Pumpkins & perspective.

Posted on | October 24, 2011 | 45 Comments

sunday morning headed out to spooner farms for our third year in a row to pick pumpkins, pet goats and eat corn on the cob and drink cider. it also happened to be the first time we took H out for an excursion sans diaper. i felt pretty good about it since her friend Nora, who is a year older and a potty champ, would be there to nudge her along should she need to go. she also stayed dry at preschool on friday so long story short, we headed out for our annual fun outing with a change of clothes and a bucket of hope. also, coffee.

it was a pretty good day weather wise, but holy cow was it muddy. we walked around and all searched for our perfect pumpkin. i was feeling really uppity about the potty sitch. Harper hadn’t gone before we left and although she is (too) good at holding it, i knew she was going to have to go. on top of all of this, she had been holding her poop in since we started this ordeal, and was beginning to get visibly uncomfortable. she was dancing around every couple of minutes saying ouch. knowing she was in pain, not being able to make her understand that if she went she would feel better, and the nervousness about her letting loose at any moment was enough to make me crazy. i felt a panic attack setting in. everyone else was having fun, but in my head i was losing it. i was sad for Harper and mad at myself for letting this crap (heh) mess up what should be a great day. so we pushed on.

we were just about done picking out some little pumpkins and gourds, ready to weigh our big pumpkins when she peed. i had just asked her if she needed to go, and she said no. i picked her up to take a photo with her and felt it. on the one hand, my fear of public peeing was kind of calmed down – it happened. and with her leggings and skirt, no one would have even known she peed. her first public accident was over and i was almost relieved. at the same time i was a level of frustrated that i haven’t felt before. i felt like a failure.

we payed for our things, cut the day short and left. i came home feeling completely defeated. i wallowed in my feelings of failure, lamenting about it all evening. why can’t she do this? why can i not teach her? what is so wrong with me? it’s been almost a week and we aren’t much closer to success – WHY IS THAT?

and then i read this.

as i read through hot tears, i changed my tune about this miniscule thing called potty training. i don’t care if she wears diapers until she’s twelve. i don’t care if she pees all over my house every day for months before she gets it. i don’t care if she pees at daycare and they have to change her clothes. if she asks me to go back to diapers, she can go back to diapers. i seriously could not care any less about potty training today. and i feel extremely selfish for caring as much as i have up to this point.

“Parenting, I’ve come to understand, is about loving my child today. Now. In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that’s all there is.”

Category: family, friends, just plain cute, nugget, Scot, the haps

Comments

  • http://silenceandnoise.wordpress.com andrea

    As a parent, it is so hard to let go sometimes. I totally feel your frustration, but I am sure Harper will get here. At her own pace. hugs to you three.

    [Reply]

    andrea Reply:
    October 24th, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    by here, I meant “there”… sigh.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.hibabyblog.com/ melissa rohr

    i read that story yesterday too! so so sad – totally puts life into perspective and makes me want to let my kids jump on the bed a little more…you know what i mean? you’re totally doing a good job potty training – you’re braver than me going cold turkey on the diapers!

    [Reply]

  • Julie

    Wow.  I’m speechless…and crying.  Thank you for some much needed perspective.  

    [Reply]

  • http://www.srslyliz.com Liz

    That article broke my heart :/ Ugh. I can’t even imagine.

    [Reply]

  • Michellene

    Totally made me cry! Thank you for sharing that, a nd your journeys!

    [Reply]

  • Toni

    thank you for sharing that story – totally puts things in perspective. I also tried the 3 day potty training method with my son – he was 26 months old..perhaps too early, but not according to the book. After 8 days, he was not getting any better. He was also holding poop and just having accidents constantly – poop ones, too. We were about to go on vacation and we decided it was worth our sanity to put diapers back on him. I am also pregnant, so I was an exhausted/hormonal mess.

    I think after a week – your outlook is great. I hated hearing it when I was trying the potty training – but everyone kept saying “maybe he isn’t ready”. I was so stubborn – no, he can do this. But maybe he wasn’t ready. So we’re waiting and we’ll try again..some day.

    [Reply]

  • Dana

    You are a good mama, and she will “get it” when she is ready.  Beleive me, I understand frustration over potty training, having the most stubborn child in the world where that is concerned! (he is 6 and a half now and fully potty trained now). I used to think I was going to keep diapers on him until he was 12, but he did get it and I think after I stopped stressing about it, it clicked with him.  I saw that other story on the link last week and I thought the same way…that all of my parental worries seemed so small in comparison, but yes we all have our battles to fight and the important thing to remember is that we all do the best we can do, and in the end we all want our children to grow up and be amazing, wonderful people.  

    [Reply]

  • Mom-nom

    I read that article earlier today, on Karing for Keegan’s page.  I don’t know if you know Beth, but they found out on Friday that Keegan has weeks to live.  http://www.karingforkeegan.blogspot.com.  He’s two. And it really put things in perspective for me, too.  It’s unfortunate that it takes stories like theirs to smack us back to reality at times, isn’t it? 

    [Reply]

  • http://asortafairytaleblog.com mandy at asortafairytale

    I read that article and it touched me so deeply!! We all need a little perspective every once in a while to really appreciate things and not take our children for granted. Thanks for sharing!

    [Reply]

  • Alaythea

    I am not one of those that believe you should wait until your child just magically potty trains themselves. I potty trained my daughter at 2 years old. They are perfectly capable of understanding, but it takes them time to get it down pat. That’s why you have to stick with it and just keep at it. One thing I learned with my daughter is you don’t ask them if they need to go, they will say no every time. I’d take my daughter every 30 minutes at home and every 30 minutes to 45 minutes when we we out and about. It got her used to stopping what she was doing and going. It sucks, it’s not fun but we have to sacrifice our time to make it happen. Don’t give up, it can be done! And for the first little bit try Pull Up’s when you go out and then take her to the potty every 30 minutes so she keeps the Pull Up dry!

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous

    That link was so hard to read. I. Ugh. Crying.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous

    I just read that article and cried…it does put life in perspective.  She’ll get it, it will work out :)

    [Reply]

  • http://www.parsnipsandpears.blogspot.com Ami @ parsnips and pears

    thank you so much for sharing your story AND the linked article.  It’s so hard as mamas to take time to pause and have perspective of the big picture.  To try to live in the moment instead of worrying about the future so much.  I love when I stumble across things that help me remember what we are all really here for.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.pecklife.com Emily

    Super hard article…yep, diapers seem ok forever…

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous

    Your an awesome mom. Know that your not doing this alone. That article hit me hard to. It’s been one of those days/weeks and something like this can seriously put anything in perspective. 

    [Reply]

  • Ashley Jenks

    thanks for the perspective today.  just remember that you love Harper to pieces and that is the most important job as a mother.  and i think you rock as one.

    [Reply]

  • Ashley Jenks

    thanks for the perspective today.  just remember that you love Harper to pieces and that is the most important job as a mother.  and i think you rock as one.

    [Reply]

  • http://rmtnmama.blogspot.com Rocky Mountain Mama

    Thank you so much for sharing that article. A tearjerker for sure, but it definitely gave some perspective. And you are doing fantastic with Harper. There will be set backs, but all we can do is love them through it.

    [Reply]

  • michelle

    so so sad, and yet you really can feel that mothers love for her child. (thx for the link)
    also, you are doing nothing wrong w/ p.t.
    1 week is not that long!!!!
    she will get there for sure. for sure.
    i promise, for sure!

    [Reply]

  • http://thatgirlphotography.blogspot.com Cynthia

    I had a pretty bad day with my son on Thursday, while my husband was away.  I know that on better days I am a good mom but that day I felt like the worst mom in the world.  I yelled so many times when it was definitely unnecessary.  It was one of those days where I thought I could never have another child because I could never ever handle it.  I went to bed hoping for a better Friday.  On Friday I read the article and lost it.  How could I care so much for the things that made me yell?  It was definitely the biggest eye opener I’ve ever read.  

    However, I’m sure potty training is stressful.  My son is not 2 yet but I am not even going to attempt it until he shows interest or he’s about to start kindergarten.  I’m that freakin’ scared.  

    [Reply]

  • http://rainysaturday.blogspot.com Amy

    As a mom to be, any day now, I have replayed every possible worst case scenario in my head – big and little things, from “will s/he be healthy?” to “will s/he sleep for more than 15 minutes at a stretch?” and everything in between.

    If the little things aren’t always peachy and I start getting a sulk on, I will read that article. Thank you for sharing it.

    [Reply]

  • Rae Veda

    You and your daughter are so adorable. So perfect. xo, rv

    http://aneclecticheap.blogspot.com/

    [Reply]

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=19709419 Marissa Lynn Young

    We had our first outing after a week as well and I felt exactly like you, deathly afraid of the inevitable accident. And sure when it did happen and we were struggling in the public restroom full of germs I was freaking out. But reading that piece you shared, wow, isn’t that true, that of all things, we want to raise our children to most importantly know they are loved. Potty training will happen at the pace that it’s meant to, too much tv isn’t going to ruin them. We put so much pressure on ourselves as mothers and our children sometimes that stories like that help remind us that we never know how many days we have, so spend them enjoying the time with the ones we love to the best of our ability. Thank you for sharing this with us!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.adayinmollywood.com molly

    Okay, can.not.comment.on.pumpkin.cuteness.

    As I am now bawling my eyes out at work.
    Holy crap. I can understand your lack of caring about pee now. Totally and completely with you on that.
    This was so hard for me to read. Especially since I was lamenting about how shy my son is last week and how scared I am that he will be made fun of as he grows up.

    Fuck shy. Fuck being made fun of.

    I just want my kids here. As long as I have them to love it is okay.

    Now I have to go blow my nose.

    [Reply]

  • http://acollectionofpassions.com/ Kacie

    She’s so freakin’ cute.  The potty training will stick eventually, it takes all different kids different ways and time.  She’ll get it!  Some kids are way into other could give a shit!  Hee hee get it…. ;-)

    Kacie

    [Reply]

  • http://mygirlsimple.wordpress.com/ Ashlie

    My son is 11 days old.  I already feel guilt and failure pretty much constantly: “Why can’t I get breastfeeding down?  Am I holding him too much?  Am I ruining him by laying him in the bassinet to get things done?  Why am I reading blogs when I could be doing dishes, or standing over his swing just staring at him?”  My mom told me that guilt, judgment, and comparison are going to be the hallmarks of parenthood until Milo is 50, and it’s up to me to LET IT GO as much as possible.  It’s really, really hard…but the article certainly puts things into perspective.

    Harper is gorgeous, healthy, and happy, with tons of positive experiences already logged with her loving family.  She feels safe and secure and has a great life.  You’re doing a great job.

    [Reply]

  • Alex Yergeau

    I read the Dragon Mom article a few days ago…just minutes after texting my husband to see when he’d be home from work because our son was driving me crazy.  I broke down in tears feeling so guilty and like such a failure that I should be so upset to have such a beautiful healthy and energetic toddler.  Reality Check!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.violetlulu.blogspot.com Violet Lulu

    that article left me sobbing, i refuse to imagine (more than i can help) what that would be like. I’m so lucky.

    [Reply]

  • douglife

    I’m kinda mad at you… I thought that article was gonna be something funny about potty…

    [Reply]

  • Dramaqueensmum

    Maybe she just isn’t ready yet. My daughter was 3 years old & 4 months. I didn’t think she was ready & she wasn’t really showing signs, but she was starting a pre-school where they had to be potty trained. So we did it in a week, but she was ready.

    [Reply]

  • http://letterstohannah.blogspot.com Wendy

    I’ve seen this article floating around and it is so heart breaking. I cannot imagine what that mother is dealing with. But her message is so beautiful and humbling. Definitely puts our petty problems into perspective.

    On a lighter note, those pictures of Harper making the “uncomfortable” faces are hilarious! Serious blackmail for when she’s in high school.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.bluebirdkisses.com ana {bluebirdkisses}

    I am in tears right now.  And I feel so awful for  complaining today about my lack of sleep.  How friggin selfish of me.  I think we should all count the blessings that we have and be thankful for every day, every minute.

    I love this post today.  Its lovely and real, and the photos are fantastic.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Becca-Stabile/725785571 Becca Stabile

    That article made me bawl my eyes out, and I’m not even a mom. So heartbreaking.

    As for the potty training, at least it gives you a socially acceptable excuse to chug wine nightly. :)

    -Becca
    http://whatbeesaid.blogspot.com/

    [Reply]

  • Sweetgreentangerine

    Wow. That was the most moving article about parenthood I have ever read.  It hurt bad, but it gave me some much needed perspective.  It will no doubt stick with me forever, thank you for sharing.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine A.

    All it takes is a bit of perspective, huh?  

    She’ll get it.  You’re doing great. xo

    [Reply]

  • http://www.facebook.com/emallernee Ellen Mallernee Barnes

    I read this post yesterday but wanted to come back today and say how much I loved it because of its honesty. I just love your voice, Mandy. It’s OK to get down about parenting stuff, but you’re so right that all of that jive needs to be put into perspective. 

    [Reply]

  • megswishy

    Thank you for posting that article. I’ve shared it with all my mom friends and it certainly puts things in perspective and makes you realize how amazing people are. On a completely separate and superficial note, where did your friend find those amazing boots? I must copy! :)

    [Reply]

  • Ashley Sisk

    How fun – I love the one photo with the girls by the hearts. That’s really great.

    [Reply]

  • http://arms-wide-open.squarespace.com arms wide open

    wow. that is quite a story. thanks for sharing the article. simply beautiful. You are doing a great job, mama. You are just what Harper needs.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous

    I found the story earlier today and found myself in tears.  Harper will get it.  Don’t you worry.  She’s a smart girl- I remember her being able to say narwhal and unicorn almost out of the womb ;)   On another note, where in the world Nora’s mama get her boots. I.envy.

    [Reply]

  • http://profiles.google.com/lizziedoesit21 Elizabeth Santana

    i read this story the other day and it brought me back to reality. a reminder to not take small things too serious. to let my three year old scream and get angry when he loses while playing super mario. just yesterday it dawned on me that i should be proud he gets angry and shows his emotions because he’s actually expressing himself. i need to  remind myself each day because sometimes i get caught up in the moment. we are so blessed and while potty training is a pain in the ass, one day he will no longer wear diapers and mispronounce most of his words. we need to enjoy our kids today as much as we can. i hope after this week, harper naturally does her business in the potty! i have been waiting for niko to be “ready” but he just doesnt want to wear undies! stubborn kid. xoxo! 

    [Reply]

  • http://tobabylovemama.blogspot.com Chelsea @The Curly Cues

    I had the same reaction. It is a rough way to gain perspective.

    [Reply]

  • Pingback: A little reminder « What… a whirlwind.

  • Anne Marie Hemingway

    My son wore diapers until he was almost 4.  All of the sudden one day it just clicked for him and he stopped wearing them on his own and has only had a handful of accidents. It was wonderful!  Thank you for sharing that article.  It puts so many things into perspective so fast!  

    [Reply]