For Harper: Super amazing life advice | Part 1

Posted on | July 11, 2012 | 37 Comments

A series of posts for Harper to read when she’s older, consisting of obviously amazing advice from me, based on things that have happened to me over the course of my (at time of publishing) 31 years of life.

Harper, thus far in your 3 and a half years of life, your dad and I have taught you invaluable information. So much of it! The fact that we singlehandedly taught you how to go to the bathroom inside of a toilet instead of all over yourself and sometimes others still boggles my mind. We’ve taught you what music is good, how to open the fridge, and to say “and I’m smart, too!” when someone tells you that you are cute/pretty.

Very important things.

But what about those things in life that might happen that literally no one prepares you for? Have no fear, your old mom has you covered (by the time you read this, I will indeed be old)(I know, I’m as sad about it as you must be right now). Through a series of posts, I will show you a  short list of things that have happened to me, and what I learned from them. What are the chances of these exact events happening to you? Close or at zero. But! You’ll be prepared should the stars align.

When I was 19 years old I got shingles. Seriously, shingles. Apparently 19 year olds are not really supposed to get shingles, but this shows you what kind of amazing luck I have. Shingles really hurt. Unfortunately when you work at a bistro making smoothies for rich people at a swanky athletic club, no one cares about your old person disease. They want their smoothie and skinny lattes, like now. In order to get to work, I needed to put gas in my car. GG had given me her gas card (thanks mom!), but in an effort to always get the cheapest gas as she’d taught me, even if it was only a 2 cent difference, I hopped on the freeway to go to the station nearest my work.

It was on the freeway that I ran out of gas. You’ll be horrified to know that this was before cellphones were a normal thing to have (I know. You’re reading this in your Google glasses or some shit but hear me out) so when one ran out of gas you had no option but to walk. Walk! I was a 19 year old girl with shingles and I had to walk (when you get shingles someday at the age of 80 you’ll understand that walking with shingles hurts) to the next exit ramp, to the nearest gas station (irony!) to use a pay phone (you used to be able to put coins in…oh nevermind).

Did I mention it was December? Wind is windy in December. I cried my entire journey along the freeway. I got all the way to the top of the ramp, nearly to my destination, when a car pulled up along side to offer help. Should this happen to you at any juncture, keep looking straight ahead until you hear a woman’s voice calling out to you. I’m not being sexist, just being your mom. I mean I guess a lady could chop you up into bits, but not this lady that helped me. She drove a Volvo and had her hair in rollers. Just be picky is what I’m saying. Even if you do have shingles, ugly cry face, and very windblown hair.

She drove me the 2 blocks I had remaining to the gas station, where I called my boyfriend and had him pick me up, buy a gallon of gas and take me back to my car. I’d like to mention here it takes a long ass time to get back to your car that is in between two freeway exits. But what do you care, you own a hovercraft, AMIRITE?

There are a few things I’d like you to take away from this. Firstly, and most importantly, just get the gas. JUST GET THE GAS. Or plug in your car or whatever. Just don’t be a procrastinator or try to save 2 cents a gallon (on a dollar gallon of gas! It happened!) while you have shingles and it’s windy. Secondly, should this happen to you anyways, learn from it. This was over a decade ago and I still wait to get gas like, an inappropriate amount of time. It’s all very stupid. It gives your dad the side eyes very hard when I exclaim “and I was driving up a hill and it said zero miles until empty! But I still made it!”. I fear he will have a heart attack should we team up on this very irresponsible habit, so please, to be safe, fill your tank when it is no lower than 1/4 tank. Thanks in advance.

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Category: memoriiiiiiiiies, Motherly advice, notes to harper, thats embarassing

Comments

  • kristine

    really loved this post! you take really unfortunate and sad moments and somehow make them funny :) thanks for the chuckles. btw, this is such a wonderful thing you’re doing for harper – idk if it’s bc we’re mothers but i often feel like i have to write things down for my kids, just in case, something happens to me, too . . . and i, of course, have great advice they will definitely need ;)

    krissyj0606.blogspot.com

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  • Katie Harris

    I got shingles at an inappropriate age too! (20, three months after I’d gotten married. Ho boy.) Somehow I lucked out and they didn’t hurt. I’m sure that means that when I’m old, they’re going to come back and hurt like hell.

    thebestkatie.blogspot.com

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  • http://www.almostfoodie.com/ Miya

    This is brilliant. Your daughter will love you for it. I made my daughter a scrapbook..well three of them and she is now 10 and still likes to take them down and look through them. Mostly asking questions like “What’s wrong with that lady’s hair?” Just typing that makes me feel so behind the times… do people even scrapbook anymore… you know… with actual paper? I better get started on a digital journal…sh*t.

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  • http://brockpaperscissorsblog.com/ Joanna

    I got shingles at 21! So, so crazy. In a way I’m kind of happy to find out there is another non-geriatric person who had it too!

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  • http://profiles.google.com/abusta1 Andrea Hastings

    I am so looking forward to the rest of these posts :)

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  • Cindy Price

    on the other side of the coin, I got chicken pox when I was 30 and pregnant (they don’t harm babies – you just can’t swallow any good pain/allergy meds). Maybe that means I won’t get shingles until I’m 100. I did learn that spray-on anti-itch stuff is the only thing that helped the itching. I used Solarcaine and kept it by my bed. Caladryl and other lotions and oatmeal baths helped at first and then when dry, itches even more. And please keep your tank filled. It’s just easier that way.

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  • Aa

    Excellent advice / hilariously told story.

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  • http://www.acutedesigns.org/ Gina

    this was the best post ever.  such an important life lesson…she will be happy to have these one day :) .

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  • http://www.withlovediana.com/ Diana

    I love (times a billion) this post! And I can only imagine how hilarious this series is going to be! Such sweet and funny advice for Harper :)

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  • http://thehomesickness.blogspot.com/ erin a.

    i’ve had shingles twice, the first time when i was 19!  worst shit ever.    

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  • http://twitter.com/DiscoveryStreet Ruthy T.

    I’m super paranoid about running out of gas…its a wierd crazy fear.

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  • quietlyis

    *raises hand raises hand*
    shingles at 19. freshman year, away from home, two weeks before christmas and, wait for it, finals week.

    we should start a club! we could make jackets, or sweaters with a little patch!

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  • http://www.dreamstodo.com/ Ariel @ Dreams To Do

    OMG! Dying right now! Best life lesson ever. Sorry about the shingles. My daughter had it when she was just 1.5 years old. So sad.

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  • http://jamieandsam.blogspot.com/ Sam Ellison

    Bahaha! I love this. Not your misfortune, but you know what I mean. I used to run out of gas when I was a teenager, but it was because my mom gave me her hand-me-down car with a broken gas gauge. Yes, I had to keep track of my miles and kind of guess when I needed gas. That was fun.

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  • Carolyn Kipper

    Hilarious and awful at the same time. Who gets shingles at 19!? So are you immune to them now??

    I push my car to below the line every time. For some reason I have it in my head that if Kramer could drive on empty for like 80 miles, I can make it just “a few more minutes”. Yes, I learn everything from Seinfeld. The other day I was driving to a session, the thing said empty when I left our house, but I decided to see if I could make it to Centralia on empty (an hour away)…cause you know, I’m a genius like that. Well I didnt make it. I pulled off to a gas station south of Olympia and realized that OHSHIT I had forgotten my wallet. No joke. All I had was a checkbook. I went inside, they didnt accept checks. SHIT. I frantically called everyone I knew (or just Mike) and of course he didnt answer. Finally this lady offered to lend me her $20 bill if I wrote her a $20 check. Yes, a total stranger.

    I made it to the session early and all the way back home on that $20 of gas! 

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  • http://babybabylemon.com/ Amy

    This is super amazing advice! My dad gave me two peices of advice that have always stuck with me 1) always get gas at a quarter tank and 2) never charge something you can’t pay off at the end of the month.  He was wise and I have never run out of gas.

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  • Josie

    aww mandy, I still let me gas go untill the very end. I just absoultetly HATE getting gas too. I also had a ran out of gas and no cell phone on the freeway adventure (at the time nightmare) and it was raining, hard. I had to wave me arms like a crazy person on the side of the road until someone stopped. And there were big ass trucks driving by spraying me with water, and yes i was crying. You would think I learned my lesson. Nope.

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  • Hoops_118

    My husband had shingles in college and we always make fun of him for it. hahahha. In addition to not letting your tank get low, please Harper, call in sick when you have shingles. :) xo

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  • http://www.thecurlycues.com/ Chelsea @The Curly Cues

    You are my favorite. I might have to do the same for my girl(s!!). PS: Shingles. Sick. I mean, sorry you had to endure that…

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  • http://www.pecklife.com/ Emily @ PeckLife.com

    well, i’ve never had shingles but i sure do the same thing with gas! that is a yucky story but hopefully one harper will remember for ever and ever! good job mama!

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  • http://bringingupbaby.tumblr.com/ jss

    This one time [at band camp] [except not really] [but srsly, can you ever finish that phrase with anything other than "at band camp"?], I decided I need to know just how far I could go with my car before it ran out of gas.  I decided it was critically important for me to know where the little dial hand would be when the gas hit empty because I am a chronic gas-filler-upper-procrastinator.  So I ran a bunch of errands close to home and finally ran out of gas literally 4 houses away from mine. I got my roommate to help me push my car down the street to our house and then had him drive me to the gas station to grab a gallon of gas for my car.

    Short story long, I think Harper eventually running out of gas wouldn’t be the *worst* thing in the world.  Just teach her to do it responsibly.  And not have shingles at the time.  And do it on purpose.  And be close to home.

    You know what?  Your idea is better.  Don’t let her run out of gas ever.

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  • http://lilaccitymomma.com Hanan – Lilac City Momma

    I had shingles just last year. It sucked. And made me feel like an old person.

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  • Heidi

    Oh goodness. I’m so glad you’re telling Harper this story. I should probably tell my children about all the times I didn’t get gas because I thought I was going to be late for work. And how I ended up being REALLY late instead. ha!

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  • kristen

    favorite post in Haps history.

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  • http://www.justlove.ly/ JustLovelyThings

    I feel like this is just solid advice for us all =)

    beteedubs i had to google shingles… my advice dont hit the images button ok.

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  • http://thebeeskneesbaby.blogspot.com Just J

    I’m so in love with this post. I also adore the fact that you formed an opinion of the stranger who gave you a ride based on the fact that she drove a Volvo and had curlers in her hair! 

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  • Rachel @Harding Happenings

    Haha! This is an epic story of what not to do. I do the same…don’t we all?! Hope Mizz H learns from you. ;)

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  • sarahracine

    My BMW (aka liar liar pants on fire) once told me I had 7 miles left and guess which 33 year old had to call her daddy and ask him if he had a little gas he could spare? And it was on a toll road.  And I told him the wrong on ramp.  I’m lame.  You’re right. Just get the gas.

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  • katie

    I HAD SHINGLES WHEN I WAS 19 TOO! my doctor was kind of a giant asshole about it, so i felt like a leper & literally stayed in bed til they went away. ugh.

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  • http://twitter.com/LenaLoves2011 Leena

    I totally do the same thing with the gas, knock on wood, I’ve never ran out. But I routinely start my car on the little golden light. My husband HATES that I do this. But I figure if the car weighs less with out gas, better mileage! 

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  • bookworm81

    Fwiw you should completely empty your tank at least every couple of times. If you always fill it up when there is still 1/4 tank left (which is what I did when I started driving because my mom was always almost running out of gas) you build up a sludge in the bottom of your gas tank which is (obviously) not good. Or so sayeth my BIL (who paid his way through college by working as a mechanic and still spends all his leisure time fixing cars). 

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  • Sarah Eliz

    you, Mandy, are comic genius. thanks for smacking me in the face with some serious hilarity.

    p.s. i just love that you’ve taught sweet Harper to say, “and I’m smart, too!”. if only twenty-somethings could get away with that!

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  • http://whoorl.com/ Whoorl

    JUST GET THE GAS, MAN. So true. So very true.

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  • Jess

    This is so cute.  I, too, wait a ridiculous amount of time to fill up my gas tank…  It’s so stupid and lazy, yet I don’t really see myself changing any time soon.  :-/  In fact, I drove home last night with my gas light on and as I parked, I thought, “I’ll fill up tomorrow.”  So, today I’ll start my car & be greeted by the gas light.  As always.

    And OMG, my mom used to say, “And she’s smart, too!” when I was little & someone complimented my looks.  (I hadn’t though about that for a long time until I read this post & had a flashback.)  It is such a small thing, but it really sends a strong message to girls (and boys, too, but you know) that their worth isn’t tied to their looks.

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    Jess Reply:
    July 14th, 2012 at 6:43 am

    BTW, when I said “This is so cute,” I meant to also mention that it’s hilarious.  It’s a little cute, but mostly hilarious.  I wasn’t saying your shingles were cute.

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  • http://www.byebyebitters.com/ Helena Butters

    A “friend” had shingles at 25. So, it happens. Poor you, though.. and hilarious!

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  • http://stephsnaptimenotes.blogspot.com/ Steph

    Love this! (your hilarious post, NOT the fact that you had shingles.) Harper is a lucky girl. :)

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