Let’s not do that again.

Posted on | March 4, 2013 | 30 Comments

Remember last Monday when I was all “wheeeeee life is neat and look at me doin’ stuff and makin’ stuff happen! LIFE! YEAH!”. Well the thing is is that internet jinxing is real and alive on this internet. And the universe heard me and made sure I don’t get too braggy again any time soon.

Wednesday morning, after feeling pretty wonderful for quite a few days in a row, I woke up with that familiar queezy feeling. I was able to ignore it long enough to help Harper get ready for school, let the dog outside, and get them both food. I was in my bathroom getting myself presentable enough to drive through the valet line (best. thing. ever. invented.) when Harper came running in to tell me that Lulu (the french bulldog) had thrown up. OH YES! JUST WHAT I LOVE TO HEAR IN THE MORNING! When I came out to assess the situation, it immediately sent me into a gagging and then of course, vomiting fit. And to top it all off, she had done it on my favorite chair.

I sent off multiple SOS texts to my husband, for no reason other than to have someone to tell the horror to. Dog Barf. So gross. I can’t do this. OH MY GOD BABE THIS DOG NO. After some time of gathering myself, deep breaths, getting dressed etc, I knew I had to bite the bullet and clean it up. When I returned to the scene of the crime I realized…it was poop. Poopvom. (When I later told my mom this story she was like “Oh no, it came out of both ends at the same time?!” and I was like, “no no, she ate poop and then barfed it” to which her reaction was as horrified as one would expect). I could NOT. The only thing I could do was open the back slider and remove that chair from my house, light 6 candles and think of ginger candy and sour patch kids, because EFF THAT. You don’t clean up poopvom then resume sitting on that chair. No.

2012March14 053Needs cone of shame.

The week only got better from there, when Harper’s ear infections returned (after 10 days of antibiotics), both Scot and I became sick, and well basically not a lot else needs to go wrong when you add those things up. Really sick kid screaming out in the middle of the night in pain, an ill husband and a sick pregnant lady who just wants to take copious amounts of nyquil with a hot toddy chaser but is denied those things = not fun. Can we point out, while we’re on the complain train, that urgent care is exactly and precisely the opposite of urgent? Entertaining a sick 4 year old who can’t hear for over and hour and half while you and your spouse are sick is like the 7th level of hell.

So with the exception of sitting at “urgent” care and making Harper a “costume” for Dr. Seuss day at school, my weekend was spent complaining about how pregnant people can’t take anything good and trying to sleep. I couldn’t actually take H in today because of all the near dying (my lymph-nodes are so swollen I could barely turn my neck – so fancy), but I did manage to get her looking like her request, the Lorax.

Lorax“Mama, at snack time I’m going to say ‘I’m going to eat this, but I’m highly offended by it!”

I know there are worse weeks we could have had, but it blew. It’s a moon thing or something right? Let’s go with that.

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Comments

  • Michelle

    Poopvom!!! Lorax = cutest thing ever.

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  • http://twitter.com/babyrabies Jill Krause

    All of that? Well, except for Harper as the Lorax… BUT THE REST OF IT is crap. Boo on the crappy weekend! Hope you feel better soon.

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  • http://twitter.com/Nanette Nanette

    Right there with ya! I’d like to find a time machine, go back a week or so, and burn it in a fire. The plague in this house is awful. I’m so ready for my baby to be healthy. P.S. Harper is zee cutest!

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  • Ava

    That sucks! Hope you all feel better soon… Something going around in Sea-Tac area, my entire family is down as well…

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  • http://twitter.com/brakspants Brittany – Germama!

    There are few things worse than taking care of small children whilst feeling like balls. Feel better soon!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/lishyloo Alisha Marie Adams-Olcott

    man, your blog just makes me lol all the time. poopvom!! also, fuck “morning” sickness. it’s a level of hell, it is.

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  • Miya

    Okay, I have to admit that I was feeling pretty sorry for your sickness, doggy… “situation” and inability to take the good meds… emphasis on the “was”. When I scrolled down to the photo? All sympathy went out of the window.. because… you know? Harper? With a giant Lorax mustache. Seriously? Nothing can be wrong in the world when you put Harper in a giant Lorax mustache.

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  • lilmuselily

    well, mercury is in retrograde again so yes, you can blame it on that. i know i do.
    poopvom….i think i would have vomited all over the place. i can’t with poop and i can’t with vomit.
    as far as Harper’s ear infections, you have probably tried this but in case you haven’t, garlic drops from the health food store. some drops three times a day does the trick. your kid will be sure to fight the vampires but supposedly the garlic fights the bacteria in the ear. it worked on Lily.
    hope this week is better for you and i totally believe in internet jinx. which is why i hardly brag about Lily.

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    Jo Reply:

    Yes to the garlic oil!

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    lms Reply:

    omg, totally to the garlic oil. and if you’re too sick to get to the store, olive oil works just as well.

    also: you can take melatonin if you can’t sleep. hell, my obgyn told me i could take benadryl, which i thought was kind of crazy, but i took it anyway. my son is almost three and all the way awesome, so there’s that…

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  • liz

    poopvom just made me die a little inside. thankfully, harper’s pic made it all better :) just a side note… when i was pregos and went through a particularly horrible bout of insomnia, my dr. ok’d taking unisom. it’s category b. not sure how you feel about meds while pregs but it helped a great deal and i wouldn’t wake up feeling all wonky. i mean it’s not nyquill & a hot toddy but…

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  • http://www.thekammerzells.com/ Nakia

    I’m not even going to address the poopvom because, seriously. I just can’t.

    But…the being deathbed sick while pregnant? Totally blows. Especially when you are so congested, your head feels like its going to explode every time you sneeze.

    Harper as Lorax is adorable. Twinkling eyes and mustaches. Love it!

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  • Sonya

    I’m so sorry! Poopvom would make me totally gag and I’m not pregnant. And I also text my hubs while he’s at work when horrible things happen like, ‘the kid just peed on our couch!’ or ‘the dog just rolled in something unspeakable!!!’. That Lorax costume is adorbs!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.murray.946 Kelly Murray Gardner

    ack- definitely the moon. Poopvom, sickness of the 8th ring of hell all made adorable by the Lorax. Way to wrap it up!

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  • http://littleorangebigworld.blogspot.com/ Nani

    I would have died… literally there was just coming back from that chair.. just no way. Luckily the lorax costume just filled me with happiness so I could almost forget about the beginning without gagging.

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  • Eleanor

    OMG, I remember morning sickness (really, all the time, anytime sickness) well and it’s been 2+ years! my heart goes out to you. have you heard of garlic ear oil for ear infections? It sounds all witchy, but it works better than any antibiotic available. And not to be all hey, read my blog, BUT I wrote a post about it here: http://www.milkandhoneyonline.com/2012/06/natural-remedy-for-ear-infection.html if you’d like something that will knock that ear infection to the curb with no return. :)
    xoxo
    Eleanor

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  • http://twitter.com/ErmaBasila Erma Basila

    I felt helpless and guilty while reading this. Total cringefest over here about the poopvom, but it made me laugh a little. Sorry about your favorite chair. :( I hope you feel better soon!

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  • http://tidbitsparenting.blogspot.com/ OTandET

    Our frenchie, Georgia, may she rest in peace in a land of frozen catpoop truffles, was the Queen poop-vommer. I so feel you on this one. We’re all dying of the plague over here too and since I’m BF’ing I can’t zzzquil or have even a beer either. It blows! The moon can suck it. Just a virtual hug? Virtual gin and tonic hug? Yeah?

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  • Janelle D

    Ugh, that sounds like the most awful week. Who knew poopvom was a thing? Not me. Side note: Harper’s comments crack me up!

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  • Tina

    I’m currently sitting in our university’s media room avoiding doing media things and deciding whether to laugh or cry at the thought of poopvom. I’m sorry. It’s gross. But…it’s also kind of the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.

    Also, Harper is the cutest Lorax!

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  • http://arms-wide-open.squarespace.com arms wide open

    i’m so sorry but i laughed OUT LOUD at the poop vom. OMG. I cannot even imagine. Hate to admit i would have physically hurt that dog.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephanie-Nelsen/1534839672 Stephanie Nelsen

    at least she didn’t puke so hard it popped her eyeball out. happened to a friend’s french, presley, …thousands of dollars and surgeries later – presley is fine! harper as the lorax is beyond awesome! what a fun kid :)

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  • http://twitter.com/LunaKatt Kristie

    First of all I want to say I’m sorry: sorry that you’re sick and your husband is sick and that your extremely adorable daughter is sick. All that sucks the big one. Having said that, I do hope you’ll excuse me for having laughed at the {not funny} poopvom. And for this: “You don’t clean up poopvom then resume sitting on that chair.”

    And the look on Lulu’s face…awesome.

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  • Danielle

    Ahh noo! I hope you are feeling better. Nothing is worse then being pregnant and sick..and having to deal with poopvom too! Sending you a huge hug sweet friend.
    Good thing Harper is THE cutest child in the world.

    xoxo

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  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine A.

    UGH. I’m SO sorry!!! Sending “I really hope things get MUCH better FAST” vibes.

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  • Nataliya

    Oh god that sounds terrible. I’m so sorry and I hope things get back to how they were in your last post. Sending love your way.

    PS: I’m so sorry but I cant stop laughing at your mom’s comment. lol. lol. I know I know. It must’ve been terrible but your mom is funny, I like her:D

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  • http://ohgollyholly.tumblr.com/ Holly Aletha Rouse

    with four dogs in one house, i know how this whole thing goes. i cannot imagine dealing with it while pregnant. GAH. GAG. BLEH. i probably wouldn’t have even…touched it. i would’ve just gone upstairs and ignored it! haha! hopefully you’ll have another “yay, life!” moment soon…as a person who is seemingly perpetually sick, i can attest to the fact that laughter is kinda sorta the best (psychological) medicine…unless of course you’re not pregnant. then i would suggest (prescription) drugs. ha! joking? maybe? maybe laughter isn’t exactly the best medicine…hmm…i kinda think sarcasm tops laughter. good luck with all the sick! bleh.

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  • http://twitter.com/hopefulrebecca Rebecca Murphy

    I’m sorry. It feels wrong to have just laughed as hard as I did, since we don’t know each other and this is literally my first exposure to your blog. But good gracious, that was hysterical and oh so wrong. I hope you are feeling better and the chair is… recoverable. Thank you for the chuckle. I promise to blog about something really bad that others can laugh at to make up for this bad behavior on my part. :)

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  • http://asortafairytaleblog.com/ mandy @a sorta fairytale

    Oh gosh, this sounds ALL too familiar!! When I was 25 weeks pregnant with Easton, we had just moved into our new house and 2 weeks later ALL 3 of us got the stomach flu (barfing our guts out for DAYS) and then to top if off, my dog wasn’t adjusting to the new house well and was peeing/pooing everywhere. It was a disaster and horrible. {Ugh}. I’m so sorry… I know how sucky it is. I hope things start going your way from here on out!!

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  • Erika Hopkins

    Oh my gosh! I can’t even imagine having to clean that up….much less being pregnant and having to clean it up! I was SO sick when I was pregnant with my son (who is now 20 months), so I completely sympathize. I threw up multiple times into an airsick bag while we were landing….yeah that was humbling. Lol.

    Also, I love the Lorax costume! My son LOVES that movie.

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