issues – i haz them.

Posted on | June 30, 2010 | 37 Comments

i have a serious road rage problem.

like, i’m not gonna get outta my car at a stoplight and try to punch anyone and i don’t keep a crowbar in my trunk or anything, but let’s just say words are my friends in the car, and let’s be real here, YELLING AT PEOPLE IS AWESOME. since Harper came along, it’s been my mission and biggest hurdle to take a chill pill on the car language. it’s hard. but since i really don’t want my kid repeating anything i say whilst i’m in a blind rage in the car, i have severely taken it down a notch.

it wouldn’t be a problem in the first place if people would just LEARN TO DRIVE. find a happy medium between driving like a bat out of hell trying to murder people and crawling along like you’re on your sunday stroll. find the gas pedal for the love of jason mraz and USE IT. that little bar jutting out forth your steering wheel? yes, that little guy not 3 inches from where your hand is now? it’s called a blinker and it would help so profusely when it comes to me deciding whether or not you ARE THE WORLDS BIGGEST IDIOT (spoiler alert: you are). the light just turned green – what shade exactly is it that you’re waiting for? OMG GO! GOOOOO for the love of baby and standard size jesusssss!

i think 10 miles an hour is an acceptable speed for a parking lot, where people, kids and old people are milling about, trying to get safely into the store and back. i also think you should perhaps turn your head BOTH WAYS as you’re pulling out of a parking spot so i don’t have to stop suddenly whilst holding my child contemplating how much trouble i’d get in for kicking your car. speaking of parking – HOW HARD IS IT? they put the two lines there for you and everything. all your stupid ass has to do is get the car between them. yet it’s still an impossible task. now i’m bending all gumby like just trying to get out of my car. THANKS SO MUCH.

QUIT WITH THE TEXTING ALREADY. no one, and i repeat no one, will die if you don’t respond to Chad RIGHT NOW about what beer to bring to the bbq or what puka shell necklace will look best with your salmon (it’s pink, btw douche) polo shirt. people however will die, if you ram into them at 50 mph because you can’t wait to see what Amber is wearing to the “club” tonight. i’m totally gonna pull an oprah here and say STOP TEXTING. you’re gonna kill someone. yourself, fine, but others, NO.

tonight i had to run a few errands, so i went alone after Scot was home. it’s always weird to leave the house with an empty car seat since H is literally always with me. you know what my favorite part of the 25 minute errands trip was? yelling loudly. telling people where they should go. exclaiming at the top of lungs “I HOPE YOU GET DIARRHEA BEFORE YOU GET HOME!” and “GO FALL OFF THE TACOMA NARROWS BRIDGE!” and “YOU’RE GONNA GET SCURVY ON YOUR FACE!” and countless other things i cannot possibly type here lest you think i’m certifiable (spoiler alert number 2 – i am). it. was. glorious.

i’m home now and feel like a new woman. total stress reliever. i think i need to make a weekly date with myself to just go for a drive and go totally ape poop crazy on some mofo’s.

hey, it’s cheaper than therapy.

post summary: you can’t really get scurvy on your face. unless you’re a pirate. OR THAT GUY NOT USING HIS BLINKER.

{notes to harper}

Posted on | June 29, 2010 | 39 Comments

dear Harper,

the other night i had a hard time falling asleep. i was thinking of my upcoming trip in a few months and leaving you for the first time. the thought of it really makes my heart sad and gives me a big knot in my throat. i know you won’t even know i’m gone and you’ll be having so much fun with your daddy and both of your grandmas, but still it makes me anxious. it’s going to be much harder on me than you!

i was tossing and turning, unable to sleep when you cried out over the monitor. you do this a few times a night, and always quickly put yourself back to sleep (most of the time i swear you’re not even awake), but this time i welcomed the excuse to get up and see you. i came into your room and scooped you up, along with your blankie and binkie (both of which you pronounce the same :]), pressed play on the cd player and sat down in the rocking chair.

as i listened to the lulabies play, i thought about how little you used to be. this cd has been in the player since you very first started sleeping in your own room. as we rocked i noticed you now stretch from my knees all the way up to my shoulder. i held you tightly and stroked your hair, which has grown so long into tiny curls in the back. you were clutching your blankie and i could feel you sucking your pacifier against my shoulder. we sat, we rocked, i cried. time goes so quickly and everyone tells you that but it is never as clear as it is now. soon years will have passed and you will no longer fit on my lap, let alone my chest. you will not be interested in such things as cuddling with your mom, so i cherish these moments whenever they present themselves, and always have. if time could be bottled, i’d use it on the time spent with you in that chair, just the two of us in the dark rocking.

after about 20 minutes i knew you were back to sleep. i wiped my face, squeezed you tight and told you i loved you.

a tiny, sleepy voice said back “luh you”.

you won’t remember this moment, but i always, always will.

love,

mommy

quack quack.

Posted on | June 29, 2010 | 15 Comments

because it’s never too early to learn how to pee on a duck.

tuesday cute.

Posted on | June 29, 2010 | 26 Comments

tuesdays can be pretty lame, no? sure, they don’t suck like mondays, but you’re not half way through the week yet and nothing really feels special about them. Harper wanted to brighten up your possibly less-than-stellar tuesday with a vlog.

the thinking chair part is my personal favorite – further proof that the “coos coos” has really infiltrated the wittle brain. yes, my child watches tv. you could judge me, but you’d judge harder if i never got a chance to shower and you had to smell me. happy tuesday!