be nice or get out of my house.
Posted on | April 12, 2010 | 82 Comments
this post? will be my one and only post i ever pay trolls a bit of attention. but damnit, this needs to be said.
i’m so sick and tired of seeing my blog friends get nasty, anonymous comments on their blogs. today i was “lucky” enough to be a target and i’m essentially ok with it because i have to be. implying i am not as “pretty as you thought i was” or that i am fatter than you’d like me to be is not only childish, but plain gross. telling people their writing sucks, their opinions are wrong, their kids are ugly and such nonsense means you have issues. like serious, sad issues. hiding behind the “anonymous” option means your words are meaningless and you are a coward. it’s very sad that people have this kind of time on their hands.
blogging is a scary venture. you open yourself up to people you don’t know, in hopes that maybe you can connect with people you relate with. hope that something you say touches them or helps them through a bad day or tough time they may be going through. hope you can make someone, just one person, laugh and forget about their problems for at least the time it takes to read your post. it takes time, effort, heart and emotion. for people to smash that to smithereens by bashing your appearance, your thoughts, your honesty, anything, is infuriating to me.
this isn’t what we are here to do people. we are here to create community, help one another, circle together and write. share our stories. take people on a journey. how sad is it that some people feel the need to rain on that parade? how does making someone else feel bad help you sleep at night?
by blogging here, i am inviting you into my “home”. before you come over, i spruce it up a bit, hang pretty pictures for you to look at and open my door for you with a wide smile and open arms. if you enter, sit down and stay a while, you know, peruse the whole house and then tell me i’m ugly and dumb and my home sucks, then you’re gonna get the hell out of my house.
and if you continue to look through my windows after i kick you out? well at least i’m gonna shut those windows so i don’t have to hear you.
some blogs may leave the nasty comments, feed off of them and let their readers feed off of them. not this girl. i will say it means the world to me that my readers feel protective enough to come to my defense and i could not be more appreciative. but if i’m having a party and one person is an ass, you’re not about to ruin the good time for my other guests. you’re gonna get shown the front door.
when you leave a blatantly hurtful comment on a blog that i enjoy reading, you are threatening the existence of that blog. then you have pissed me off. i want to read REAL stories, REAL human emotion, REAL LIFE. you swoop in and make that writer for a second doubt what they’re doing there and you are messing with my reading enjoyment. you are taking away that persons ability to write without filters and for that, i hate you.
making yourself relatable means making yourself vulnerable. i’m ok with that, otherwise i wouldn’t be here. but being cruel is going to get you a one way ticket to the front porch. because i hold the control over the delete button, and fellow bloggers, you do too.
post summary: get your feet off my couch.
Comments
82 Responses to “be nice or get out of my house.”
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proudly sporting my super mama cape since 2008. i like to craft, eat noodles, tweet like mad, and long for more time with my handsome husband. i'm simply trying to navigate through the early years and come out on the other side with a kid who doesn't repeat words i use in the car. wish me luck.
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grab a button!
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:26 pm
Kicking troll asses and taking names!
I couldn’t agree more – I just don’t publish those comments and stopped replying to emails. All trolls are attention whores and usually get bored and leave if they don’t get any.
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:26 pm
I’m glad I found your blog your ParentMap. I’ve never understood people who spend their putting down others instead of putting their own opinions out there. No matter what anyone says, they take the opposite position. These people are not worth my time. I’ve learned they only stick around to see if I’ll attack. When I do, they jump into mid-season form. When I don’t, they go away. When I meet someone who reads my blog and says, “I don’t agree with you” I suggest they start their own blog. And I go away thinking, “at least I made them think”.
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:28 pm
Bravo. No need to put up with some troll’s crap.
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:31 pm
AMEN. you know how the cliche goes: if you got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. maybe this doesn’t hold true in all situations, because friends say shit to each other; BUT they say it to their faces, not under the cloak of the very convenient ‘Anonymous’. I’m sure if the author wanted any of her readers to say she is dumb and fat and ugly, she’d ask for it. I never imagined Mandy to be a masochist so haters – shut your twat and be miserable on your own. OR be nice and friendly and come join in on the awesomeness.
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:32 pm
Trolls suck at life and the interwebz make it way too easy for them to hide. I think you are handling it well, but I think you should out your moron so they can see what it’s like to have scrutiny. Nah, do what you want, but know that the rest of us were glad to get an invite into your house.
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:34 pm
great post, well said!
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April 12th, 2010 @ 11:38 pm
If this were a movie, there would be a swell of music and a standing ovation. And I’d get the chills and women would throw their bras on stage. I mean what?
No but seriously, get it girl. You’re freakin’ fantastic. You’re hilarious and pretty and so’s your kid. I’m jeally on all counts.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 12:09 am
This is so true and I am so glad you posted this!! Some of the comments left out there are just plain horrible, but the ones that make me see red are the ones directed at the kids. Nobody needs to say that your kid is ugly or that they are sorry you are that child’s mother, like some comments I’ve seen online. Comments don’t always have to be puppies and rainbows, but some people need to learn a little human decency.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 1:18 am
this actually brings up a really interesting point i hadn’t spent much time considering regarding blogging – before hitting “publish” on a post, we edit our photos to make them look pretty. we spell-check. if you’re anything like me, you may have your spouse read over what you’ve written to see if your attempt at being clever/humorous actually translates. we preview our posts to see that things look decent, if not polished… and it is actually SO similar to inviting a guest into your home! you’d pick up the place, clean things you normally ignore, put on some makeup, and have something nice to drink waiting in the fridge. nothing phony about either of these processes, just common courtesy… but if the guest you invited to your house were to stay around day after day after day, they’d see you (or at least me, for damn sure!) with two day old mascara flaking onto your cheeks, unwashed bottles in the sink, and dirty clothes piled in the corner of the bathroom. that guest would realize that it’s a normal home with normal messes – a baby who gets cranky sometimes, a mama who is a lunatic without her morning cup of coffee, a living room that turns into a disaster area within .25 hours of baby waking up, etc, etc…
so for some people, i suppose, getting to “know” a blog (and therefor its author) is a chance to hang around, to analyze, to critique. as you’ve said here, all too often it’s a forum for some, um, certain kinds of folks to pick apart and lash out at what they see. maybe they are jealous of others’ tiny victories, so they delight in their angry diatribe, cloaked in anonymity. all too often (in fact, on the pages of every single “successful” blogger that i read) i see the hatred thrown forward from these individuals – things said for the apparent purpose of delivering the most hurtful message possible in the least amount of words. it’s disturbing, it’s malicious and it’s all too frequent. and honestly? it is one of the main things that keeps me from promoting my own blog! i’m a sensitive person, and when i read the words i’ve had to watch my dear friends endure from the trolls, it makes me wary of blogging at all, let alone having my stories & photos exposed among thousands. it’s actually kind of nightmarish, what gets said out there. a sick reality, derived from a place i can’t relate to on ANY level…
i say, good for you on not allowing those kinds of comments to fester and promote anger/hatred/spitefulness on your blog. it makes sense to me that if you wouldn’t tolerate someone acting in such a way in your home, you would want your page to imply the same dignity.
well, my dear, here’s to NOT being a total asshat on the internets! i, for one, say “yes” to supporting my fellow blogger, and say a firm “FUCK OFF” to the trolls.
cheers!
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becca Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 7:09 am
what emily said. for realz.
you rock. & thanks for letting us all into your home. i like it here…
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nic @mybottlesup Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 9:14 am
i’ll third what emily said… cuz i love her that much.
and ps- this post rocked the casbah. thanks for writing it.
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nic @mybottlesup Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 9:14 am
i’ll third what emily said… cuz i love her that much.
and ps- this post rocked the casbah. thanks for writing it.
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becca Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 7:09 am
what emily said. for realz.
you rock. & thanks for letting us all into your home. i like it here…
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April 13th, 2010 @ 1:42 am
I hate trolls!! I have a few and I know who they are too. It’s pathetic.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 3:13 am
I’ve been popping over to your house uninvited for some time now.
I like it here.
x
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April 13th, 2010 @ 3:33 am
I need a “like” button.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 4:39 am
Absolutely! You go, girl!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 4:49 am
There are just some really sucky people in this world. Unfortunately, in our blogs and in our lives, the bad comes with the good, and will continue to do so. I wish it wasn’t so, and I wish the negative people would find themselves a more worthy hobby.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 4:55 am
I for one think that anyone who opens themselves up on a blog is courageous. I agree you are inviting us into your home and for someone to trash that is wrong. I have only ready your blog for a short time but it makes me feel better knowing there are other moms out there going through the same things as me with both their kids and their identity. The person who said those things is wrong in so many ways and I hope that they now understand that just because the internet can make them anonymous it shouldn’t stop them from using manners and being respectful. Oh and I for one think you are very pretty and not fat at all.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:08 am
I’m sorry that happened. I just found your house and it’s really nice.
(and thanks for the link to fyeahpugs. right on.)
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:24 am
A-FUCKING-MEN.
I am in control of the delete button. RESPECT.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:30 am
I like your policy, and I might have to adopt it for myself.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:31 am
ok… i may not have been following you for long, but i found you prettier than i thought you were… and i agree, hatefull comments makes the writer feel less for his/her work…
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:41 am
I’m starting a slow clap, but unfortunately it doesn’t have the same effect online.
Good post. It’s shame you had to write it, but good for you doing it. Looking forward to the next vlog. Did you figure out who it was? Did they man up and explain themselves/apologize?
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:52 am
Amen! Well said.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:00 am
Remember in Pretty Woman, when Julia Roberts is at the race track with all sorts of classy folk and she starts hooping and hollering. That’s me. Right now. Sitting in my office chair hooping and hollering at your well thought out and well written post.
PS. Fan-effing-tastic analogy, my friend.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:19 am
I completely agree. I got my first anonymous comment a month ago, someone attacked my mothering skills and poked fun at PPD. You are so right about it taking away the ability to write without filters. It’s taken me awhile to write honestly again. Thanks for saying all of this, for being real and open and honest. And eff the trolls.
P.S. are you ever going to “out” the troll?
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:24 am
I sent you a twitter message yesterday, but maybe your didnt see it? Anyways, I said (and now I repeat) that we love you. By “we” I mean all of your readers who appreciate you and all the effort you put into your blog. I find it difficult to understand why people leave rude comments, especially when they are anonymous. If you have something negative to say to a blogger and it is a constructive criticism, why not contact them directly by email? If it just something plain mean (like the comment you got), why do it at all? At the end, you (the troll) are the only one who is an ass. Maybe I am really naive, but I really don’t get why these things happen.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:27 am
Yes,Yes,Yes! Perfectly said.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:44 am
I understand why you don’t want to engage them.
Still, I love that you posted this. It’s always my fear that these ugly people will drive away all my favorite bloggers.
I love reading blogs, I’ve learned so much and there have been so many times that a blog post has made me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve laughed, cried, cheered and even prayed for some of the bloggers I follow and the idea of someone threatening that bond (as one sided as it may be – it still helps me thrive) just makes me sick.
Please keep to the writing, the Vlogging, the sharing of amazingly incredibly cute Harper pics, videos and stories. For every one JERK, there are hundred of us followers, I’m sure. And we love you!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:49 am
Wrote this to you on Twitter yesterday, but going to repeat it here:
Trolls suck. You ROCK.
Your blog has quickly become one of my favorites. A daily must-read. Keep it up!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:55 am
It’s amazing how ballsy people are when they are hiding behind their computers. Would these same people say those things to your face? I bet not. They are sad excuses for human beings. I couldn’t agree with what you said more–this is a community where we should all SUPPORT one another.
I guess what I’m trying to say is:
You are awesome. Trolls are not.
Aaaaannnddd scene.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 7:31 am
Censorship is alive and it lives in my Delete button. Not afraid to tell you to SUCK IT if you come in my house and criticize. You rock, Mandy, and anyone who says otherwise is welcome to step outside with me. To quote The Cutting Edge… I’m in the mood to kick a little ass!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 7:47 am
Don’t let the trolls get ya down Mandy, keep doin what ur doin. I just hope this won’t stop u & pycho kitty from tryin
vloggin again :^)
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April 13th, 2010 @ 8:01 am
you go girl! i’ve never understood why anyone feels it’s necessary to leave nasty comments…it’s so childish!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 8:17 am
Trolls are pathetic sorry you had to be subjected to that ): Personally I think you’re gorgeous (: It’s a known truth that people who feel the need to put others down (especially anonymously!) are jealous losers who feel super inadequate in comparison. I mean, I’m jealous of your adorable family but not in the “hate-my-own-life” way! Pleaaase don’t let one dumbass deter you from vlogging more! Much love (:
-Sarah
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April 13th, 2010 @ 8:18 am
DAMN TOOTIN’! Trolls should be escorted out of the party so the rest of us can keep having our fun. And by fun I mean envying that headband you wore in your vlog.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 8:29 am
“like” button
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April 13th, 2010 @ 8:43 am
You said that all so well! so many people love you and your blog
i can’t believe this happens!?!?!?!? wtf?!! people are so lame and have sad lives.
not to give you a big head and all {;)} but i adore your blog, vlog, every post is so funny. and your baby girl is the cutest kid EVER!
thanks for letting me in your “house”
trolls suck.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 8:53 am
I love you so much. You said it perfectly.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:12 am
I am not popular enough yet to get a troll, but I feel just like you do. Rock on!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:12 am
Very well said. I just don’t understand the need to leave nasty comments, really what’s the point?
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:13 am
Well said!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:13 am
Well put, my friend. I actually feel kind of bad for those pathetic people who leave anonymous hateful comments, because they obviously are hugely insecure themselves and didn’t get enough hugs as kids.
I hope–after a day to digest everything–you’re not taking anything they said seriously. You’re awesome and everyone knows it! The haters are simply jealous!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:14 am
That’s GOOD! I never thought of responding to a nasty commenting as feeding it, but you are so right. DELETE! Thanks for the perspective!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:15 am
SUCK IT, TROLLS! I LURVE you, Mandy!!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:15 am
Well done. Well done.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:20 am
Yay! Kick those troll asses out!!
If people want to disagree with what you say, fine. But anonymous trolls who only seek to criticize and belittle need to GTFO!!
Awesome post.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:20 am
huzzah!
BOOYAH!
and other terms…
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:20 am
So sorry you had that experience! It sucks that there are people out there that have nothing better to do than try to ruin the online community for others.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:24 am
A-to the MEN! You tell em! I hate trollers. and nasty ones!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:27 am
Very well put. I appreciate how you compared it to welcoming someone into your home, because when I read my favorite blogs it’s like I get to come inside and “visit” with this person I never met and it’s very enjoyable. So since it is your “house” you have all the power as to who comes in and gets to sit awhile and who gets the boot!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:36 am
It’s awesome you pointed this out. I don’t blog, but I have a journal. I’ve decided to keep this journal public for my family members and people who may want to know more about what’s going on in my life. I have to admit, I never went to collage, couldn’t go. Had to work full time and help my mom..I didn’t even do public High School. I did independent studies. With that said, I’m not gonna be the perfect speller, not gonna have sentence structure…I lived in a area where the school district was aweful, and a music teacher had to teach math class..It was so sad. What I’m trying to get at is, I’ve had my share of “trolls”…getting so frustrated at what I write and how I write it. If my writting irritates anyone, then don’t read! Low blow comments about grammer…and of course this is all said and done BEHIND THEIR COMPUTERS! I have to admit, I’m a very honest person. I say it like it is, and I know this doesn’t sit well with some. I don’t offend anyone, of course I make sure not to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I also abide by, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it. To clarify, I am honest about “subjects/discussions”..because I sure as hell am entitled to my opinion. I just don’t understand why people have to hide behind their computers, post annonymous…
I like what you said, if you post annonymous, your opinion is meaningless…and they ARE cowards!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:36 am
This is why I LOVE the IP address tracker. Folks should know that I am a PI in training and I will track a bitch down to the computer she is sitting at in the public library. Show up one day and say hey so do I really not look like you thought I did. Mess with me if you want to…… whew that felt good.
If they were really bad they would allow everyone to see who they are. Don’t hide make yourself known since you want to try and put people on front street.
OK /vent because my North Las Vegas is coming out.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:37 am
Hear hear. If they don’t like anything about your blog (or any other site) then why do they look at it? Why don’t they just click their way out and look at some other website instead? If people feel the need to sit and read your blog even though they don’t like it and then take the time and energy to post a nasty comment and yet keep their identity hidden, then clearly they have some sort of issues that they are taking out on you.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:38 am
1000 yeses.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:48 am
I’m glad you posted this. I received my first scary comment today and deleted it, and for a few minutes wondered if I should just stop blogging. It was about some 16 girls who have apparently been stealing pictures of Mary and Lila off my blog and entering them into contests on myspace, passing them off as their own daughters. SCARY! Why are there so many weirdos out there? Seriously people, get the hell out of my house!
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Mandy Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 10:33 am
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????????
wow. i have no words kirst. that is just…wow.
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
That is so SO scary. That is why i JUST started watermarking all of my pictures i post on my blog. Yikes.
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Mandy Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 10:33 am
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????????
wow. i have no words kirst. that is just…wow.
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
That is so SO scary. That is why i JUST started watermarking all of my pictures i post on my blog. Yikes.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:49 am
[...] of Mandy who, I’m sure, really wanted to rail on trolls in general, and who didn’t just post this for the link [...]
April 13th, 2010 @ 10:07 am
Mandy, it just plain sucks. I really don’t understand people. I remember my first encounter, and it broke my heart. I felt sick for days. Putting a positive spin on it, a friend reassured me, “that is how you know you have made it.” I think it all stems from jealousy. You are one of the most talented and entertaining bloggers out there, and I wish I had 10% of your gift!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 11:09 am
Right on! The DELETE button is our friend. I love your blog Mandy, keep it up and know that you.are.loved.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 11:44 am
what a great post, i love love the analogy that we are inviting readers into our ‘home’, love love that and so very true =) way to go here!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 12:24 pm
As always, you are awesome. That is all.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 1:36 pm
Word, sister. I’ve been there, where someone just pops out of nowhere and says some rude, hurtful crap… and they’re ALWAYS anon. At least have the balls to stand behind your ridiculous comment instead of being a coward about it.
This sounds totally 7th grade of me, but “they’re just jealous”. Seriously. Your blog is amazing, you are hot and hilarious and Harper is the most sweet, adorable child ever. Haters to the MF’ing left.
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April 13th, 2010 @ 1:45 pm
Well I love your blog and whoever was mean to you can suck it! I think you’re beautiful and hilarious and so is Harper. Keep doin what you’re doin!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 1:47 pm
Luckily I haven’t experience this yet because well, not many people read my blog lol But I have seen it on other blogs and it really gets to me. I mean really, people need to be a D to someone that they don’t even know and then go under anonymous is just childish and pathetic. I love reading your blog and seriously your daughter is soo ADORABLE! and people who feel the need to attack need to buzz off.. Jerks
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April 13th, 2010 @ 2:06 pm
i’m glad you stood up for yourself and others. i recently touched on this in my blog. it makes me ill how plain gross some people can be, but in the end, all that i need to know is that i am a good person, and they are not. they have to carry that around, not me!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 2:20 pm
Some folks never grow up…or they grow up being bitter, judgmental, ignorant butts. I’m stoked there are people out there like you brightening our days. You can either put good out into the world or bad…your choice…and always remember, kharma’ll take care of the rest!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 2:37 pm
Unfortunately trolls are in all areas of our lifes. People who are so unhappy withing their own life the only way they can feel confident and happy is to bully and drag people down.
Thank you for a great blog, thank you for allowing us into your home. I promise everytime I return I will wipe my feet
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April 13th, 2010 @ 4:01 pm
WORD!
But, I still think the “ugly show” starring Mandy & Milo would be a hit. It’s got a ring to it!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 4:16 pm
perfectly said. We are a new blog, so no mean comments yet, but have seen more than my share on other people’s blogs. I truly don’t understand why people think they are going to sing;e-handedly change the blogger’s opinion by leaving a nasty comment. Stupid.
But I also figure if they had a point of view or interesting thoughts to share with the world, they would have their own blog, no?
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:19 pm
if you ever need to know if you are ugly or pretty, look at harper, an ugly person could NOT have made that girl!!!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:39 pm
some people just need a good kick in the shins.
p.s. you’re perdy
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April 13th, 2010 @ 5:51 pm
Well said!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 6:41 pm
AMAZING post.
Well said sister, well said!!!
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April 13th, 2010 @ 9:32 pm
I love that in response to the one negative comment, you’ve received 75 thumbs up for this post. If/when the negativity rears its troll head again, keep this support in mind … And of course, make full use of the delete button.
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April 14th, 2010 @ 10:10 am
Grrr. I am angry for you. Nasty people should have their internet privileges revoked.
Keep writing the ‘good stuff’ ’cause I want to keep reading.
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April 14th, 2010 @ 7:36 pm
Well said. I’m sorry some ogre tried to rain on your parade. I hate people sometimes. Good job not letting it ruin everything. Keep writing!! <3
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April 15th, 2010 @ 7:30 am
Very well said. Glad I found you from alotofnothing
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April 15th, 2010 @ 12:57 pm
Can you please bottle this attitude and mail it to me?
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April 18th, 2010 @ 12:07 pm
I’ve gotten some VERY hurtful comments multiple times. I finally decided to prohibit anonymous douche bags from being able to post while hiding behind their ugly mask. If you want to tell me my teeth are too big & that I look like a skank you can tell me with a real identity… and then I’ll kick your ass gladly.
There were a few comments that truly got to me & I literally cried about it. Why? These people don’t REALLY know us right? So we shouldn’t let it bug us. But it still does so I completely can relate to you!
Keep blogging. I love your writing. And Harper needs to be Gianna’s BFF. Cuz they have great style & are cute as can be. And I think their moms would enjoy cocktails together. So there… you’re hot & anonymous is just a jealous cockface.
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April 19th, 2010 @ 8:36 am
Who could say a mean thing to @teammandy? I agree.. get your feet off my couch.
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April 26th, 2010 @ 8:04 pm
These sorts of issues are part of the reason (despite CodeNamaMama’s nudging) that I don’t really want to find the energy for a papa blog.
SO much work goes into writing it, trying to make it funny or sad (or sadly funny, where appropriate) and then someone wants to start arguing with you about something?
When conflict has occurred on her page it gets me riled up – what’s the point of arguing on the internet, people?
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