just a few days in, huh?

Posted on | November 4, 2010 | 38 Comments

the terrible twos. kind of a rough blanket statement we put on an entire segment of our kid’s lives, don’t you think? i mean, there are day when our two year olds are angels, and this is SUCH a fun age for development and seeing their little personalities emerge. and their little cheeks and curls and big doe eyes and silly dances! the way they learn compassion towards others and give hugs and kisses! the way you could just burst from looking at your little human because they are so dang cute!

true. all true. but that phrase didn’t invent itself.

yesterday Harper threw the biggest, baddest, most embarrassing tantrum in public to date. sure, she’s been tantrum-ing (like it’s her job some days) for a looong time. but this? this was EPIC. in fact, i’m writing this post from the grave because i literally died of embarrassment. died dead.

the scene? we were out running a ton of errands getting ready for the opening of Opal (squee!). the morning started out awesomesauce at Starbucks where i got to drink my entire americano while my little lady sat in a regular chair and drank her milk and nommed on some apples and cheese. we made friends, she charmed other coffee goers and i smiled inside from the loveliness of it all. made mental note to make this a weekly outing just for us.

after that we headed off to do our errands. after many stops we were driving by Wendy’s and i heard a spicy chicken sandwich call my name. since everyone knows you should never ignore a spicy chicken sandwich, i decided to pull in and get us some lunch. there was one couple in front of us in line, so i held H and we talked about what she would eat (nuggets and oranges with milk. leave your judgment at the door, thanks). suddenly she decides she wants down.

“DOWN! DOOOOOOOWN MOMMY! DOWN PWEEEEASE!” and cue wriggling. hard wriggling.

“fine. you can get down but you have to hold my hand”, i set her down and grab her hand.

SCREAMS. STOMPS. GENERAL FREAK OUT.

i pick her back up and tell her she gets to a) stand and hold my hand or b) be held.

she writhes around screaming “DOWN!!!”, kicking me in the stomach and making the old people gumming their baked potatoes stare at me. i put her back down and grab her hand. SCREAMS. STOMPS. MORE SCREAMING. the lady in front of me gives me an understanding glance.

while Wendy lady took her sweet ace time gathering fries and frosties for the couple in front of us, this little dance continued for what felt like hours. she hit me in the face about 6 times. scratched me. but the screaming took the cake. all of Wendy’s was looking at me like i should get my mommy card revoked. i sweated. it was terrible. finally i put her down and didn’t try to hold her hand.

she shuffled up to the lady in front of us, smiled sweetly and BATTED HER EYELASHES.

i said to her “no one thinks you’re cute right now”.

“oh but I do”, said the lady. thanks. thanks for that.

the rest of the meal was uneventful but i’m pretty sure my face was permanently red and pit stains were blaring (i think even my deodorant isn’t equipped to handle public embarrassment).

to answer your question, yes, i could have left. but like i said, you can’t ignore a spicy chicken sandwich.

Category: au jus serious?, funny mom stuff, nugget, SUCKAGE, thats embarassing, the haps

Comments

  • http://awholelotofnothing.net Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]

    You realize every mother has been there and understands, right? And the ones that don’t and pass judgments are the assholes.
    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last [type] ..With great power comes great responsibilty and trolls

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  • http://blog.modernemotive.com Adele {modernemotive}

    I’m sorry but that last line made me giggle. That said, what a moment you ladies had. Eep. I’m not a mom, so no advice here. :)
    Adele {modernemotive}´s last [type] ..Q A- What is your guilty pleasure

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  • http://hibabyblog.com melissa d.

    Public meltdown=bad
    Your wrtiting and sence of humor=hilarious!

    We’re in the thick of those terrible twos and mine is 3 tbis week! But the good always outweighs the bad. Good luck mama!

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  • http://babydurso.blogspot.com Kelly

    Oh geez! It kills me that she stopped the screaming and terrorizing to charm the lady in front her. Quite the devious one, isn’t she? In a word: Hilarious.
    Kelly´s last [type] ..Lets talk about poop

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  • http://thechroniclesofcorbin.blogspot.com/ Jill

    oh my! i can see many of those in my near future! its funny how your opinion of hearing/seeing a screaming kid changes from, ‘someone shut that kid up’ to ‘awww, poor mom’ after you have kids of your own. im glad everything chilled out in the end and you got your spicy chicken sandwich!
    Jill´s last [type] ..it doesnt get any cuter than this!

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  • http://familysizedfun.blogspot.com karmen

    OMG my 33 month old just switched places with
    my 17 month old as the child
    “most suitable for public consumption”
    hunker down, mama
    even the tiny are mighty!
    karmen´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday

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  • http://www.littlemisrylee.blogspot.com Katherine

    Oh mama, I am so right here with you. Actually about 6 months ahead of you. There are times I just walk away from her. I am literally not equipped to handle my kid sometimes. I’m pretty sure I’m missing at least half of the allotted amount of patience required to be a *good* mom. Talk about a mom fail.

    You? I applaud you. Keep it up.

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  • http://www.nakeshamorgan.wordpress.com Nakesha

    I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD! hahaha!
    Nakesha´s last [type] ..Picture of anything-

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  • http://arms-wide-open.squarespace.com Grace @ Arms Wide Open

    the hitting/biting/scratching is the worst. i’m at a loss as to how a mother should react to that in public?
    (i’ve been there.)
    Grace @ Arms Wide Open´s last [type] ..the breaking point

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  • http://theflowersinherhair.com Katherine

    i literally laughed out loud about 4 times in this post because OBV you never ignore a spicy chicken sammy. also? tantrums totally just plain suck. you did good, mama. also i just love you and your hilarity.

    xoxo
    Katherine´s last [type] ..Gifts

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  • http://www.thepapermama.com Chelsey – The Paper Mama

    Oh, rough. Naughty Harper.
    Chelsey – The Paper Mama´s last [type] ..Get to Know a Mama- Mandy from Harpers Happenings

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  • http://www.bloggedbliss.com Mrs. Jenna

    I admit, prior to having children I would have given you the half turn, and then the half turn with the eye roll.

    However, now that I know? I e-offer you a bottle of wine and the option of checking the temperature. OUTSIDE.
    Mrs. Jenna´s last [type] ..Being Daphne is AWESOME

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  • http://wonderbreadlife.blogspot.com Mrs. Wonder

    I am so scared of this. My son goes zero to sixty with his mood swings. My public outings may be close to an end.
    Mrs. Wonder´s last [type] ..The first birthday party

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  • http://bebehblog.com Suzanne

    This is why God invented drivethrus.

    Also, I have lost ALL HOPE of surviving months 20-30 of toddlerhood. We’re only at month 19 and the meltdowns are EPIC every time we try to leave the park, or the grocery store, or someone’s house, or that specific slide at the playground, or get IN the stroller or get OUT of the stroller, or…yeah. I’m dead.
    Suzanne´s last [type] ..Giveaway Week Day 7- Phoebe Mouse

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  • http://www.adayinmollywood.com molly

    I am dead in the grave with you. Because Landon threw the biggest fit ever at the pumpkin patch last month. We left with him bent over my husband’s shoulder screaming at the top of his lungs.

    All the cute little families who were enjoying picking pumpkins were interrupted by my red-faced satan-child. It was awful.

    And to think people keep telling me that the tantrums are worse at three? F*ck me sideways.
    molly´s last [type] ..Enough

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  • http://linkielueville.blogspot.com/ Linkie Lueville

    Ah yes, I know that well! Claire did it at the county auditor a couple months ago. Involved throwing my phone at a random man, and literally SCREAMING at the clerk. Luckily it was mostly women, you clearly had all been in that same place before. I’m still at a loss as to how to deal with them. Sounds like your handled it well though!
    Linkie Lueville´s last [type] ..Happy Halloween!!!

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  • Brandi

    aw, been there, done that! it’s a good thing they’re cute sometimes.

    and wendy’s chicken nugget/oranges/milk kids’ meals are a staple meal at our house! it is BAD that wendy’s and that god-invented drive-thru is a half a mile away.

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  • Kelly

    After I dried my laughing tears from the people gumming their potatoes and your need for Spicy chicken I realized that three days ago I heard a screamer (non-parent word for toddler in fit-mode) across the store and thought to myself, “how many screams til they get out the door?” (to the tune of tootsie pop, “many licks does it take…”) Don’t worry, it sounds like you did pretty well. still giggling, “no one thinks you’re cute right now.” (I say that to my dog at the dog park, and someone invariably “corrects” me. I can’t imagine the venom at those who correct you in front of your child who has the ability to actually understand what they say!)

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  • http://charminglychandler.com Alena

    I don’t even know the right way to HANDLE a tantrum. Do you let them fling themselves on to the floor screaming and stand there waiting for them to shape up? Do you leave the store quickly leaving behind the thing you went there to get? Do you try to bribe?

    We have started tantrum city here, and so far I just let her throw it and when she’s done we go on with our business. But people don’t appreciate that I’ve learned. Actually MEN don’t appreciate that. Women usually understand.
    Alena´s last [type] ..I don’t normally do this

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  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine

    I’ve endured tantrums for things that I wanted really badly too, so I TOTALLY get that.

    And, is this the time that I should tell you that depending on the child 3 is worse? Okay, maybe not… ;P

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  • Toni

    Runs to get spicy chicken sandwich – yum. Does anyone else dip their fries in the frosty? Don’t knock it ’til you try it!

    I’ve only dealt with minor meltdowns in public thus far. However, I know it’s in the very near future for us!
    Toni´s last [type] ..Final Jeopardy

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  • http://www.mybottlesup.com nic @mybottlesup

    ::nodding::

    come here mama. i shall feed you a spicy chicken sammich and a glass of vino.

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  • http://www.thelifeofblights.com Sarah B.

    empathy abounds here. my little dude is all about the face smacks right now. not cool. at all.
    Sarah B.´s last [type] ..Rock the Vote

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  • http://mamalovesmonday.wordpress.com/ apol

    um..this is gonna sound awkward but, I’m glad I’m not the only one that gets sweaty when my kid throws a tantrum. Like we aren’t uncomfortable enough, right?

    If you’d like, you can read the story about the time my monster screamed at a clown—it might make you feel better. I’m not much of a blogger so it won’t be hard to find. It’s the post titled holy moly…

    p.s. newish reader and I really love your blog and Harper is super cute –but, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that =]
    apol´s last [type] ..Happy Halloween

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  • http://beforethebabywakes.com Alexandria

    Public tantrums are the worst. Sometimes I don’t know if I should cry, laugh or run. But I remember my first public tantrum with Phoenix. He was about 19 mths old at the mall in the play area (caught it all on camera for my blog yes I did) and afterwards a lady said to me “been there, don’t feel bad” and so now I try to remember to not feel to embarrassed because every parents has been there and if there child hasn’t been there yet and they’re going to judge me? well curse you m-fer and may you have plenty public explosions.
    Alexandria´s last [type] ..If I stayed crazy

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  • Colie

    My son Wyatt will turn two on the 15th so i know exactly the what that feels like. I love reading your blog because our babies are so close so i can relate to your posts. And to top it off my son was also a gnome for Halloween

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  • marisol

    God bless you, Mandy. God freakin’ bless you.*hugs*

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  • http://theheirtoblair.com Blair@HeirtoBlair

    oh, dude.

    First, @thelushers & I just died laughing at “I’m writing this post from the grave.” EPIC.

    Second, the public tantrums are the worst. In the words of Knuffle Bunny, Harrison goes straight-up BONELESS. I put him down, grab his hand, & he just dissolves into a screaming mess right in the middle of Home Depot. & I’m standing in the middle of 5,000 4x4s & sweating down my butt crack & Nate’s trying to figure out something to hold his golf clubs & this 22-lb terror is absolutely destroying all hope of the universe.

    ahem. So nothing but empathy from me.
    Blair@HeirtoBlair´s last [type] ..I will beat this

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  • http://www.pyjammy.com pam

    i feel ya. i swear, it was like a switch went off in the boys, mere days after they turned two. HOW DID THEY KNOW? oy.
    pam´s last [type] ..11-4-10

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  • http://fishesplusfry.blogspot.com/ Mama Fisch

    I am so dreading this and already see the first signs. Brady loves cell phones, what kid doesn’t? If he sees ours and he can’t play with it he will stand stoic and just start wailing. Tears, red face and it will not stop. No tantrum will get me to give up some of my guilty pleasures including Starbucks and an occasional frosty. Thanks for keeping it real! I am excited for Opal… :)
    Mama Fisch´s last [type] ..Thankful on a Thursday

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  • http://www.lookatthebirds.com t.bird

    it’s times like these when we all want to know what our mother’s secrets were.

    you know? when they just looked at you with eyes that spelled out every horrible form of punishment they were going to bestow on your ass when you got home if you didn’t stfu?

    and because you feared for your very soul you actually did just that- stfu & possibly start signing the Lord’s Prayer?

    yeah- that secret. need to know it.
    t.bird´s last [type] ..35-35

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  • http://www.postcardsfromparenthood.com Eliza

    Oh, guuuurrrrllll…I hear you about those Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwiches! They are a fave of mine!

    So sorry you had to go through this. I probably would have died too, and had major pit sweat!

    Soooo excited for Opal!!!! Good luck!

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  • http://lettersfromthebelly.blogspot.com kimiko

    I literally just got chills:) Should I be nervous?

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  • http://newmomadventure.blogspot.com/ Denae

    This is the stuff my hubby fears about our first – who is currently baking. I say kuddos to sticking to your guns. If anyone had said anything to me, I would have replied “Would you rather her grow up to be an entitled spoiled rotten brat?”. Its good that children dont always get their way. At this point she is probably not screaming as a manipulative guesture, its more of a communication thing. Child psychology says that emotional outburts (like screaming and tears)at two are due to lack of communication skills. You could try teaching her to communicate being upset with words instead of screaming. You try and I will with mine and we will see if science creates results because in the end Momma needs her sanity and screaming doesnt help.
    Denae´s last [type] ..Randon waiting room stuff

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  • http://www.brookesalmostnormallife.blogspot.com Brooke

    I think this is your best post yet!!! The whole I’m writing this from the grave thing had tears streaming down my face! And yes, you can’t ignore a spicy chicken sandwich!
    Brooke´s last [type] ..Three Months!!!

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  • Margaret

    I have a 3-month old who I fear is going to be the Tantrum King. As if colicky, nothing-makes-me-happy, wailing-through-every-errand experiences don’t make me sweaty enough, I can’t imagine the Terrible Twos. One time at Target, I was in line with said screaming baby, and the checker moved like a drowsy tortoise. Need you thoroughly inspect every yogurt container before scanning it? The flippin’ UPC symbols are always in the same place, Lady! On the way out, a complete stranger stopped me. “Excuse me, Miss? Do you need help?” Yes, if you turn on my invisibility belt, that would be lovely. Thanks.

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  • http://www.modernmommy.tumblr.com Starr

    I’m a new reader, and I’m LOVING your blog!

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  • http://coleemmett.blogspot.com Cole

    Thank you for scaring the bejeebus out of Mommy – I *already* freak my freak with some regularity and I’m only 14 months old!!!
    Cole´s last [type] ..Holiday Events on Coles First Blog

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