real talk.

Posted on | May 12, 2011 | 84 Comments

recently i got an email asking for advice on dealing with toddlers. the email said Harper appeared to be be so good natured, so well behaved and how did i do it? how do i assure my kiddo is polite, nice and not terrorizing our planet and it’s inhabitants with normal two year old behavior?

after i stopped laughing maniacally, i quickly realized a blog post was in order. if one person thought my child was some sort of perfect angel and me the genius who had figured out how to make kids behave, surely maybe more than one person did? and well folks, we just can’t have that.

i realize with blogs you only get snippets of the authors life. this is sometimes really hard to remember, even for me, who often feels envious of others who seem to have it all together. but it’s important to remember because you only get part of the story. i personally avoid getting too in depth about our parenting decisions for a few reasons – one, i don’t enjoy subjecting myself to others judgement – because we always choose to do what is right for our family whether or not it is right for someone elses. and with the exception of a few things figured out by trial and error, we are happy with our decisions and remind ourselves of the fact that we are learning as we go. there are blogs out there devoted to parenting and all the decisions and things to get passionate about, but this is just not one of them. it’s not my bag baby. i’ll leave that up to the people who know what they are talking about. i read some blogs like that, but choose to keep mine lighthearted and focused on our goings on as opposed to my personal feelings on how people should raise their kids. because i have no idea how people should raise their kids. i only know how to raise mine (and even that is a work in progress!).

if you’ve read this blog more than a few posts, you know that Harper is a riot. she is a very spirited, emotional, spunky, animated little human. she cracks me up on the daily and i just love who she is. she is one of a kind. but with that spirit, those emotions, and all that spunk comes equally challenging qualities. her emotions are very extreme – one couldn’t really call her a laid back kiddo. she’s all heart and very in tune with her feelings and how to express them. she is a handful. and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

but i simply can’t have y’all thinking she doesn’t act up, act out, make my face red with embarrassment in public, hit other kids, suck at sharing or ever leave me wondering if i can deal with her attitude for one. more. minute. because she DOES all that. she’s two. we struggle each day, but we work through it and we move on. i simply cannot hop online and blog my frustration because in the grand scheme, it doesn’t matter. and i certainly don’t need her looking back on this blog and reading about all the things she did that could not be helped because she’s a toddler and doesn’t know how to properly function in life yet. i think sometimes people forget how new toddlers are to the world! they start spitting out some words and learn to use a spoon half the time and we assume they are ready to take on such worldly things as sharing and not wanting to kick someone for taking their stuff. a tall order if you ask me.

(i mean, i still want to kick someone if they get near my coffee ice cream or eat my leftovers i had been thinking about all day).

there are days i look forward to bedtime. there are weeks that date night can’t come fast enough. there are moments i have to leave the room. there are days i question my own sanity and have to call people to make sure i have not gone off the deepend (thank you mom and mae). just because i don’t open up wordpress and tell you about it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. trust.

in between the cute photos of her are the ones like above. sometimes i giggle as i look back through folders and come across them. it’s real life (and a lot easier to laugh once your ears have stopped ringing and the memories of that day – the no shower, 17 time outs, teething madness, cat puked on your pillow kind of day – have passed). i wouldn’t change her for anything. i appreciate that she meets the things she dislikes vehemently with the same fierce emotion that she meets the things that bring her immense joy. it makes her Harper.

besides, even her mad faces are pretty cute.

Category: blogging, nugget, the haps, wait what?, wine

Comments

  • http://profiles.google.com/lizziedoesit21 Elizabeth Santana

    yes. keeping it real. i am the same way.. but if i wrote about my TERRIFIC two year old and all the FUN things he does, i would just be a whiner.. nobody likes a whiner. lol I LOVE THAT YOU KEEP IT REAL. i enjoyed reading this. and couldn’t agree more. Harper is still an adorable little angel :)

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    lol! yes. FUN and TERRIFIC. :) thanks!

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  • Anonymous

    Harper is freakin adorable. My little girl is the same way too much personality for her own good. while it may be fun it sure can be challenging. I like when you post things like this because people do forget and they only see her happy when we as mom’s the the complete picture (in full on HD I might add) and besides that no one is perfect we are all just figuring it out.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    yes! thanks lady.

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  • http://soulsingingliv.blogspot.com/ Olivia

    Every phase brings its challenges and we just have to try our best to appreciate our children for who they are, not who we want them to be. My 7 year old rolled her eyes at me the other day! WHOA, new level. But there are always going to be moments. It’s hard, but we manage because we love them! Thanks for this real and honest post!

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Harper is going to be an eyeroller. i just know it. :)

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  • Jodi

    Ha! I just wrote you a comment yesterday reveling in the news that you do actually have to discipline! Of course you do! You’re right, it’s so easy to get caught up in being absolutely positive you are screwing something up, that you lose sight of the fact that *of course* everyone else is dealing with the same shat, different color. Thanks for your reassuring post! You could change the site name to “Dear Mandy.”!!

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    yes! i saw that and meant to mention it in this post. we have to use timeouts everrrrry day. this week we implemented the time out chair (before she was put in her room, in her crib – it did NOTHING). the time out chair is working really well. it’s pretty much the super nanny approach, if you’ve ever watched the show. get down on her level, tell her why she’s going on the timeout chair, she has to sit in it for 2 minutes. if she gets up, time starts over. in less than a week, this has been more successful than months of our previous method (we literally didn’t know where to put her before).

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  • http://eastpath.tumblr.com eastpath

    I’m interested to see how my little girl will be in the toddler phase. She’s pretty opinionated already! (At only 7 months, lol!) It’ll be an adventure for sure. Harper is beautiful, and we are lucky that you share even the smallest portion of your life with us :)

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    you are so sweet. Harper was opinionated since day one, too. it’s a wild ride! but so worth it.

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  • http://amagnoliaheart.com/ Whitney

    That mad face is pretty stinkin’ cute.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    it really is.
    :)

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  • Katielicht

    ah! such a great post. you really do have to accept your kids for who they are. and like my mom always says when I ask her about something weird David is up to, “he’s still just figuring out how to be a person.” being a toddler is tough stuff.
    Love the mad Harper photo too! So real.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    yes! still trying to figure out how to be a person. exactly. i see a lot of people have much too high expectations of toddlers. they just got here, yo!

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  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    thank you!

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  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.mommaconfessions.blogspot.com Kate

    Great post! I especially love that last pic!

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous

    People are always commenting on how well behaved my (just turned) two year old son is because he gets really quiet and cautious in unfamiliar places. I just tell them to come to my house sometime and see how he is in on his own turf ;) Not that he’s not a lovebug at home, he’s just also a normal rambunctious toddler.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    i feel like this is so universal. i have said to numerous moms before how well behaved their kids are and whatnot and i get the same reaction that i would give – yeah she’s awesome, but come to my house and check out the real her. so i don’t remark on it anymore. because i understand :)

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    Anonymous Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    A lot of it comes from my in-laws and includes commentary on how they can tell I’m a great mother because he’s such a sweetheart. I’m glad they feel that way but I’m a little nervous about what happens if the bun I’m currently baking turns out to be a little more “spirited” shall we say.

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  • stephanie @ femmena mala

    Love. This.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    xo!

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  • Marenmccoy

    Thank you for this post. At 16 months, my son is on the brink of this. You said what I needed to hear- realism that includes joy.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    i’m so glad you liked it. xo!

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  • http://twitter.com/DesiPayment Desi Payment

    I too have a very spirited toddler…so I hear you when you say its so enjoyable but also comes with extreme emotions oh and she doesn’t share either…and her hugging other children usually ends up in some sort of throwdown. You are very right though, its what makes them special and individuals.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    i sometimes wonder what our other kids will be like. i feel the majority of H’s personality is just ingrained in her – i mean we can be funny, but she is just a natural. curious to see what other babies/toddlers will be like!

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  • http://arms-wide-open.squarespace.com arms wide open

    oh so you all aren’t perfect?

    thank God. :)

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    bahahahahaha.
    ;)

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kayla.earwood Kayla Chism Earwood

    Now how am I supposed to feel pity for you when, even in the first tantrum photo, Harper’s got such a darn cute dress on! And that hair!

    [Reply]

    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    what frustrating is after the tantrum and she comes up to me with the doe eyes and says “be happy mommy!”. well dang. ok.

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  • Fiona

    Well after hanging out with you and Harper quite a few times in the last few weeks, I think you are doing a wonderful job with handling any behavior you don’t like. I hope you will help me when Elle reaches that stage.

    In that wiggle class we took, those other girls were “nicely behaved” but um super boring and Harper and Elle were hilarious. And WE were both not perfectly behaved kids (hello getting kicked out of class for getting laugh attacks) and we turned out to be pretty normal and fun :) So keep doing what you are doing. I would much rather hang out with Harper the free spirit then a “perfect” boring Harper. Plus even when she is angry, she is still one of the cutest kids on the planet..

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    i can’t get that vision out of my head – those little girls sitting there listening to story time, pan over to Harper in the corner telling the reader the stories inconsistencies, pan to elle laying on the little thing they are supposed to sit on, pan to us peeing our pants.

    i will help you will elle, and by that i mean steal her and bring her to my house so i can eat her cheeks whenever i want.

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  • http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/ Ashley @ Spite or Flight

    Seriously, I will cut someone if they even look at my coffee ice cream, and I’m 30.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    TRUTH

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  • http://www.dearcarter.com Diana

    You never fail to write a great post that has me both thinking hard and laughing in between. It’s great that Harper is so spirited and that she has a mom who welcomes that spirit so lovingly. Thumbs up!

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    thanks lady!

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  • http://www.dreamstodo.com Ariel @ Dreams To Do

    Love this post. Love Harper. Love when bloggers point out that their life isn’t always perfect. You rock!

    Can you pretty please tell me where your comforter/duvet cover is from? I seem to remember you had a post about your bedding in the past but can’t find it . And, I want it! :-)

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    it’s from ikea! it was seriously 14 dollars. it’s like stealing practically.

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    Ariel Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Thanks Mandy!

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  • http://twitter.com/suitcasetricks suitcasefulloftricks

    Yeah, I’ve got a couple of those too. What’s worse is when they’re shy and come across to strangers as silent little angels.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dyanna-Lynne-Littke/1308418954 Dyanna Lynne Littke

    I Love your honesty. Damn.

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  • http://www.sunshinewonderland.com MrsWonder

    This to a million! My son is so sweet around family, they though he was an angel! Then came MOther’s Day brunch. Yeah.

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  • http://twitter.com/HowToBeADad Charlie N Andy

    Can’t tell you how much I relate. I post the happy photos because there are many and because they have a more aesthetic quality (usually). But those moments in between can be intense. My son Finn feels a lot. Immense love and immense frustration.

    Here’s proof at Christmas time: http://twitpic.com/4wop4f

    I’m guilty of being envious of that greener grass too. I just turned 30 and had such a clear picture of where I would be or who I would be by now. My son can be a sweetheart and a tyrant. He’s a snuggler and an emotional terrorist. But he’s my son and I love him, all of him. And truthfully… You could say the same exact things about me. People put up with me too.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    love this.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/erebap Emily Pitcher

    Of course she’s a hand full! Every new age they hit brings along new hassles. But they bring all the good stuff too. I’m 100% with you on wanting my chirruns to be their own “thems”. I wouldn’t trade and of my babies quirks and passions for more sleep or the ability to sit down and read a book and I certainly wouldn’t trade them to be rid of any of our arguments. How boring would it be if your kid just did whatever you asked all the time?

    Cheers to you Mandy!

    (And someday if all you gorgeous linens and pillows go missing it will NOT be because I stole them all. Swears.ahem.)

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    if you came over to steal my pillowcases and didn’t at least hang out with me, i’d be PISSED.

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    Miss Tricky Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    How else would I distract you while I plundered your housewares?

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    Anonymous Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    ”
    Every new age they hit brings along new hassles. But they bring all the good stuff too.”

    Thats basically what I said to my husband when I was making sure that he was ready for us to start trying for #2 and he wanted to know if our (at that point) 21 month old son would be “easier” in 9 months.

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    Miss Tricky Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Ha! Whenever my squeeze asks when it gets easy I tell him, “well, you’re 43 and still kind of a pain in my ass…sooo…..maybe 50?”

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  • http://twitter.com/TheSmallGal Hayley

    “i mean, i still want to kick someone if they get near my coffee ice cream or eat my leftovers i had been thinking about all day.”

    Truth.

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    Mandy Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    the WORST.

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  • http://heatherandwalter.blogspot.com Heather

    My son Max is 2 1/2. This age is the best and worst age we’ve had so far.

    Also, love the dress in pic #1 – where did you get it?

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  • http://www.hibabyblog.com/ melissa d.

    this is great mandy! wait till you get a real taste of rowan on friday…we can forever compare notes. and she is three…i might not have any hair left at the end of toddler-hood.

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  • http://www.adayinmollywood.com molly

    I still suck at sharing. It’s a difficult concept to grasp. I grew up with 3 sisters and got a lot of hand-me-downs. I want my own stuff these days, damn it!

    Anyhoo – I love that Harper is a spirited child. I was too. And I turned out alright. With the exception of a couple of years in college that we won’t talk about, mkay?

    Thanks for sharing what I, as a mom of 2 boys, already knew :)

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  • mplusmequalsm

    Right on. I love your honesty.

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  • Sara

    love this post! Everyone says the same sort of comments about my 2 year old but I see a different side of her: the crazy, screaming, kicking side every once in awhile. You, know, the giggling as she kicks you in the stomach kind of behavior, but it’s real and I wouldn’t trade any of it.

    http://www.iamsarajane.blogspot.com

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  • Alia85

    i love Harper’s dress in the top picture can you please tell me where you got it?

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  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com/ Elaine

    I think I shall email you and ask how you keep so cool about it all. :-P Seriously, you’re attitude is awesome. If only all parents could understand that each day starts anew and moving on from the toddler-isms is definitely the way to go!

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  • http://littlegraypixel.blogspot.com Vanessa

    OMG that top photo is all kinds of awesome.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/mandee.quinn Mandee Quinn

    WAIT, so you’re not super woman?!

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  • http://flyrishfoibles.com Micheline

    Real talk is right! My 2.4 year old is both a lover and a fighter, and I try to have a sense of humor about the fighter part. Your attitude is most awesome. Both my husband and I need to remind ourselves about how old our little guy really is from time to time. And I agree– I wouldn’t change our guy for the world. Now let’s see how this baby girl growing in my belly turns out . . .

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  • Ashley Hartman

    Thanks for this post. Of course I know every parent has their struggles and VERY challenging days, but it’s nice to see/hear about it, especially on a tough day. I have a 4 month-old, and we’re starting teething hell. Between the almost no sleep last night and the screaming today, I want to hide under the bed and never come out. I guess I need to buck up for the toddler years!

    And, not exaggerating, Harper is one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen.

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  • Aimee

    “(i mean, i still want to kick someone if they get near my coffee ice
    cream or eat my leftovers i had been thinking about all day)”
    Food aggression.  I suffer from this as well.  I bite.

    BTW- Harper is so adorable!  I cracked up at these photos.  

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  • Katie

      ”wouldn’t change her for anything. i appreciate that she meets the things she dislikes vehemently with the same fierce emotion that she meets the things that bring her immense joy.”

    I love that you said this, how you described Harper. This, this is exactly how I feel about my daughter. She, like Harper, is anything but laid back. Some friends and family call her particular, or say she knows what she wants. Others call her stubborn, which, come on she is 18 months old. My daughter may be trying at times for sure, but I love her passionate nature whether she is happy, or sad, or mad. Because it makes her, her.

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  • http://tidbitsparenting.blogspot.com/ Lindsey

    word! 2-point-whatever year olds are all kinds of a handful! I totally use blogging to put my day in perspective and focus on what made it great. I found your blog here pretty recently ago and love it (love!) because you do the same. xo!

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  • http://babymonitorsblog.com/do-not-buy-the-summer-infant-slim-monitor-before-you-read-this/ Matilda

    “but i simply can’t have y’all thinking she doesn’t act up, act out, make
    my face red with embarrassment in public, hit other kids, suck at
    sharing or ever leave me wondering if i can deal with her attitude for
    one. more. minute. because she DOES all that. she’s two. we struggle each day”   Ah the terrible two’s.  We never doubted you for a second ;)

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  • michelle

    liar!!!! I have seen miss harper irl and she is perfect! 

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  • http://profiles.google.com/a.carpenter.h Andrea Carpenter

     I commend you for writing this honest post. I don’t have any children yet, but I imagine that when I do I will have the same viewpoint on sharing my parenting style. I have friends who are mamas and they get so judged by so many different people about how they parent and I just think, “Wow. It’s none of their business.” Thank you for sharing this and those awesome photos! ~Andrea @ http://hecallsmewifey.blogspot.comhttp://hecallsmewifey.blogspot.com

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  • Alia85

    Hi Mandy

    i love Harper’s dress in the top picture can you please tell me where you got it?thanks! :)  

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  • http://www.peanutbutterhandprint.blogspot.com Andrea

    this is such a well written post!  i must say, harper IS a riot to be around.  haven’t seen a real tantrum moment from her but i bet she can throw a doozy! 

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  • http://www.parentinginprogress.com Mae Winter

    Love this post. Love her. Love you.

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  • http://twitter.com/tonilb16 Toni

    such a great post! she is so adorable..even when she’s mad.

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  • http://asortafairytaleblog.com mandy at asortafairytale

    Ha ha ha this just made me laugh. People always tel me “Bennett is always smiling, what a happy kid, lucky you!!!” And yes, I am very lucky – but he’s such a TURD! (as i said a million times at a girls night out!) I need to start capturing that on my blog a little more. :)

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  • Amy

    you do know she’s a spitting image of you in the first pic, right?  and not bc of the facial expression, but bc she’s a carbon copy of you!  :)  

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  • http://profiles.google.com/michelleschmitz08 MICHELLE SCHMITZ

    Thank you for being so honest! I think it is hard to come across blogs where everything is picture perfect and they never let up that it is anything but. It seriously has me questioning myself as not only a parent, but as a human being. I am so glad that there are people out there going through the same shizzzz as everyone else.  Love your blog and keep on being honest and AWESOME!

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