an open letter to Target.

Posted on | June 16, 2010 | 41 Comments

dear target,

i’ve been meaning to write you this letter for years. if it hasn’t been apparent by my weekly bi-weekly trips to visit, i have quite the crush on you. there was a time in my life when i didn’t embrace you, but target, i was oh so wrong back then. you are the only store for me.

when i was 15 you were my first job. you were called target ‘greatland’ and i thought that was cheesy. but now? i see the error of my ways. you have long since dropped the greatland, but target? you are the GREATLAND. the land of shampoo, scarves, pillowcases and things that cost a dollar that i don’t need, but somehow always end up buying. i was embarrassed to be seen wearing a red top and khaki pants, an ensemble you have basically ruined for anyone for all time (not that it’s the most flattering of combos anyway). i carried my walkie talkie, wore my name tag and answered the call to come and check people out when it got busy. i didn’t appreciate you at the time. i was ashamed to answer to ‘target team member’.

i even called you tar-jay in hopes to fancy up your name a bit. fail.

you’ve changed a lot since those days, target. you got hip, you got fancy, you got cute clothes at prices i can afford. you have commercials that get stuck in my head (a little bit more, a little bit more) and your little affairs with amazing designers every few months? genius. you put food into your aisles at good prices so now i can pick up mac and cheese and coffee for cheap whilst i buy a cartload of stuff i did not intend to buy.

i’m not positive what exactly you pump through your air vents (crack cocaine? paint fumes? horse tranquilizers?), but i can’t quit you, target. i will scream my love for you from the rooftops forever (and hide my receipts well), wearing a mossimo dress. if i am sad, you are there for me. mad, bored, happy? i can count on you to show me something i didn’t even know i needed. my only complaint target? you need to have your registers looked at. none of them seem to accept less than 100 dollars, and i’m positive this is a technical problem on your end and not my inability to say no to wicker storage baskets and headbands with flowers on them.

my husband is a bit jealous of our relationship. i have to hide the amount of time we spend together, because he gets that look on his face when i say we need diapers. he knows full well that means we’re getting new summer tumblers and a liberty of london piggy bank. and he only believes me half the time when i say quickly “it was on clearance”.

target? never leave me. i could never, ever, EVER live without you.

all my red and khaki love,

mandy

Category: certifiable, sillyness, the haps

Comments

  • Karen

    haha this is the best! I could’ve written that word for word! You’re too funny! :-)

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  • http://charminglychandler.com/ Alena

    Um, Sophia has every.single.one of their girlie piggie banks. Target really knows my bank weakness. I agree, I go in there and leave with oh so much stuff. Like many many many little pails for….ummmm…cotton balls? q-tips? pencils? I don’t know, it didn’t matter they were only a dollar.
    Alena´s last [type] ..So many words…what a way to start the week!!

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  • http://www.raisingmadison.com Joanna

    hahahaha this letter slays me.

    Madison is CONVENIENTLY on Up & Up brand formula… see how carefully I planned that? I HAVE to go to Target at least once every 2 weeks. Sure, I could stock up… but why? Why take up that space in the pantry?
    Joanna´s last [type] ..Nominations have been extended to July 6th

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  • http://bringingupbaby.tumblr.com Jess @ Bringing Up Baby

    I am SO JEALOUS you got a job there. Not only was I totally rejected from an in-store position when I was in high school (they “weren’t hiring”…whatever), but I have also been rejected from every corporate position I have ever applied for (target is headquartered in Mpls.).

    Wow…that doesn’t make me sound very good, does it?

    ANYWAY, Target is my Mecca. I have religious experiences there. I’ve been preaching about its wonders for years.

    Oh, also, I don’t believe I’ve ever told the 100% truth about how much money I spend every single time I go there.

    Too bad The Husband checks my bank account…
    Jess @ Bringing Up Baby´s last [type] ..Glad to hear that it’s going to work out to postpone the baptism. It sounds like the meaning of baptism for you and TH is to welcome the baby into your family and to recognize that he is blessed by God. If you thought that the baptism was necessary to wash away original sin, that would be a reason to do it earlier. (Personally, I agree with you that original sin isn’t an issue.) Even though you are postponing the baptism, giving you and the baby a little time to recover, I would still suggest asking for help from family in terms of throwing the party. Again, if the meaning has something to do with the whole support network welcoming the baby, it would make sense for your family to help throw the party.

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  • http://bringingupbaby.tumblr.com Jess @ Bringing Up Baby

    ugh…sorry for the obnoxious “previous blog” text. I hit submit without realizing that THE ENTIRE QUESTION I was asked in my last blog post was going to be copied here…

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  • http://www.adventuroo.com Melissa @adventuroo

    This is EXACTLY what I would have said to Target if I were clever enough to write it!

    There are still some T Greatlands in existence though! When we lived in AZ a couple of years ago, they still had one. It has more merchandise just no groceries.

    I was the major of Target on FourSquare for a while. That’s gotta count for something… like 10% off!?
    Melissa @adventuroo´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday: That Ain’t No Bull

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  • http://www.likemybaby.blogspot.com Wendy

    Right on the money! Hilarious!
    But what I find so fan-freakin-tabulous about Target is that I can get a Starbucks latte and a bag of freshly popped popcorn, pretzel, or pizza while I
    shop!!

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  • http://theserohrdevines.blogspot.com melissa d.

    hilarious!
    melissa d.´s last [type] ..winner winner, school winner!

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  • http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

    Cannot walk out of there for under $100…more like $200 most times. I’m sick, sick I tell ya!
    Amber´s last [type] ..Imma Diva, Imma Imma Imma Diva

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  • Katherine Bender

    This was the best.post.ever!!!!!! I am also a devout Target lover! Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I love your blog. Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous!

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  • http://mommyisrocknroll.com Lauren

    I buy my groceries at Target because it feels fancier than shopping at a regular grocery store. And, STARBUCKS! Super Target has everything I’ll ever need and if Target doesn’t have it I don’t need it. When I don’t know what to do with Avery I take her to Target and we look at, well, everything.

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  • Sarah L.

    My husband gets that look too when I say we need diapers. He always complains but once we get in there, he’s all “oh yeah, we need this…and this…”
    I do love their women’s clothes (only there will I pay full price) and I love the Circo baby separates. Only $4? We need every style, in every color!
    Thanks for writing this…it made me smile. And I’d better go check, because I think we might be low on diapers… :)

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  • http://Minimalmom.blogspot.com Cambria

    Just moved to the Minneapolis area where Target is based… Super Target on every corner! Literally.

    Organic produce, diapers and a new shirt all under one roof! I heart Super Target. I don’t need to go anywhere else.

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  • Rebekah

    Ditto everything! Target is the place to be (and there’s one only 3 minutes from my house).

    After my daughter was born, we started going to Target every other weekend for diapers, formula, etc. and my husband used to HATE it (can you imagine?). But whatever it is that they pipe in has overcome him and now he gets upset if I go to Target without him… Although, he generally doesn’t get quite as overcome as I do by the need for stuff…

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  • http://bottlechronicles.com jess; [the bottle chronicles]

    I wish we had a Target! But this describes my relationship with Walmart.
    jess; [the bottle chronicles]´s last [type] ..21; oh what fun

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  • http://jessesco.blogspot.com Jess@Straight Talk

    Luckily the Target near my house is a small crap one and not an awesome sauce Super Target. Or I’d be in lotsa trouble I tell you. I LOVE that place and live for those orange clearance stickers :) And Ava’s wardrobe: Tar-jay.
    Jess@Straight Talk´s last [type] ..Dear Snakes, You’re NOT my favorite.

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  • http://www.lifeintheha.com Ali

    I so love Target, too…and it was one of my first jobs as well! Blue lines, that was my department. Oh, and they put me out in Seasonal quite frequently. Sigh. I just spent a small fortune there yesterday myself…went in for baby food, came out with baby food, lots of wine, Oxy Clean and a super cute summer bag. ;)
    Ali´s last [type] ..Summer in the Ha

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  • Laura

    zomg…I’m crying I’m laughing so hard! Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

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  • http://mungeeandme.blogspot.com Mungee’s Ma

    I do <3 that liberty of london collection. I just have nowhere to put it. Could I move DH's office related stuff off his desk and make it my new display case? Perhaps …

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  • http://365daysofbeing30andamommy.blogspot.com/ metta1313

    If you signed my name to this…sans the part about working there…I could have written the same note. After day 2 of staying home w/the babe b/c she’s sick, once the hubs got home I told him I was heading out the door to Target…and yes…2nd time this week. I just needed wipes, but really, I went and got a soy chai from starbucks, purchased swim diapers, a moby wrap, some children’s fever medicine, and finally broke down to try some prezel m&m’s (and made sure to tweet a pic to @emmie_bee…true story). Target has become my oasis. The hubs jokes that they must know me by first name. I heart Target!
    metta1313´s last [type] ..Day 167: Father’s Day part 1…The Past

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  • http://singingatastoplight.blogspot.com Molly

    Target is my happy place. I wonder if it’s all the strategically placed red stuff? Or wait, isn’t the color red supposed to make you mad? Or is it hungry?

    I even started taking a list to Target and that didn’t work to save my budget. Their stuff is just too cute. I honestly think the company is run by the smartest marketing people alive.
    Molly´s last [type] ..Mama Bird

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  • http://thechroniclesofcorbin.blogspot.com/ Jill

    why hello from a fellow target team member! i was a bit older when i worked there though [18-19] and LOVED it! hello DISCOUNT and those sales of crap upstairs in the break room on MAJOR CLEARANCE! i still have my lime green boom box that i bought for six dollars! i also used to hide stuff around the store that i wanted but couldnt afford to buy until payday! like the very last too cute tank in my size that i know i can not live without…let me just shove it back behind this stack of mens jeans and no one will ever find it!
    Jill´s last [type] ..i am rambo!

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  • jenifer

    Ian and I visit just about every other day after work and daycare. We walk around. Pick up chocolate milk. Shop. It’s air conditioned. And we just got a Super Target with groceries last month! Oh the joy.

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  • http://toniandryan.blogspot.com Toni

    Great post! Every time I go to Target, I get “the talk” from my husband. “Just get what you need – don’t spend too much”. Yea – my last trip was $285 of things “I needed”. I also conveniently use my son as an excuse because he wears Target diapers. Which, come to think of it, we need to restock soon!

    I only wish I had one closer to me – it’s about 20 minutes away.
    Toni´s last [type] ..Memorial Day

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  • http://mymommadrama.com Momma Drama

    Too funny! I myself just discovered Target – it’s way better than Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart, doe anyone ever go there anymore? I love Target and go almost every day on my lunch break :( I need to get off the Target-crack…
    Momma Drama´s last [type] ..Corn on the Cob Anyone?

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  • Christina

    My husband never believes me when I say it’s on clearance either. I actually look forward to running out of diapers so I can make a trip to Target. Love that store! Your post made me laugh!

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  • http://hialissa.com alissa

    we’ve only gotten a target on oahu in the past year so my target love is new but boy is it strong. and guess what? within the next year a new target is going to open IN MY LITTLE TOWN! no more freeway drives to get there! my bank account is going to be pissed.

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  • http://jeffandkarey.blogspot.com Karey

    I was sort of thinking the same thing as I was strolling through the isles of Target just last night at about 10:48 pm. Oh how I wish they didn’t close at 11. I was “escaping from life”, er, I mean “enjoying a quiet hour and a half away.”

    I’m 10 1/2 weeks off Walmart. I got tired of feeling like punching someone in the face for no good reason… pretty much just hated being there, so I quit cold turkey and Target is my BESTIE now. I heart that freakin’ store!
    Karey´s last [type] ..Raising Boys (I should have taken a class)

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  • http://www.bebehblog.com Suzanne

    Target was also my first job at 15. That was such a ridiculously long time ago. Do you remember when the slogan was “I can do that!” and when someone asked you to help you had to say “I can do that!” – not “Sure” or “Ok” or “No problem. “I can do that!”

    I actually worked for them on and off until I was 23 and STILL said “I can do that!” to everything, even long after anyone remember WTF I was talking about.

    Also, my mom got me that job because she was working there. She STILL works there. They gave her a clock at 10 years. I think she’s hoping for a pen at 15. Family discount FTW!!
    Suzanne´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday: Peanut Butter Edition

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  • http://www.smonkyou.com kenny

    hmmm……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
    kenny´s last [type] ..Miloh moves on to solid food

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  • http://misstricky.net Miss Tricky

    Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES!

    You can understand my pain at moving to a country that doesn’t have Target.

    Everyday is hard.
    Miss Tricky´s last [type] ..Thank jeebus he’s still young and dumb…

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  • http://keytomytart.blogspot.com Jessica

    umm this is my favorite post you’ve ever written… besides the ones with all the presh pics of Harper of course..
    Jessica´s last [type] ..Embroidery and Mysterious Things

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  • http://www.mrsandmister.com Sara

    Target is the happiest place on Earth. The End.
    Sara´s last [type] ..Mmm… Meatballs!

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  • erin c.

    great letter! being canadian and not having a target around kind of sucks. whenever i travel in the states it’s on my to-do list. i grew up in a border city and we’d cross the bridge almost every weekend to go shopping. when the target went up it was great! do they still sell their salty pretzels at the snack bar? mmm.

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  • http://talesofalibrarylady.blogspot.com Karen

    There is nothing better than an afternoon (who am I kidding, morning and evening too) trip to Target to fill up my shopping cart with lots of oh-so-adorable non-necessities. I heart Target!
    Karen´s last [type] ..Then and Now

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  • http://www.bugaliciousness.com Julie Lightsey

    Oh I am so so happy to know that I am in good company with my Target addiction! My son takes Karate right next to a Target, so 3 times a week I have an hour to kill, and where do I end up? Wandering the blissfully air-conditioned aisles of Target…and did I mention this Target has a Starbucks inside, conveniently located right at the entrance to the store? So while I wander and fill my basket with more clothes my little bug doesn’t need and more cosmetics/hair products/shoes/clothes/purses that I don’t need, I can also sip a $5 frozen coffee beverage.
    Julie Lightsey´s last [type] ..Gadgetliciousness

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  • http://newthingsformom.blogspot.com/2010/06/we-have-been-battling-potty-training.html Michelle B

    I think we have a target greatland. We used to have a plain jane target. The one we have now is bigger and it has a decent grocery dept. It’s not a super target.
    I love their deals on diapers. When I use coupons, i can get a pkg of hugges for about $4.
    Michelle B´s last [type] ..The Gruffalo: A book review

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  • http://prettyswellblog.com Suzanne

    LOVE this! Missed your posts! Catching up as fast as I can …

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  • http://www.thislifeofours.net/thishappyhome/ Tricia

    Another Target lover!! As we were preparing to move here (Hawaii), I learned that there were no Targets in this state. Oh how sad I was! When I took the kids home for Christmas, we went to Target every day. Sometimes twice a day. LOL 17 months to the day we moved here, my happiness returned when TWO Targets were opened. So love that place.

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  • http://www.2whiskerbiscuits.blogspot.com Biscuit

    I've got to stop reading now….we share a brain. Tar-jay is my not-so-secret lover and i shit you not, i have stock in them. Momma always said, "put your stock in something YOU LOVE." Bang. Done.

    The part about their registers not being able to accept under $100, genius.

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  • http://www.wrenchsetkit.com Caleb Green

    the storage baskets that i use is made up of 100% recyclable material’,~

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