what do i even title this?

Posted on | April 22, 2010 | 47 Comments

so as a blogger, i think about blogs often. it’s my “thing”. it’s “what i do”. with BlogHer coming up in august, i’ve spent some time (read: a lot) thinking about all the kick ace people i’m gonna meet. then i get paralyzed with fear because i have no clue what to do after i meet them. but i digress (for now).

apparently all this blogger talk/thoughts have invaded my dreams. this one is a doozy, and i actually got SAD when i woke up and it wasn’t true. because really? my sub conscious is COMIC GOLD.

the scene is NYC, august, hilton hotel.

overwhelmed by the sheer awesomeness, i head into the lobby bathroom to freak out. no one else is in there except Jenny, The Bloggess and her cat, which is on her head. i’m all “hey Jenny, hey cat” and she’s all “WHAT OF IT” and goes back to brushing her teeth (you can’t write this shiz, you really can’t).

internally i am super sad because she is my blog superhero. one time she commented on my blog (incidentally, saying she’d see me in the bathroom at BlogHer) and when Scot asked why i was freaking out, i was like, “imagine if Danny Carey watched you play the drums for 5 minutes” and he was all “OH.”

so. in a desperate attempt to make her like me real quick i’m all “hey, remember that time on twitter when we discussed narwhals?” (by discussed i mean i asked her if she liked them and she said yes) and she is all “WHAT OF IT”. at this point i begin thinking this isn’t the real Jenny, but a robot someone is punking me with that only says “WHAT OF IT”. to test my theory i ask her if she wants to blow this popsicle stand and go get a narwhal tattoo with me.

this part is blurry, but she says yes and we find a drink napkin to you know, sketch out our new tat on, because that’s what savvy people do.

because commemorating an event you have been too scared to participate in thus far with a lady with a cat hat is a SPLENDID IDEA

somehow we end up in a tattoo parlor (dreams are neat aren’t they?) and well well well, if it isn’t Justin Beiber giving people tattoos (in my dream he has no face because honestly, who IS this guy kid?). whats really creepy is instead of talking he sings, like it’s a musical but he’s the only one in it. anyways, so we’re totally getting our narwhal ink and in walks Aunt Becky. she’s there to get a House tattoo. yes, a tattoo of Dr. House’s face. so we’re all happily getting tattooed by Beiber and his posse when my roommates, Mae, Jill and Beth Anne, bust into the tattoo shop all wearing bumpits and are all “ZOMG MANDY! what are you doing?! Scot is going to kill you!” and Aunt Becky is all “you shut your whore mouth when Mandy is getting a blogher ’10 narwhal tattoo”.

i’m not sure which is better, that i got the tattoo on my face or that the abrupt end to my dream (don’t you hate that about good dreams?) was that Jenny’s cat pooped (oh yes, the cat was on her head the whole time) and my friend The Next Martha came in and started rapping with the Beibs, because DUH, instead of a regular voice, hers was that of a T-Pain microphone.

END SCENE.

post summary: if this doesn’t happen at BlogHer, i’m gonna be pissed.

Category: au jus serious?, BLOGHER, thats embarassing, wait what?

Comments

  • http://www.threepugsandababy.com Jennifer @ three pugs & a baby

    You better be wearing one of those video cameras and keep a live stream going. Because this should not be missed.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mom-nom.com Tiffany

    I am even jealous of your dream. THAT’S how bad I want to go to Blogher.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.parentinginprogress.wordpress.com mae

    Oh hell yes this fucking is happening. With one small change; I will be with you and Jenny getting my narwhal tattoo, but i’m putting mine on the boob to scare my next kid.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.designhermomma.com designHer Momma

    confession – I often dream about bloggers. Last night it was @mooshinindy

    can’t wait to meet you at BlogHER this year!

    [Reply]

  • J

    GNAR.WAL.

    [Reply]

  • http://thechroniclesofcorbin.blogspot.com/ Jill

    holy crap. that is hilarious.

    [Reply]

  • thenextmartha

    I must say that your dreams kick my dreams asses. In mine, I’m actually on a stage rapping with the Beibs and you, Mae, Jill, Blair, and the Jenny’s are all in the audience with your narwhal tattooed heads throwing cat poop at me.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.pyjammy.com pam

    just FYI, my boys have a stuffed narwhal. does that make them cool?

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 10:25 am

    yes. yes it does.

    [Reply]

  • http://ahokieandacav.blogspot.com Katherine in VA

    You are awesome. This dream definitely had me cracking up.

    [Reply]

  • http://theheirtoblair.com Blair@HeirtoBlair

    I’m bringing my Flip to Blogher. End of story.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.onceuponacline.com Mrs. Cline

    Seriously? This is the best thing I’ve ever read.

    I actually did meet Jenny The Bloggess last summer and I nearly peed my pants. She HUGGED me. Like she had any idea who I was. She is lovely and darling and had on the CUTEST dress and shoes. No cat, though. So now I’m kinda disappointed.

    And Aunt Becky?! I want to live in your dreams.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.ajdplusthree.com Anne

    This just made my day! I love your dreams (in a non-creepy way of course).

    [Reply]

  • http://www.g6scrapped.blogspot.com Tricia

    Seriously you completely rock awake and asleep!

    [Reply]

  • Jen

    ::Initiates slow clap while giving Mandy a standing ovation::

    Why can’t my dreams be that supa cool?

    [Reply]

  • http://www.adventuroo.com Melissa (@adventuroo)

    I thought my dreams were BLEEPED up! This is frickin hilarious! I can’t wait to see what Jenny and Aunt Becky have to say about narwhals.

    [Reply]

  • Keri

    Absolutely hilarious. Your dream is great. I hope it all comes true for you. minus the cat poop. LOL

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 10:25 am

    and minus THE FACE TATTOO.

    [Reply]

  • http://bringingupbaby.tumblr.com Jess

    I just died. Actually, I’m impressed you can recall all the details of such a weird ass dream. Normally, I wake up from something like that and am all, “wtf just happened?” and immediately forget everything. I’m so happy you remembered this one, though.

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 10:26 am

    i totally “wtf’d”, then immediately blogged before it left my mind.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mom-in-a-million.com Rebekah @ mom-in-a-million

    This? This right here? Is why I’m sad not to be going to BlogHer.

    [Reply]

  • http://babyrabies.com Jill @BabyRabies

    So the question is, do you act out your dreams while you sleep? And am I sharing a bed with you?
    God, please don’t tattoo me in my sleep. You can put Bumpits in my hair and put it in a pretty French braid and make me look like I’m from a compound, but dear God, don’t tattoo me.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.lilkidthings.com Andrea

    So when is the Narwhal party? I’m totally rsvp-ing!

    [Reply]

  • Peyton

    Ok. So I’m a teacher, and I may or may not have just read this while in the midst of 15 7th graders who are TAKING A TEST.

    Not a good idea.

    I am literally beside myself and could not be any more obsessed than I already am with the following: 1) the cat was ON HER HEAD, 2) narwhal tattoos (makes me think of “Elf,” and I know I’m not the only one…), 3) narwhal FACE tattoos, 4) bumpits (these things canNOT be for real), 5) T-Pain mic voices, and 6) I think I’m going to start saying “WHAT OF IT” on a regular basis.

    THANK YOU for just making my afternoon, making my students wonder why in the hell (they’re 12, so, heck?) I’m trying so hard to stifle laughter, and for making me realize my dreams, though increasingly vivid of late, ain’t got nothin’ on yours.

    Paging Dr. Freud,
    peyton

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mybottlesup.com nic @mybottlesup

    aw man, i LOVE when i have such vivid dreams like this… and about such killer ladies… wow!

    while i’m not attending BH, i’m close enough to drive in to NYC for an evening of cocktails and shenanigans. hope to find you in a bathroom somewhere, as i tend to hide in them even at local blogging events.

    *duck and run with my wine*

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    heh heh, you said BH.

    [Reply]

    nic @mybottlesup Reply:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 10:27 am

    heh… wait… i don’t get it.

    *going back to my bathroom*

    [Reply]

  • Pingback: How do I begin to explain… /  blogged bliss

  • Tammy

    You made my day. Best post ever! You crack me up! I’m glad I’m not the only one that has dreams like this and can remember them! :)

    [Reply]

  • http://justonemoretrip.blogspot.com becca

    best post ever? quite possibly.

    [Reply]

  • http://houseofburks.wordpress.com Rachel B.

    MAKE IT HAPPEN.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.myfille.blogspot.com Fiona

    Reminds me of the pregnancy dreams I had where I gave birth to like 10 kittens and I kept loosing them and shoving them in my pockets. I would get so mad trying to put tiny little diapers on them and dress them in mini cat sweaters. I finally stepped on one and was all, “Thank god, one less damn tiny cat to think about”! And the other creepy one I had weekly where I would give birth to a 5 year old who would come out of me, clamber up my stomach and hug me all bloody and stuff.

    I relayed these to hubs and he thought I was insane, of course.

    Thanks for the laugh at work.

    [Reply]

  • http://mymommadrama.com Momma Drama

    Most.Awesome.Dream.Ever

    [Reply]

  • Kelly

    OMG, this is the funniest thing ever. I don’t even know your friends or the details of what you described, but this is hilarious!

    [Reply]

  • Heaterm

    I cannot wait until August to see how real life pans out. I am particularly interested to see if the cat fulfills his role. :)

    [Reply]

  • http://familysizedfun.blogspot.com FamilySizedFun

    well that just sounds like quite the little “virus” you came down with

    *note to self
    do not leave drink unattended in the bathroom at BlogHer

    [Reply]

  • http://mommyisrocknroll.com Lauren

    YES. And… YES.

    [Reply]

  • http://knott-the-mama.blogspot.com/ Lexi Knott

    hehe, your drawing looks remarkably like a tattoo I already have! ;)
    see here: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2232/30/69/10021216/n10021216_43681445_1789.jpg

    [Reply]

  • Jenn

    Hilarious, Just Hilarious.

    [Reply]

  • http://jessesco.blogspot.com Jessica

    That is the most hilarious thing I think I’ve read all day.

    [Reply]

  • http://prettyswell.wordpress.com Suzanne

    So you totally need to send this post to the Blogess. If I were her, I’d want to give you a big kiss. Then put my cat on YOUR head.

    HILARIOUS.

    [Reply]

  • http://mommywantsvodka.com Aunt Becky

    Actually, that IS what I am doing in NYC! Will you hold my hand, please?

    [Reply]

  • rachel

    you have amazing dreams. :)

    [Reply]

  • http://www.thebloggess.com Jenny, Bloggess

    WHAT OF IT.

    Also, yes. Narwhal tattoos all around. But I’m totally not bringing my cat to blogher. *Drama Queen.* Honestly, she’s worse than I am at conferences.

    [Reply]

  • http://sarcastica.org Sarcastica

    If this isn’t your Blogher recap post, *I’m* going to be pissed. Just saying.

    You better get that tattooed somewhere, LMFAO

    [Reply]

  • http://littleloveys.blogspot.com/ Laura Scott

    i’m jealous..i can only remember my dreams when i’m pregnant…i guess that’s why i keep getting pregnant…dreams show you yes, i do have a sense of humor…

    except i always dream in black and white and in the dark…analyze that!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

    I hopped on over from Emily’s blog – Pooksville http://poppymilkface.wordpress.com :-)
    I just wanted to say hi and to tell that I’m going to BlogHer. Cannot wait. Totally nervous too…but it hasn’t taken over my dreams yet. Now that I say that, haha!

    [Reply]