how am i going to do this?

Posted on | July 29, 2010 | 43 Comments

ok. this isn’t another blogher post. i mean, not in the way that it’s about blogher. but it is about me leaving for blogher. we’ve covered the fact that i’m afraid of flying. we’ve covered the fact that i’m nervous to meet people. but the thing i just can’t fathom doing? the thing that makes my stomach lurch and my mouth water (you know how right before you throw up you get all saliva-y? THAT) is leaving my little monster.

every saturday we drop Harper off at my moms house in the evening and pick her up the next day. this is easy for me. we’ve been doing it for so long that it’s not hard for me anymore. i still think of my nugget, miss her and get super excited to pick her up, but it’s not hard. she is never further than 10 minutes away. thinking of being on the other side of the country for 6 days without her? is hard. the thought of it makes my heart hurt in a way i can’t explain.

the most obvious fact of me being a stay at home mom is that i am with H all. the. time. even though when Scot gets home we share the parenting responsibilities equally, i am with her 24/6 (’cause you know, that time at GG’s). she is my nugget, my best buddy, my right hand gal. i know her better than anybody and it’s safe to say if she could talk, she’d be able to telly you things about me even Scot doesn’t know (like how i sometimes steal morningstar chicken nuggets off her plate if she isn’t going to eat them). i have no problem saying that being Harper’s mom defines me. i am many other things, but her mom? is my thing. i love it more than anything and it’s been 20 months and counting that i really haven’t been anything else. i’m not sure i know how to go to the big city and not be her mom (obviously i will still be her mom, but you get me. at least i hope). will i be ok without her taking up room in my arms, without kissing her fat cheeks each night, without talking in my mom voice all day? will i be ok gallivanting around with my hair done, make up on and no sign of mushed crackers on any article of my clothing? will i be ok not having a single sippy cup, pack of wipes or binky on my person at all times?

will i be ok?

it goes without saying that she will be fine. she may not really even understand i’m gone. maybe she will, but most likely she won’t. she will be having so much fun with her daddy, and her grandmas, that she may not even notice her mommy is MIA. i’m not worried about her. i’m worried how i am going to kiss her goodbye, walk to the plane and voluntarily fly away from her and Scot.

as the day gets closer (hello, ONE week), i find myself getting worse and worse. tearing up, feeling sick to my tummy – please tell me this is normal? at least normal for a first time mom leaving her first born for the first time ever? i asked Harper and she was helpful, but i need reassurance from people who don’t poop in their pants.

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Category: BLOGHER, certifiable, confessions, family, feelin' blue, firsts, grandparents, nugget, the haps

Comments

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/momnom momnom

    Oh.my.gawd. that picture.

    I can't lie to you and say it will be easy, but once you are there you will be surprised at how much you are enjoying yourself and how good it feels to just have fun and worry about y.o.u.

    And, you'll be even more surprised by how fast it flies by. Call the Haps at night and enjoy your mommy-time.

    And have fun for me! Cause I'll be at Bubbette's birthday party praying to the Blogher Gods that it doesn't fall at the same time next year.

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  • http://www.yaheesplace.etsy.com Yahee

    Ok, so… I'm a WAHM now, but when Chicken was 11 months old I went back to work. I cried all the way to work, during every lunch hour, and all the way home until I saw him and he didn't even miss me and then I'd wait ill my mom left to cry again….. for like a month. You're normal.

    PS: still take a package of wipes. Those things are invaluable.

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    you're right, they are good in any sitch. :]

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennabee13 Mrs. Jenna

    You will be fine. You may want to cry. Hell, you probably will. But you will be okay. I've taken a few trips sans Abbers and it's always the easiest the first few days, and then more and more you're just ready to go home. Even if you're having a good time.

    IT'S NORMAL.

    Plus, you'll be talking about her a lot, so it's almost like she's there. And there's the phone, and skyping if you're so inclined.

    I'll say this – we will all try to distract each other enough (with wine and narwhal tattoo threats) so we're not too busy wondering what our bebehs are doing. Kay? Mmmmmkay.

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    yes! wine and fun will help us. loves you.

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  • http://www.notmommyoftheyear.com Krista

    Aw, Mandy. You'll be fine. It'll be hard, but don't forget that you deserve this. You deserve to kick up your heels, put on your best dress and have fun! Once you get on the plane, once the goodbyes are over, just focus on having fun. Your little girl will be there waiting for you when you get back.

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    i've been chanting it to myself for a while – i deserve this, i deserve this, i deserve this!

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  • Christy

    If it's not normal then you and I are both crazy. I've been back at work for 13 months now and it still sucks balls. I miss her like mad. The first week back to work I cried to work, at work, and home from work…every day!

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  • http://dearbabyblog.com Melissa

    This is a lesson I had to learn so much earlier than I would have preferred. Everly was 3 months old the first time I had to travel. My work schedule requires me to fly on a monthly basis – so I'm all too familiar with that scary, pit in your stomach feeling that comes with thinking of leaving her.

    I'll tell you this – you'll probably cry. maybe even more than once. the first day will be WEIRD. and you'll feel sorry for yourself. the next morning, you'll wake up when you're used to her waking you up. But you'll be busy, and you'll be meeting new people – and you'll probably get to talk about her A LOT – and phone calls and skype sessions help.
    By night three, you'll still miss her, but you'll sleep through the night and you'll start to get your "single" legs about you. The ones you had before Harper when you could go and do as you pleased without packing for a small army or thinking about things like carseats or baby friendly places.

    and somewhere between day 3 and6, you'll get comfortable with being a little of both. Harper's mama who pines for her and misses the hell out of her and bubbly, free Mandy who wore ridiculously high heels out to dinner because she didn't have to worry about falling over with the weight of a toddler on her hip.

    atleast, that's how it went with me.

    and also, getting your hands on her the minute you get home – best.feeling.ever.

    Good luck!
    M

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    thanks lady. i knew you'd have great advice! i'm very much looking forward to the heels and actually putting make up on (if i can remember how). those little things i just don't do at home because i'd rather play with her. i will totally be a grown up for a bit!

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  • http://singingatastoplight.blogspot.com Molly

    Ha, I hate flying too. I'm terrified of it. But I still do it because otherwise I'd be stuck in Missouri my whole life and well, Missouri kinda sucks.

    You'll be fine. It's only a few days and you'll be SO glad you went and experienced this. Being away only makes you appreciate your life with them more!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jenlong1981 jenlong1981

    Oh that picture. Just awesome.

    Initially, it will be hard BUT you will get through it (& possibly with many, many, many phone calls home & the wonders of skye)) BUT it will also make you an even better mom. You will come home following the conference refreshed & renewed (omg, I think I just sounded like Ramona from RHONYC). You will also be amongst some really great ladies, meeting new people, soaking in a new city (an AWESOME city), partying, shopping & learning new blogging secrets. The 6 days will fly by in a blink of an eye.

    Also, don't worry if you whip out pictures of the H monster you won't be alone there will so many lovely ladies there missing their monsters as well! You will be in great company!

    Have an awesome time!

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    it's true! many of my fellow conference attendees can feel my pain, so it will be good. for all of us!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jessesco jessesco

    Leaving my monkey was one of the hardest things. I was a SAHM till she was 2 yrs old (27 months to be exact). But the first time we were apart for a few days, it was hard! I missed her like crazy, I will not lie. But she will be totally fine. Promise. And you? You will remember what it's like to be around grown people. And you will have fun. And you will come back and be H's mom and love her to pieces and everything will be right back to where it was.

    And you know what? There's always Skype! And gabillions of picture messages.

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    picture messages, yes! i must inform the hubby to send no less than 5 a day.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/babybabylemon babybabylemon

    Holy Crap that is a cute picture. And on topic, you can do it. It will be hard, but you can do it.

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  • http://charminglychandler.com Alena

    That picture cracks me up!!

    Just think about going to FAO and buying her the most bad ass toy ever and then spoiling her with stories of her web-Aunties.

    And you have to go. because I can't be jealous if you don't go lol.

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    oh i'm going. i just might *that* lady on the plane.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/lilkidthings lilkidthings

    AHH. I have been writing this post in my head and I just keep shoving it to the back. Whenever I really think about it I get sick to my stomach. BUT I think it is healthy as a mom to have an adult break. It's hard, but healthy. And you will be FAR from alone with that feeling. It's an interesting twist, no?

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  • http://alihendricks006.blogspot.com ali hendricks

    Wow thats funny, this totally explains how I'm feeling about leaving my mom to go to college!!

    I promise, once you get away (which will be hard to finally do) you will be okay. You will miss her but you will be okay.

    I know because I am a survivor of separation anxiety (even though I never thought I'd make it through it.)

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/TheTarrPit TheTarrPit

    i have no advice. Dawson is 14 months old and i still havent left him overnight somewhere. Im crazy attached. I throw up at the thought of doing it. BUT that picture made me poo my pants. seriously, cuteness. {Not the poo, her monster face}

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/kirstenmcc kirstenmcc

    Love that pic!

    Based on my experience…it'll be tough to leave, and tough being away, but you'll be fine. And after a day or so you'll really start to appreciate how nice it is to not be constantly hyper-aware and on the lookout, as you are when you're out and about with Harper. You'll appreciate the "adult-ness" of your time away, but H will probably be in the back of your mind at all times. You'll constantly think, "Oh, wouldn't Harper love this? What would she do if she was here? Wouldn't it be fun to bring her some day?" During the two trips I've taken away from M&L, I also found that I was much more aware of babies and little kids everywhere we went, watching them play, guessing their age, listening to their babble, even striking up conversations with their parents.

    So, I guess what I'm saying is that she'll be with you the whole time, you're not ever really going to "leave" here, you'll just be in a different physical location for a few days.

    And the thing I enjoyed most about our trips away? Not having the think about mealtimes w/ M&L. Seriously, it is the most stressful time of the day for me. What will they eat? Will they throw this on the floor? How big of a mess will this be? Are we out of blueberries? Can my child survive on only blueberries and milk? Should we try taking them out to eat? Can you get thrown out of Red Robin if your child screams too loudly?

    Have a great time in NYC, one of my favorite places!

    Playdate before or after blogher? Let me know and we'll set something up!

    -Kirsten

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    teammandy Reply:
    July 29th, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    i HEAR you about mealtime. i'm excited to not have to think about "will they have a highchair?" when picking restaurants. i admit it will be nice, like you said they're always in the back of the mind.

    let's do something after! you know, when all my anxiety is long gone. it will be more fun :]

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  • Courtney

    OMG ok u made me cry and laugh so hard all in a matter of like 5 seconds. That photo, OMG….ridculously cute. That Harper is so cute!!! Now, my babe is 15 months, I have no advice I havent left her yet overnight BUT I will tell you that I think once the initial goodbye is gone, you will be able to relax…shit have a cocktail on the plain, mmmm bloody mary and relax. Enjoy your time getting all dooled up and hanging out with some other great mamas and guess what Mandy all the other mamas there will be missing there kiddos as much as you, well hopefully…LOL.

    PS, u can totally call H everynight and I know she will talk to you and it may make u cry and it will totally make u laugh but its important for u to have ur time too and imagine how excited u will be to see her when u get off that plane, ur poor hubbs, LOL, I wonder if he will think u missed him ahahahahahah

    Have fun

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Jhajer Jhajer

    Oh, honey. It WILL be hard but also you will come back so refreshed and with zest. I remember when I first left both my kids for a weekend. Tegan was 10 months. I had to not think of him or I would feel such guilt for leaving my baby. We'll give you hugs, promise. And if that doesn't work, wine.

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  • http://www.kjellsandcheese.blogspot.com lena

    I haven't left mine yet so no advice here. But the thought does make me want to hyperventilate. Have fun and think of how great it will be when that week is over.

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  • http://www.lifeintheha.com Ali @ lifeintheha

    It's going to be hard, but you are going to have a blast, Mandy. I left Liam for four days and three nights in June to go to an out-of-town bachlorette party. Did I cry when I left? For sure. Did I survive? I did – and I actually had a LOT of fun. I came back refreshed and more energized than I had been in a long time – and cuddling with my little Liam when I got back was the bestest!

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  • bobbi

    It just shows how much love you have for your little nugget! We went to Hawaii when Rach was barely 3. That was the first time I had been away from my chickens, and the plane ride over was probably the hardest part because I had such separation anxiety! I cried, but once we landed and there were lots of distractions I was able to cope. I still saw things that would remind me of them and always had a little thought tucked in the back of my brain wondering what they were doing at the moment…but mostly I told myself, " I'm here to have a good time and enjoy myself so that I can go home relaxed, refreshed, and ready to continue being a loving mother." You will, too :)

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    Kristin Reply:
    July 30th, 2010 at 12:24 am

    Ditto to the advice of my wise mama! I had a great time in Paris, but would often see things that would remind me of the boys and I'd miss them. But, it was a great break and they got spoiled when I got home! lol. You'll have a great time and Harper will be in good hands :) Love ya!

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  • Kristin

    I am so with you on every part of this post! I haven't even left mine for a night yet (she's 18 months) so I can't even imagine the hyperventilation that would be occurring on my part if i were in your shoes. Just breathe and take it one moment at a time and you'll be fine!

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  • http://bebehblog.com Suzanne

    The ironic part is I am NOT going to BlogHer because I was all "WAAAAH! I CAN'T LEAVE MY BEBEH! HE NEEEEEDS ME!"

    And now I'm leaving him that weekend anyways to throw a bridal shower in my hometown. Which, although I am very excited about, it not nearly as awesome as BlogHer. So I'm still freaking out a little over leaving him.

    I'm sure you're going to be surrounded by other mamas who feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY and are more than willing to look at photos and hear about how she says "bicycle" and lend you a shoulder to cry on. And you'll probably be WAY too busy (drunk) to cry more than once or twice. So take Harper's advice in that photo and RELAX MAMA.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/alissawins alissawins

    i know this isnt going to be much help, but theres no way i'd be able to leave liv. i'm sure you'll be fine but still. sad :/

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  • http://bebebirdbeck.blogspot.com Amber

    Oh man, You are adorable. What a sweet mommy you are! I love reading how much you love your little one. I'm not a mom, so I can't say if its normal or not for sure.. but I'm gonna go ahead and guess that it is. And if not, screw normal. :]

    Harper is the freakin' cutest girl I've ever seen. ever.

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  • http://www.newmommyathome.blogspot.com melissa

    The first time we went away without Jenna i cried the whole way to the airport. I was looking forward to our trip but of course was upset to be leaving her. First thing that helped was a glass of wine at the airport. Kind of relaxed the nerves a bit. And while I was away I called home. a lot. I needed to. I knew she was in great hands. But I wanted to check on her. It was two minute convesations and then I was able to go on and enjoy my time away. Someone I met didn't even know I was a mom…kinda cool…Anyway have fun…check in at home and look forward to the hugs you'll get when you walk in the door!!

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  • http://mommyoblongata.blogspot.com Nikki

    I left the babe for the first time last week. I cried so hard the first night in the hotel. But I was alone. You get to room with fabulous ladies who will be right there in the same boat with open arms and support!
    Plus, when you get home and the kid comes running to you with big smiles…all sorts of awesome happens.

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  • http://www.dearingerdiary.blogspot.com D @ DearingerDiary

    Its hard leaving, but once you're gone it's easier. The highlight of me being away for 5 days, were the text pictures mu husband sent me randomly of my baby girl. It's okay hun! Make sure to stock up on hugs and kisses before you leave :)

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  • http://www.parentinginprogress.com Mae

    This is the part where I should be all friendlike and sensitive and tell you about how I'll take caer of you while we're there and not let you get too upset. Which is true. But when I say "take care of" what I really mean to say is "feed liquor to" because that is the coping mechanism that I have chosen to deal with MY OWN separation anxiety.

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  • http://arms-wide-open.squarespace.com Grace

    it will be ok! She will definitely notice you are gone and miss you …BUT she will also love her special time with the others and totally instantly forgive and forget the moment you are home! Kiddos are super resilient and super forgiving/understanding. (not that you are doing anything wrong…you know what i mean!) And you do totally deserve to have a blast without sippies or diapers or cheerios in your bra!

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  • http://Minimalmom.blogspot.com Cambria

    Totally normal! I remember the first time I left my daughter she was 15 months. I was a wreck. And sad because the morning I left was the last time I nursed her. I called almost every hour. Worried all night about her. Then the last night I finally slept.

    It was good for us.
    Cambria´s last [type] ..family friday- today I am old

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  • http://www.unlikelymama.net Amber

    I don't think I could do it if I had to fly somewhere. There's something calming about the fact that I can be home in an hour if I lose my shit.

    That said, I've never left her for more than a few hours. And that's only been a handful of times. My saving grace is that she'll be with her father, who is probably better at this whole parenting thing than I am :-) I'm terrified though! I won't lie, I'm nervous and this post actually made it worse, lol!

    But we'll be ok, we'll have tons of fun, wear cute clothes, get to speak like adults to other adults, have drinks in hand and get to sleep alone….or well…next to our roommates who hopefully don't cry at all hours of the night :P

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  • http://bottlechronicles.com jess; [tbc]

    I think it's normal. I mean, I was torn up when I had to leave Nolan for a week and I didn't leave the country. You'll be okay though, :) they invented phones so us crazy moms could call and check up on our babes a million times a day!

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  • R's Mom

    I left my baby for the first time last week for a business trip. I'm not going to lie…I was SO homesick even though the conference was great, I was with great people, etc. But everyone was fine. I don't think the boys missed me nearly as much as I missed them! The worst part was right after they dropped me at the at the airport…on the first leg of my flight I was surrounded by four babies, aged 3 months to 11 months. All that cuteness was a bit much to take when I had just left MY cuteness at home!

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  • http://prettyswellblog.com Suzanne

    Ohmygosh this post just made me cry. I've been having the exact same thoughts, even though this won't be my first time away from Lily for a few days. Maybe it's the fact that she got hellishly sick over the weekend, and I'm barely managing to be 15 minutes away from her at work this week. Or, maybe it's the guilt that's been creeping up on me all summer. I love your "I deserve this" mantra. Because you do. We all do.

    Also: having the hubs send photo texts throughout the day always helps me.

    HUGS!

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