Posted on | January 24, 2013 | 42 Comments
Today I read a post by my pal Melissa that really hit close to home for me. Her post, here, is basically laying out her perceived flaws she has noticed in herself while parenting her 3 year old. It’s no secret if you’ve read around here long enough, that 3 was pretty rough for us. Everyone always talks about the Terrible Twos – but for us, two was pretty wonderful considering. Three is where the crazy tantrums, attitude and general bi-polar behavior kicked in. Three also comes with amazing things – a developing sense of humor, cute antics and a huge fun vocabulary that helps you just relate and communicate better. Three is a whirlwind. Three is full of wine.
Besides the fact that I could relate with almost every point Melissa made about herself as a parent, I was also happy to see someone be so honest about their parenting struggles. Much of blogging and the social media related to it tends to show the highlights of our lives. Which, to an extent, it should. I mean, I don’t have much interest in following an Instagram feed where every photo is sad or depressing, or photos of a child throwing a tantrum or anything. It’s natural for us to post happy things, happy times, and it’s natural for us to enjoy following those things and read about them. Positivity is good. But sometimes you’re having a shit-all day of parenting and you’re at the end of your rope (and feeling guilty for feeling so) and you just wonder if anyone else has had a similar day. Check IG. Nope, everyone’s children are happy and bathed in perfect natural light. Drink more wine.
( I actually follow hundreds of down to earth parents on IG who keep it real, but you know what I mean).
I think it all (unfortunately) stems back to mommy-wars (in the case of moms who blog and share online). Everyone is so afraid of others thinking life is perfect, motherhood is perfect, it doesn’t phase us and it isn’t hard. That is such a huge disservice to each other as women. Motherhood IS hard. It’s wonderful and fulfilling but hot damn, it’s not always a walk in the park. I think many of us are afraid of talking about the hard side for fear of the sanctimommy (don’t give me that red line, computer, that is a REAL word) making us feel less-than. There is always, especially on the internet, someone waiting to make themselves feel better by bashing parenting methods. I see it everywhere and it’s depressing. It’s well and alive in real-life, too, don’t get me wrong. It’s why I don’t have very many mom friends outside of the internet – I can’t take the pressure. I give my kid sugar, she watches television, she drank formula most of her infant life, etc etc etc. I’m perfectly content with all of my choices, but have a hard time not punching people in the face if they have a problem with it is the thing. Because if one thing in this life is true, it’s that I literally, literally could not care ANY less about how you raise your child. Therefor, it’s impossible for my brain to comprehend why anyone would care about how I’m raising mine. Alas!
I will say, as Harper has gotten older, it has been easier to brush off seeing people’s opinions on parenting. I laugh when I see people spew their passive aggressiveness because, get a grip. I’m confident as a mom (you know, for the most part) and mostly see hurtful comments to others or myself as that persons problem. But when I think back to how seeing things like that made me feel when Harper was an infant, when I was vulnerable and unsure, I feel badly for new moms. I’ve tried to be open with my struggles here in hopes that others could know that we are in the same boat: these tiny people are crazy. But I thought Melissa’s post was really great, very open, and thought it deserved to be shared.
As always, thanks for listening.