let’s talk about how stupid i am.

Posted on | June 3, 2010 | 109 Comments

have you ever said something really lame? like, spoke to soon or put your foot in your mouth or just plain said something DUMB? if so, sit down and have some coffee with me. and if not, WELL AREN’T YOU SPECIAL.

i could go on for way too long about all of the stupid things i’ve said. not only do i sometimes say really lame things that are blatently wrong, but that i think are right, but i also apparently love the taste of my own foot. like the time when i was a receptionist and one employee had been gone for over a week and returned. he was grabbing all his mail from his inbox and i was all “soooo, where’d you go? did you have fun? no fairs! *i* want a vacation!” and he was all “my mom died”.

oh.

::kick self, hard::

my husband and my friends find great joy in things that i have said that are um, incorrect. they like to remind me often. you know how sometimes you just have dumb days, or even just dumb hours? like the time there was a possible typhoon coming towards the west coast [or something, i don't remember the details - dumb, remember?]. scot and i were driving along and he said something about the typhoon.

“you mean tycoon“, i said in the omg-you’re-so-wrong-and-dumb-right-now-how-cute voice.

“no. i mean typhoon”, he said.

“tycoon”.

“honey, a tycoon is like, a business mogul. i’m talking about the hurricane like weather front. a typhoon.” he said, sweetly, but obviously very entertained.

“tycoon”. [hates to be wrong, must have last wrong word at all times].

we no sooner got to our destination before he was dialing up our best friend alex to tell him the story. i still get texts from both of them at random moments that simply say “tycoon. typhoon”. jerks.

then there was the time i flat out asked scot if monkeys lay eggs. there may have been wine involved, but the thing is [the super sad thing mind you] is i was kind of serious. and here’s why. have YOU ever seen a monkey give birth? my guess is no. you’ve prolly seen a monkey pick their nose or eat their own feces, but chances are you’ve never seen one have a baby. living in the pacific northwest, we’d go to farms and the whatnot for field trips and sometimes there were videos of say, a horse being born. or a cow. or what have you. i’ve yet to see a monkey give birth. was it a dumb thing to say? YES. did i genuinely want to know the answer when i asked the question? um, yes.

just to let you all know, people ask all kinds of questions about monkeys that are ridiculous. i had to type in “do monkeys l” before it came up, along with “do monkeys laugh” (of course not, they’re monkeys, idiot!). but check out what other people wanted to know:

ok. do monkeys have legs? hand me my phd, because clearly, i am a genius compared to other people alive on this earth. do monkeys have periods? a) why are you googling this and 2) no seriously, WHY ARE YOU GOOGLING THIS. clearly, the person who asked if monkeys have belly buttons is on my egg wavelength, and is clearly an outside-the-box-thinker and i like that. please email me if you read this. i think you and i could be a couple of real typhoons.

post summary :: i think it goes without saying that i’d love to hear some of the dumbest things you’ve ever said. you know, to make myself feel better.

Category: confessions, Scot, sillyness, thats embarassing, wait what?

Comments

  • http://www.stickybabychronicles.blogspot.com Lise

    During the whole Obama election phase, I happened to say the phrase ‘Yes we can’ to my husband and he said, ‘nice one, very timely of you to say that’. I had NO FRIGGIN’ CLUE what he was on about. I was all like, ‘what do you mean timely? I don’t get it’. He was like, ‘babe, Yes we can, you know what that is’ and I was like, ‘hells no hubby, you may as well be speaking himalayan right now, tell me what that is’, ‘what is it what is it what is it’. He refused to believe I had never heard the phrase. I seriously had not. Was in la-la land, pregnant up to my wazoo and was very obviously in my own little knocked-up-obsessed-with-my-own-belly-button world. Very embarassing. Very dumb. Feel better?

    [Reply]

    RockerByeBaby Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Lise… if you have kinda and are like me… chances are you know YES WE CAN from this…
    bob the builder…
    CAn we fix it!? YES WE CAN! lol
    welcome to my world…

    [Reply]

  • http://www.law-momma.com Law Momma

    One time at a restaurant I was trying to add my tip in to the total and I started adding but I was carrying the numbers left to right instead of right to left. My friend tried to tell me I was wrong but I was adamant that THAT WAS HOW YOU DO IT. It took me at least twenty minutes of arguing with her before I realized that maybe I should invest in a calculator to carry with me at all times.

    [Reply]

  • http://kaleytaylor.wordpress.com Kaley

    Yes, seriously, WHY ARE THEY GOOGLING THAT?

    [Reply]

  • http://beautynthebanker.blogspot.com/ Beauty&theBanker

    I can totally relate! I like to consider myself pretty smart, I have always done well in school, but holy cow you would never know it based on some of the things I come up with…. I like to call it “creative”.

    Example:
    I live if Florida so there are lizards everywhere. There was one on our screen, so we could see its belly and I was like “OMG honey this lizard is having a baby on our screen!” I mean, hello, there was a little tiny lizard coming out of its tummy. Baby right? Well when my hubby couldn’t stop laughing and told me to stop watching. He then reminded me that lizards lay eggs… Yeah they were definitely doin the nasty. I was close though right?

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 9:26 am

    LIZARDS LAY EGGS???

    ::runs away::

    [Reply]

  • http://www.lifeintheha.com Ali

    Mandy, you make me laugh. I just might be giggling about this post all day. Happy Friday!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.littlesoupfamily.com Lacy C

    I’m quite curious myself why anyone in this world is curious if a monkey has a period.. Very strange..

    I’ve said some pretty dumb things which just entertains my husband over the moon and back. I think we all do from time to time.

    [Reply]

  • http://ninjapanza.blogspot.com sara

    here’s what popped into my head as i read this: (my mom actually said it, but that doesn’t mean i haven’t said something equally as dumb)

    mom: eh, it’s a wash. 6 dozen of one, half of the other.

    me: wait, what?

    [Reply]

  • http://look-at-the-birds.blogspot.com/ t.bird

    i shot a wedding this weekend where the groom is a Marine. considering that this guy is my bff’s little brother, i knew this..really.

    anyway- after said wedding, family & friends are gathered & talking. an uncle jokes that he was going to prop a rifle up next to the wedding arbor thingy because rifles are cool (or something manly like that)

    i remark (very loudly & importantly like i know what i’m talking about) “well if he was in the Marines then he would have had to have a rifle cause that’s what they do…”

    ::crickets::

    his dad: “he IS a marine you nitwit!” (he said this lovingly..i swear)

    me: “…right. JK! CHEEESE!!!” click click click.

    i hate my mouth.

    [Reply]

  • http://charminglychandler.com/ Alena

    Maybe the period question went along with the do they give birth question? Hmmmmm….

    I say so many stupid things, that there’s no possible way to list them all now.

    [Reply]

  • http://calamityjen.tumblr.com/ Jennifer

    I just laughed out loud for the first time in like, months. thanks.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.grumblesandgrunts.com the grumbles

    i regularly transpose words or parts of words in my sentences and say them in the wrong order. my husband jumps all over it EVERY TIME to laugh laugh laugh at me. also, when i get mad i yell things that don’t make any sense like, “I DON’T LIKE YOUR FACE SHOES” and, “YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LIKE WHEN ME ANGRY ARE!”

    do you know how frustrating it is to have someone laughing at you when you’re super pissed?!?!?!?

    but i guess i like it or something. at least one of us is always laughing.

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    i don’t like your face shoes is pure awesome.

    [Reply]

    RockerByeBaby Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    this is me… all the time. Its cuz Im a stay at home mom i swear… i went to college an pulled A’s with a major in Psychology… now I spend my time talking to two and three year olds regularly and apparently have dumbed down quite a bit… lol I also screw up big time when im mad… ugh.

    [Reply]

  • http://from-magerks-to-i-dos.blogspot.com/ Kt

    I’m very bad with common phrases – I mix up the words for some reason. My husband is from England and he has lots of british phrases. I liked one of them (and Bob’s your uncle, which basically in U.S. terms means “and that’s that). I decided to start using it awhile back. I was using it here and there. Then he heard me say it. But I was saying “and that’s your uncle bob.” He looked at me funny, and started chuckling. Apparently, I’m not so great at remembering the correct phrase for things. I still use that phrase incorrectly every time.

    [Reply]

  • http://bebebirdbeck.blogspot.com Amber

    Oh my goodness.. just found your blog and you are adorable!! :]

    [Reply]

  • http://thewifeychronicles.wordpress.com Ashley G.

    Okay so my husband still makes fun of me for this-
    Were laying in bed about to watch a movie on DVD and we come to the menu where you choose Theatrical or Extended version. I said ” let’s watch theatrical because it has more drama!”

    but really it means the version from the theatre. ::palm to forhead::

    [Reply]

  • Alicia (Windsor, Canada)

    I could not resist the opportunity to illustrate my own stupidity for the internet masses…though if you’re not into hockey I may just be making a bigger arse of myself…

    alas, here goes:
    Watching a hockey game one night with my husband, the defenseman blocked a hard shot with his skate & the announcer says, “…those bees in his skate must be stinging him now” I actually asked my husband why they wouldn’t check his skates for bugs before they sent the player on the ice.

    Honestly, I said that.
    As if bees in skates are an epidemic in the NHL. Never have I lived it down.

    [Reply]

  • http://bottlechronicles.com jess; [the bottle chronicles]

    well, last night at Matt’s birthday dinner I told my father in law that I always thought “sirloin” steak/bugers/whatever was called that because it came from male loins, like “sir” loins, you know. HAH.

    there was no wine involved, ::sad face::

    yeah, and I can’t count how many other stupid things I’ve said…there’s just too many… that’s the most recent though.

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:13 am

    snort!

    [Reply]

    jess; [the bottle chronicles] Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:39 am

    yep, I’m totally awesome lmfao

    [Reply]

  • http://changingtheuniverse.blogspot.com Nicci

    Once, at a restaurant, my sister played this knock, knock joke on me: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobody. Nobody who.

    …

    She didn’t answer. I asked again “nobody who?” She turned to my mother and started having a conversation. At this point I was extremely mad and shouted (in the middle of the restaurant, mind you) “NOBODY WHO?!” As the words were screaming out of my mouth, I suddenly got the joke.

    So did everyone else at the restaurant.

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:13 am

    bahahahahahaha! i’m gonna use that joke.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.sweetchloelight.blogspot.com Danielle

    I once went on a rant at work about how utterly heinous those inflatable Christmas decorations are, and how I couldn’t imagine how anyone could have so little taste. Then the lady sitting next to me says “Why not?” with a telling glare that totally confirmed that Santa and Rudolph were camping out in her front yard.

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    THAT IS MY LIFE. i always do stuff like that!

    [Reply]

  • http://heatherandwalter.blogspot.com Heather

    Oh God. Do you know how hard that was not to crack up at work right now? I don’t want to get fired over reading blogs on the clock… maybe a little warning next time.

    ;^p

    Loved it.

    [Reply]

  • http://jbclary.blogspot.com Becca

    Haha, this was hilarious. I would probably text you those things too, but only to make myself feel less dumb in that moment. haha.

    I say SO much redic stuff. my hub is constantly teasing me about it. The only one I can think of, and it’s not even that good, is:

    i am an amatuer photographer, and I was e-mailing a new client (hadn’t met her yet) about some of the details for the photoshoot. When talking about what to wear or not to wear, I said, “it’s good to have more than two colors. My hub and I wore matching blue shirts and khaki shorts for our engagements, and let’s just say it’s a little too twinsy for me…” or something. then I wanted to know what she looked like, stalked her on FB, and what? she had pictures of her entire family wearing blue and khaki.

    of course, the one time that I give a specific example (something I had never done before, nor will I do it again) that just happened to be what her entire family had thought was a good idea.

    she didn’t email me back. hopefully the photoshoot is still on….:o)

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:14 am

    oh MAN. see yes, i do stuff like that!

    [Reply]

  • http://singingatastoplight.blogspot.com Molly

    Oh my God, you make me snort. This reminds me of Jessica Simpson on that Newlyweds show asking if Tuna is chicken. Nick’s face was PRICELESS!

    [Reply]

  • http://lishyloo.etsy.com lynxymama @ blogspot

    greatest post ever. mine is actually kind of sad but it’s one of my greatest.

    i was in grad school for library science, my focus was youth services so i was in school with people who had WAY “loftier” goals than to read books to children, if you catch my drift. i never did feel like i fit in with my “peers” at the time, it was like junior high all over again. so, one day in class this guy that i had semi-made friends with turned around to one of “thee” premier girls in the program and said something about getting married, i didn’t hear quite what it was but i took the opportunity to try and show that i was a nice person and not a complete freak and i turn around and say “oh are you getting married? how great!” and they both looked at me totally shocked like i was the HUGEST idiot in the world and the chick said “um no, i am getting divorced.” i guess whatever it was that they guy said was not a glowing review of marriage. WHOOPSIE! i just kept my mouth shut after that.

    [Reply]

  • http://jenifer-amarriedcoupleplusbaby.blogspot.com/ Jenifer

    Ok. Remember when we were all cool Americans and decided to call french fries, freedom fries…I worked at a bank and had this client who was French. He was super cool, I was overly smitten with his accent, you get the picture. I assumed (and you know what happens when you assume things right? you make an a** out of well, just me apparently) I decided to ask him how he felt about freedom fries. The cool frech guy I had always known had now turned into YELLING, SCREAMING, FRENCH GUY. Like he was yelling at me IN FRENCH! My Manager came over after he left and I just simply said “he doesn’t like freedom fries.” Oops.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.yaheesplace.etsy.com Yahee

    When we were planning our wedding I ordered those valentine candies with the sayings on them but they were all wedding related. So it was very late at night when I was reading through them… and I’m using the excuse that I must have been very tired. I see the ones that say “I do” etc… then I come upon one that I don’t understand. I kept repeating it under my breath while my husband watched in stunned silence. It said:

    HONEY
    MOON

    I’m all like “what the hell is honey moon”… and my husband says “Hmm… give me a piece of paper.” He writes down

    MORE
    ON

    Ya… he’s still laughing 4 years later.

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:15 am

    HAHA! i love that! your hub sounds like mine. too funny.

    [Reply]

  • http://daysonthecreek.blogspot.com/ Tennessee Mom

    In the past year, I’ve had some memory problems crop up do to a medical condition, usually resulting in me not being able to remember very simple words.

    One such time, we were out to eat at a respectable restaurant and I was telling a story. I came to the part about a “baseball bat” and my mind went blank. My hands are flailing as I struggle to think of B-A-T. Then I’m breaking into charades, motioning the swinging of a bat, then flapping my arms to indicate a flying-type bat.

    One of the kids at the table finally guesses “Bat?”. BAT!!! I scream and point at him, slumping back in my chair exhausted…and completely forgetting the rest of the story I was telling.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.jackbearandlilypad.com Kathy

    Funniest thing I’ve read in ages. Thank you!!!

    My foot is pretty much always in my mouth. Too many examples to sort through!

    This is defnitely going in my “Favourite Posts” list for whenever I need a chuckle…

    [Reply]

  • Sable

    I’ve been somewhat of a lurker the past couple of weeks, and you are just hilarious and your daughter beyond cute, no words for that.

    But I had wondered the same thing about monkeys a while back and went to youtube to then watch a monkey give birth just so I felt better about it! It was kinda gross so I wouldn’t recommend it LOL

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:16 am

    thanks!

    and yeah, it was hard for me to not go there… :]

    [Reply]

  • Danielle

    a few summers ago, one of my girlfriends & i were hanging out. drinking & playing trivial pursuit. her question “what mammals have 4 knees?” my answer “humans!” haha. i blame in on the alcohol to this day.

    .. the right answer was obviously elephants.

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    elbows are totally like arm knees.

    [Reply]

  • Meg P

    First of all…thank you for the laugh. But I have to say, I am a little curious now as to whether or not monkeys do indeed have periods and may google this myself. (I am ashamed)
    Ok, so when I first read the post, I was thinking to myself that I know I say stupid things on a regular basis, yet a funny anecdote to share was eluding me. Then, two minutes later I’m checking my facebook and tuning into a discussion on dinosaurs. My friend informed me that all dinosaur eggs are approximately the same size, regardless of the size of the dino and I asked, “so do eggs grow?” Ugh. I could take it back because it’s facebook and editable, but it’s been seen so I’ll stand proudly by it. It’s a valid question…for a 5 year old

    [Reply]

    Claire Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Haha, I have to agree with the monkey comment. Now the question has been raised, I’m kinda curious!! I’m guessing the amount of people googling “do monkeys have periods” has now risen dramatically.

    [Reply]

  • http://jennandtonica.com Jenny

    If forced to answer on the spot – like, “We need to turn rightthissecond; which way?” – I confuse right and left probably 90 percent of the time. I need a good 15 seconds to figure it out, pleaseandthankyou.

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    which is why i employ the make-an-L with your fingers thing in those instances.

    [Reply]

    Alena Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    OH MY GOD I do this too! Cody makes fun of me so bad & says he’s going to write L&R on my shoes.

    [Reply]

    Kelly Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    hand signals also good when you are figuring out which bread plate and water glass are your’s on the table. lower case b and d come in handy. ba dum bum. (completely unrelated, but love to share this)

    [Reply]

    Alena Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    I am about to make an IDIOT out of myself.

    But I don’t get it.

    Sheelah Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    I don’t get it either :(

    Sara Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    OMG. I totally do the make an L with your left hand and the b and d. So glad I’m not the only one. :-)

    Jill Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    after 6 mins of staring at my hands i now understand the b and d thing. make a “thumbs up” and you’ll understand too :)

    p.s. i totally do the L thing, except sometimes that doesn’t even help. i’m all, “they’re both Ls….which is the correct L?”

    dumbass party of one.

    alissa Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    lower case b for bread plate? and d for? drink?? who knows.

  • Jenna

    I was in the car with the hubs and we stopped at a gas station to get something to drink. (This is back when Pepsi had the music promotion going on and on the commercials you would open the top and it would start playing music.). So he gets a Pepsi and opened it up. I looked at him in all seriousness and said “So, I guess you didn’t win because there was no music.” He looked at me like I was crazy. I’m all like what, it’s supposed to play music when you win. Yeah – still don’t live that down by him or his family whom he told.

    [Reply]

  • http://pigletmommy.tumblr.com/ Keri

    When my mother was teaching me about sex I asked her in front of my father and brother. “Mommy when you die do you boobs deflate?” (install my brothers deflating razz and flopping boob action here.) I was convinced that boobs were actually filled with air like in the cartoons.

    [Reply]

  • http://andpuppydogstales.blogspot.com Lisa

    I say a lot of dumb stuff but it would be more fun to tell you about something stupid an ex-BF’s mom once said. They were driving in Texas near a town called “Fort Wood.” She saw the sign for the town and started talking about whether they should stop and get some wood for the kids’ backyard fort. She was 100% serious.

    [Reply]

  • http://andpuppydogstales.blogspot.com Lisa

    and this may be the stupidest thing I’ve said today, but I’m pretty sure that’s a baby ape, not a baby monkey.

    [Reply]

  • Elisa

    I once dated a baseball player who was a left handed pitcher.

    EVERYONE refered to him as a SOUTHPAW. I stupidly kept telling people he WAS NOT from the South! He was from Missouri!

    And finally finally finally someone had the decency to tell me that Southpaw meant lefthanded.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.SkyWaitress.com Skywaitress

    Yep, I had to go and YouTube monkey giving birth. I’ve seen human babies born but the monkeys giving birth? Made me gag. Thanks.

    [Reply]

  • Jenn

    One of my best friends growing up was eating steak once and said “Hey this bone is shaped like a T”.

    They were eating T-Bone Steak.

    10 years later and we still give her a hard time about it.

    [Reply]

    Meg P Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    That’s great! I shared it with my hubby and we both got a chuckle…definitely a lifelong between friends joke :)

    [Reply]

  • http://destinedtobedomestic.blogspot.com Dana

    I can TOTALLY relate to this post. I constantly say things that are horribly wrong. Probably on a weekly basis.

    Case in point:
    In Hawaii (at least in Waikiki area) there are lots of tall buildings, so they need big fire trucks (right?).

    Anways…one day we’re in downtown Honolulu and I notice that there is a firefighter sitting on the back of a fire truck, and he is sitting right behind a steering wheel.

    I, being the complete idiot that I am, turn to my husband and ask, “OMG, is he driving the fire truck from the BACK?!”

    It was a legit question, right? I mean those trucks are just so damn long…maybe they back end needed someone to steer it just like the front?

    [Reply]

    alissa Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    lol wait…that is exactly what hes doing. ladder trucks have a driver on the back to help steer around corners. my dad is a fireman. and i live in hawaii actually :]

    [Reply]

  • http://verdemama.com verdemama

    Totally hilarious! Luckily for me, I have an auto-forget function that allows me to erase my own embarrassing moments from my memory. :)

    [Reply]

  • http://www.lilmuselily.com Claudia Guerreiro

    I can’t remember a story right now because you have me laughing so hard i can’t even think right now.
    That was the best laugh i’ve had all day.
    Thank you!!!!
    Claudia

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mom-nom.com Tiffany

    There is no way I could tell you ALL the completely mindless things I have said over the years. But trust me, you’re not alone.

    I can, however, answer a few questions- since ya know, I work in a Zoo and all…

    Yes, lizards lay eggs.
    Yes, monkeys give birth.
    Oh yes, and my favorite… YES, monkeys have legs. (I know, everyone was wondering.)

    [Reply]

  • Kristin

    Hi! I just started reading your blog and I love it! You have such a funny and charming style! (writing and fashion :) ) I have a one year old daughter Maeve, and I love seeing the wonderful things she’ll be doing when she is Harper’s age. By the way, Harper is super, super adorable!

    Write on!

    Also, I thought it was “wind shield factor” instead of “wind chill factor” until I was 23.

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    thanks for the sweet words!

    and i love that. reminds me of how when i was little and at commercials they said “brought to you by” i thought it was all one special word, “brocktayoubye”.

    LOL

    [Reply]

    Jill Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    i am freaking awful with song lyrics. i don’t take the time to figure out what the singer is actually saying, instead i sing what it sounds like. a few weeks ago i was in the car with my husband. i started singing along with a song on the radio….”mystic shows in me.” my husband was all, “what the hell did you just say? the lyric is ‘mr. jones and me’…you know, the NAME of the song.”

    also, up until last name i thought the line is grease “a hickey from kenickie is like a hallmark card” was “a hickey from kenickie is like haumack clock.” not sure what i thought a haumack clock was.

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  • http://www.bebehblog.com Suzanne

    I used to insist that the word “matte” as in “not shiny” was pronounced “matt-ay”. Because it was, like, French or something. And I took French for 4 years pre-college and then 3 years at college so CLEARLY I knew what I was talking about. My then-boyfriend and still-best friend made fun of me for MONTHS.

    Also, until approximately two months ago I thought the thing that played music in bars was called a jutebox. Seriously, who knew it was jukebox? WHO?????

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    um, i did. :]

    however i DID used to say matt-ay also.

    [Reply]

  • Susan

    We get monthly birthday cakes at work. Last month it was football themed cake that looked like a field. Since i know nothing about sports.. i saw the 20 10 on the side and thought they were writing the year.. I was going on and on about the dumb bakery and WHY they would just randomly put 2010 on the cake and how it wasn’t relevent when someone pointed out to me that those were the yards… not the year 2010. Yep. I was the ANGRY going off about how STOOOPID the bakery is chick.

    [Reply]

  • M

    In one of my courses, we read Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal and our assignment was to come up with some crazy, unethical idea to solve a problem. What my teacher was thinking giving us that assignment, I may never know. Anyway, a friend of mine decided to solve overpopulation and boost the world’s IQ by dividing up the smart and not-so-smart, sending the not-so-smart to Australia, and sending a pack of suicide bombers to Australia to get rid of them.

    So while the entire class is discussing how this is obviously a flawed planned for many reasons, I raise my freaking hand and say this:

    “Okay, I just have one question. Do the suicide bombers get to live?”

    And as the words came out, I wished I could suck them back in. I have never lived it down.

    [Reply]

    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    omg. i love it.

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  • http://corrinrenee.com corrin

    When my husband and I were dating, we took a trip to Mammoth Cave. He signed us up for a lantern tour at 3 o’clock and I was all “LANTERNS? At 3 o’clock? WTF dude! It’s NOWHERE near dark at 3 o’clock!”

    Yeah. When you’re in a cave, it’s kinda always dark.

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    mandy Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    bahahahahahaha! AWESOME.

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  • http://www.rockerbyebaby.com RockerByeBaby

    I will never live this down… im from a small town with fresh air and clean water… then we moved to big city MInneapolis, MN … one night after a twins game we left with out two friends… my hubby, and my 2 kids in a total (tycoon) like downpour of rain… I was running running with one kid in a sling and holding the hand of another while daddy had the other… saying hurry hurry! Dont splash in the puddles its gross “city rain”! They literally STOPPED in their tracks to hysterically laugh at me… apparently city rain is ridiculous… to this day they still make fun of me for it… and to this day i STILL try to justify that “city rain” is gross… lol

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    Lilli Reply:
    June 4th, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    In Charleston, city rain is gross and you never want to get caught in it. We have acid rain from the plethora of chemical plants that will make your skin slimy and stink like standing pond water.

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  • http://www.lindseyivory.blogspot.com Lindsey

    I just like to say really obvious things like ‘the ice is in the freezer’. My family and friends are really lucky that I can help them out with things like that :)

    But I will share with you something my mom asked me the other day (she is a smart lady…I swear). We were talking about how breastfeeding was going to go, and she asked me if I needed to drink more milk to make milk. I mean…she really wanted to know if I would need to digest cows milk in order to produce milk on my own. Gotta love that one ;) I like to make fun of her for it at least once a day!

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  • http://bringingupbaby.tumblr.com Jess @ Bringing Up Baby

    Since you could easily list the dumb things you’ve said, I suspect you don’t truly love the taste of your own foot enough.

    I have said or done so many dumb, inappropriate, and/or ridiculous things that I couldn’t even begin to catalog them.

    Plus, like all life’s trauma’s, I’ve chosen to simply and conveniently mentally block out many of faux pas. It’s the only way a dumbass like me can survive.

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  • Jeanne

    We might be related.
    When we were in high school and people were wearing a lot of designer things, we used to make snide comments about how lame it was that they were wearing clothes with someone else’s name. Fast forward several years and I was chatting with some people after an event, most of whom I had just met that day. I joked that one of the guys had on a tie with “someone else’s name on it.” Turns out it said “World’s Greatest Dad.”

    The first time my (now) husband and I went to a coin laundry when we were dating there was a sign that said “No Dyeing” and I thought it was a joke. I said “how would they enforce that, you’d be dead?” Bless his heart, the guy didn’t run when he should have, so he really shares part of the blame.

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  • http://Www.elletheheiress.com Lilli

    Just asked hubsy what some of my dumbest comments are and he said, “I don’t know, are you trying to fill a blog?” Yeah, I have a lot too.

    Like the time I asked how his parents crop farm could be considered a farm if it didn’t have any animals on it.

    Or the time I voiced my opinion about garbage men making a lot of money for only working one day a week. It really had never occured to me that they work in different neighborhoods on the other days.

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  • amanda Smith

    I wish this was my story and she’d probably shoot me if she found out I was telling it, but who cares, right?

    My mom. Gotta love her.

    I’m from very south Texas. SPI. I got married in 2008 in July. During the week before, we were WAY busy. Every one had a job and no one turned on the TV or radio or anything. After my new husband and I take off on our tiny little honeymoon to San Antonio, my mom went to buy herself a new car and some hair spray. Yes. Hair spray. She has big hair. Well, she bought herself a BMW as a YAY ME for pulling off my wedding. On her drive home, she stopped by HEB (grocery store) to buy this expensive hair spray because she has to have perfect big hair. Well, she noticed everyone was buying bottled water and bread and canned food…. hmm.. Well, on her way home she gets a call from the BMW people to go back and sign something or whatever. While she’s there, the salesman asks her what she thinks of this hurricane. HURRICANE.

    So, her supplies for that HURRICANE were her new BMW and hair spray.

    Go, Mom.

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  • Mary

    My girlfriends and I were talking about college one night. I was talking about this philosophy class I was taking at the time. I swore up down and across that the person who taught the class was a (I’ll spell it how I said it) Phil-os-o-fic-er.

    There may have been alcohol involved, but I swore that was what he was.

    To this day, I can’t say the appropriate name correctly.

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  • http://mariluh.com Mariluh

    Ok.

    I have MANY of those moments, but the one that comes to mind most clearly right now happened almost two months ago.

    My husband and I were on a mini-vacation. As we were walking through Old San Juan, my husband is looking at Google Maps on his iPhone trying to locate a restaurant.

    I look at his phone and ask if I can help him. He looks at the screen, looks at me, and says “I really can’t figure out where we are!”

    I… *sigh* take his iPhone and point at the little pin mark on the screen and say “We’re right here!”.

    Yes… Aren’t you proud of me?!

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  • Claire

    This post and all the comments have seriously made my evening a lot better.

    I went to Egypt on holiday with my family a few years back and asked “Can you get sunburnt at night?”. I actually really wanted to know the answer – if the sunlight reflects off of the moon, then you obviously should be able to. Obviously, I was completely wrong. Facepalm!

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  • http://www.parentinginprogress.wordpress.com mae

    Hey Mandy, whatcha call that thing in the bar that the prenancy tests come out of? And the snacks? Whatcha call babe?

    Oh yeah. VENDING MACHINE.

    I love you.

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  • Pleadshirt (Sarah)

    A couple years back in high school my friends and I were talking about cars (not my topic of expertise by any means) and someone mentioned my mom’s SUV. I, in my infinite wisdom and desperate need to be right, told them that “she doesn’t drive an SUV, it’s more like a sports utility vehicle.”

    -silence-

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  • http://ourlittlesliceofarmylife.blogspot.com Jessa

    I say something stupid at least once a day. My husband enjoys torturing me about it.

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  • http://www.parentinginprogress.wordpress.com mae

    I just asked you on Twitter if Narwhals are real. And I wasn’t kidding.

    How’s that?

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  • http://www.mrsandmister.com Sara

    I say stupid things too many times to recount. You are not alone, and I count myself in good company.

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  • http://amomwriting.blogspot.com Erin

    you’re hilarious. nothing more to say!

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  • http://www.pigtailsandanchors.wordpress.com Brooke

    i LOOOVE your blog. it is so amazing. I am very inspired and adding your button to my blog :)

    http://www.pigtailsandanchors.wordpress.com

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  • http://lostandholdinghands.blogspot.com/ Emily

    Here’s a good one. My little sister is brilliant and could totally school us all in aeronautical engineering, but she is so dumb sometimes! Before she went off to college she asked my mom 2 questions: 1. How do you bake a baked potato? 2. How do you toast toast on both side? We had to give her a crash course on Life 101 before letting her leave the nest. I’m sure you’re not that dumb & I hope this makes you feel a little better!

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  • Maureen

    back when I was dating this guy, we were watching a hockey game. They kept talking about this one player, his name: Paul Kariya (pronounced like the country, as in Korea) I keep going on and on about how stupid his last name is “Who has a last name that is the same as a country?!” the guy, turns to me, puts his hand out to shaker my hand and says “Hi, Greg Poland, nice to meet you”.

    yeah, I forgot that his last name was Poland. and now its my last name too :)

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  • http://www.ajdplusthree.com Anne @ A JD + Three

    LOL. I have always wondered if a monkey has legs and am so happy I am not the only one ;)

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  • Liz_e34

    I once got into a huge argument with my husband about a movie. I was CERTAIN we saw it together. So certain in fact that I got out of bed to google when the movie came out so I could prove him wrong.

    As it turns out…the movie came out about 3 years before we even met.

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  • http://www.beingpeachy.com ThePeachy1

    Uhm … I require to have you as a friend. Because as my IQ dwindles I find the need to surround myself with people who make me feel awesome about myself. Plus your funny so yeah we can totally get drunk in NOLA. meet me there. I will be the one dancing on the bar. or falling off the bar.. depending on how soon you get there.

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  • Jodie

    Some funny stuff. I am so happy I stumbled across your blog and such! You make me laugh on the daily – for reals! So of course I can’t remember a single for instance for myself (of which there are a plethora!) but I have 2 that I enjoy holding over the heads of a good friend and my momma.

    Friend: We were out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and she turned to her boyfriend (now hubs) and asked when Cinco de Mayo was. Funny, because a) she took 3 years of Spanish and b) we live in So Cal and e’rybody here speaks at least that much Spanish. We like to remind her of this by asking her when Cinco de Mayo is every Cinco de Mayo – she hates us.

    Momma: When my brothers & I were younger my mother was quite upset that we had not begun our chores so she was giving us what for and proceeded to yell, “Don’t just stand there sitting on your butts.” Um, huh? Impossible. Did I mention I have 4 brothers? I’m sure that had something to do with it.

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  • http://whimsyvalentine.wordpress.com Brooke

    I had the perfect story to share here… a total knee-slapper…

    but I forgot what it was.

    So I’m dumb and forgetful.

    *le sigh*

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  • http://www.brookevangorydesigns.etsy.com Brooke Heavey

    I worked at some dumb job once, and a customer called to order something. I was making casual chit-chat about nothing really important, and the customer informed me that he had the following Monday off, because it was a holiday (in Canada, apparently, where he lived and worked). So of course, I asked what the holiday was. He replied “It is our election day!” TO which my dumb ass quickly responded “Oh! So you guys have a president and stuff, and they let you vote?”
    I rock at stupid.

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  • http://mieletlait.com Miel Abeille

    Fellow Pearista just hopping by to say hi! So happy that I found your blog — I will be returning!

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  • Kathy S.

    A few months ago, I was chatting with a good friend who was about 4 months preg at the time and she mentioned that she was starting to feel the short of breath symptom. Having been there & done that (and Googled it when I was preg), I explained to her that the uterus was growing, requiring more blood for her heart and lungs to filter causing her to breathe more then normal…”kinda like an obese person who’s blood has farther to travel”. She’s 7 months preg now and we still joke about it…but God, that didn’t come out right!

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  • http://kmcclelland.wordpress.com/ Kirsten

    I am sitting at my computer laughing right now…thank you for making my night! I want to be a typhoon with you and the monkey belly button person.

    Luckily most of the dumb things I say are in front of third graders who don’t know the difference. :) I just play it cool and no one knows the difference.

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  • http://kristimaristi.com Kristi Maristi

    So, my husband, Mercer tries to fool me often. He does a really good job of it because I doubt myself so often that if someone tells me I’m wrong I will either lose my shit defending myself til im purple in the face or doubt myself so much that I automatically believe whatever someone says to be true.

    Next to one of our Malls here there is a huge open field with just tons and tons of all different sized rocks in it. as we were leaving the mall one day I stated the obvious like I like to do,

    Me: “wow, that’s a lot of rocks”
    Husband: “Silly, that’s a rock farm, they grow rocks there and then distribute them to buyers, like landscape companies.”
    Me: “ohhh, neat. I’ve never seen a rock farm before.”

    For weeks and weeks he let me go on thinking that rock farms exist. I’ve thought back on this many times. I swear to Hello Kitty that I am not that dumb. seriously, fucking rock farms? So dumb.

    another great one is that black cars have to have stronger air conditioners in them because they retain more heat, ya know cause they’re black. Ate that one up too.

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  • Bisoubird

    I love you for this blog entry… I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. It so sounds like something I would do…both the typhoon/tycoon and the monkey eggs. I have a laundry list of dumb things I’ve said or done. One that comes to mind is this…

    We were staying out at the lake house and it’s away from the city so you can see the stars really well at night. We were driving to dinner one night and I was looking out the sunroof and said to my husband, “wow, the sky is really black tonight… you can’t see any stars.” He looked at me like I was crazy and then notified me that the sunroof was closed.

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  • http://kikisescapades.blogspot.com Kiki_Dawn

    I don’t know of any stories of my own (there are many I’m sure), but I do have one of a friend of a friend.

    She was walking in her flip-flops & heard them “flipping” & “flopping.” Then said, “Oh, I get why they call them flip-flops now!!”
    Kiki_Dawn´s last [type] ..Hi World!

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  • Megan

     One of my good friends recently asked me if dragons were real animals.

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  • Jessica

    You should ask Rory about my ”two halves”. Seriously…because Ive got a theory and dammit Im going to prove it. Two halves. HALVES! Two of them… 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/mkonzen Mira Konzen

    a few yrs ago, I was pointing out a youngin in very tight pants and long hair. couldn’t tell if it was a she or he. my smarty pants friend so assertively informed me that ”They call that EMU – ugh” (insert serious eye rolling here).Nuff said – I still laugh

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  • http://www.dearcarter.com Diana

    omgsh! why have i never read this post?! hilarrrrious! we all have those moments… like when i was talking on my cell phone in the dark, said “hold on,” turned on my phone’s backlight and looked all over the room for my cell phone… which was in my hand. haha! anyhoo, loved it. :)

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