and my daughter turned out just fine. She’s happy and healthy and has only been sick a couple times in her 19 months. I love that you say “I’m in favor of feeding babies!” Shouldn’t we all just be in favor of feeding babies and not judge someone on how that is done? Thanks for posting this!
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April 7th, 2010 @ 9:42 am
Here Here! Well put!
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April 7th, 2010 @ 12:01 pm
I wasn’t breastfed. At that time, women were told not to and I turned out just fine with no allergies or illnesses or anything. I believe in breastfeeding, but I can’t stand the pressure behind it.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 12:37 pm
OMG Thank you. I also tried breastfeeding TWICE and couldn’t supply enough TWICE. I still have nightmares about watching Oprah through my tears listening to sounds of the electric breast pump getting nothing. I just started blogging and it is an uber boob fest out there! I feel a twinge of guilt everytime I read a post about it. Thank you for bringing this up.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 1:36 pm
[...] So, while part of me was really cheering Gina on for many of the points she was making, another part of me was thinking about my friend Mandy and her blog post “Let’s Just Feed Them, Shall We?” [...]
April 7th, 2010 @ 6:41 pm
Thank you for writing this. Of course, reading it brought back some of the tears and emotions of not being able to breastfeed when that’s all I ever wanted to do. But, I still loved reading it. And relate to and agree with EVERY WORD.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 6:54 pm
nice post and nice tata’s!
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April 7th, 2010 @ 8:53 pm
I could have written what you wrote word for word. I tried to breastfeed all 3 of my children and it didn’t work. I tried and tried and tried with my 1st and after 3 weeks I found myself sliding into a serious case of ppd. Her pedi finally told me that a happy mom was more important than a breastfed baby. But like you, I carried tremendous guilt because nobody ever told me it wouldn’t work. With my second I tried again with similar results. I found myself sliding into ppd again and swore I wouldn’t do that. I would not miss out on my first month with child as well. So I stopped and never looked back. With my 3rd, he latched, but I never produced any milk. Again, I never looked back.
That isn’t to say that I don’t feel the need to defend my decision every step of the way because I do. And I think what frustrates me the most is the attitude I get about it from people who don’t care to take the time to find out why.
If we are lucky enough to have one more, I’m not sure I’ll even try. All of my kids are healthy and happy and that’s what matters in the end.
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April 7th, 2010 @ 11:55 pm
When I formula-fed my first son, I sounded just like you. It didn’t work for us. I pumped nothing but blood. After that cesarean, I made NO MILK. And, of course, not a single person helped me either.
But after having a second child who nursed like a starving champion from the minute he came out of my vagina, I have seen the difference in these children, in our relationships, and in my own psyche. That’s why I go out of my way to give support to the mothers being totally sabotaged by the system. I wish I’d had somebody like me around when my nipples were bleeding. That’s why I will not shut up about it. For every person mad about my advocacy, there are 20 other women thanking me for helping them. That’s what keeps me going. I’m making a difference in their lives for the long term. I won’t let these women down the way other people let me down 4 years ago.
Maybe things will be different with your next one. Maybe that child will want to be the boobie-monster my second child ended up being. We never can predict these things. Having a 2nd child changes everything we thought we had figured out about this complicated mess they call Motherhood. And maybe if that happens, you’ll be mad at the system that may have failed you the first time too.
In any case, nothing but love and respect for you. And by the way, you have one of THE most gorgeous blogs I have ever seen.
Gina
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April 8th, 2010 @ 4:23 am
Wow.
I am going to be a new mother come September and I am hoping I can breastfeed, but if not, I am not going to be ashamed of bottle feeding my baby. The baby needs to eat, who cares how its done, just as long as it gets done right?
I have never heard about this, I always have heard people “bitchin” about woman who breastfeed and especially in public. It’s amazing how it is just woman who criticize.
Kudos to you for speaking up.
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April 8th, 2010 @ 2:17 pm
When I make up my personal Breastfeeding Statement (because apparently, we ladies of the internet are getting to that point), I’m just going to link to you here.
brava!
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April 9th, 2010 @ 9:05 am
Yes and yes. To all of that. :::::hugs this entire post::::
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April 10th, 2010 @ 6:56 am
I went through something very similar with breastfeeding. My daughter is 16 months now and she was fed from a bottle with formula, she’s alive and healthy. I wrote a post about how I’m so sick and tired of those crazy lactivists giving us grief about how we’re killing out babies. Whatever.
Good job.
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April 10th, 2010 @ 6:24 pm
I loved your pics. They are so adorable. Your daughter reminds me of mine when she was younger.
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April 10th, 2010 @ 8:36 pm
Just adding one more “I know how you feel” to the mix!
I always tell people (first time mom’s especially) if they ask me for my take on breastfeeding — if it works, it works. If not, no matter how down on yourself you are, I promise, FORMULA IS NOT RAT POISON!
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April 11th, 2010 @ 1:40 pm
I 100% agree. I exclusively breastfed for 8 months & then started to wean.
Now when I shake up my daughter’s bottle of formula I feel women giving me “the eye” & I just want to scream “I BF’d for 8 months I swear!”
Then I think… who cares what they think. I’m gave my child life & I’m still doing a pretty good job at keeping her alive… with my boob or formula. They both get the job done
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April 12th, 2010 @ 2:27 pm
I run this blog called Breastfeeding Moms Unite! I’ve nursed for 5 1/2 yrs now (two kids). My thing around this issue is that I want breastfeeding moms to ah….unite. That means the 6 weekers, the 5 monthers, the 6 yearsers. Anyone who’s tried deserves to be in my club. I loved you post. That is all.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 11:50 am
I stumbled onto your website while browsing “vote the top mom” page. I LOVED your post summary: “i’m pro-breastfeeding. i’m pro-formula feeding. i’m pro-feeding your baby. yep, that’s my boob”, I might have to steal that the next time I’m harassed! I have two children, 2 ½ year old and a six month old, both times I had low milk supply, I battled the constant emotional roller coaster that goes along with not being able to provide “boob juice” for your child. I made it eight months breast feeding my first child with the help of supplementing with formula, my second child I barely made it three months breast feeding. It was extremely difficult the second time around, I was chasing after a two year old, with a baby attached to the breast, I’d go majority of the day before realizing I hardly ate or drank anything…I still refuse to completely give up and I pump an ounce a day, if not to give little man a little mommy nutrition then to help with the horrible diaper rash that only seems to clear up when I rub breast milk on it.
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April 16th, 2010 @ 2:31 am
My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!
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April 16th, 2010 @ 1:31 pm
I, too, am in favor of feeding babies. I did breastfeed my little leech, er boy, for 15 months (which I ended b/c I was done.), but before him, I nannied for three consecutive infants, and fed them. formula. from a bottle. in public. and got judged. And I wasn’t even the mother. It’s sad when, as you point out, it comes from other women.
The hating made me into an angerball. How good was that for the babies, hmmm?
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April 21st, 2010 @ 12:03 am
My first was a preemie, and I did lots and lots of pumping in the first two months. Except for a couple of weeks in the beginning, when I got 1.5-2 ounces, I almost never made more than one ounce per pumping session. I obviously made enough milk, though, since once he was nursing at every feeding he gained weight well and didn’t much bother with solid food til he was weaned at the age of two. So don’t think your body can’t do it for your next baby just because the pump wasn’t effective! I wish you and your family all the best.
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May 19th, 2010 @ 1:27 pm
Hi!
I’m new to your blog—LOVE it, BTW. And, I totally agree and felt the EXACT same way you did about the formula. I even went a step further and lied (I know!) to my lactation consultant about the amount of “supplement” (that’s what we called it in the early days to ease my guilt) my daughter ate! Anyway, she’s almost 7 mos. old now and I’m almost over the disappointment of not being able to breastfeed her. I still look at other nursing mothers with pangs of jealousy! Thanks for sharing your story—I’m feeling a little less guilty already!
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