Posted on | November 10, 2013 | 84 Comments
I started this blog almost 5 years ago, when Harper was almost the exact age as Smith is right now. I wanted a place to drop all my thoughts about motherhood, share photos and stories with our family who couldn’t be here, and have a virtual baby book for my new daughter. It fulfilled my love for writing, introduced to me over time to some incredible people, and was just a fun hobby for me as a new stay at home mom who was pretty lonely. Blogging came into my life right when I needed it.
Over the years my blog grew, evolved, ebbed, flowed. I hit weird spots. I had opportunities come my way I couldn’t believe (or sometimes understand!) were being extended to me. Sometimes my head got big. Other times I felt small, in many ways. I tried lots of things, and I could because it was mine. I can quite literally say I met some of my very best friends because of this space. I was a stay at home mom and wife, but being Mandy from Harper’s Happenings was almost as big of a part of my life. I watched blogging change. More recently, the changes I’ve seen, coupled with the huge changes in my own life, have slowed this place to a stop. I have things to write, but no time to write them. Sometimes, the desire is missing, too. I’m just not sure about blogging anymore. I’m sure that has been apparent, with my absence here.
I’m not sure if there is an easy way to say you’re going to stop doing something that you once loved so much. It’s not like I have to “quit blogging”. The beauty of blogging is there aren’t too many rules. Can I open up my WordPress dashboard whenever I’d like and get going again? Of course. Do I think that scenario is going to happen anytime in the near future? No I don’t.
I told Scot a few weeks ago that I didn’t want to blog anymore. I felt a huge weight lifted immediately. That sounds so dramatic and douchey! and for that I’m sorry, but it’s true. This place has been a part of me nearly the entire time I’ve been a mother. I’ve loved sharing stories about my life so much. To say I don’t have the desire to really do that here anymore feels weird. I’m tired of stats, numbers, people trying to climb some invisible ladder to nowhere. It’s changed. I miss the old days. It’s time for me to stop for now.
There are so many of you who have invested your time in our life. Almost 5 years of an actual relationship formed. A relationship that can’t even really be labeled. Writer to reader? Sure. But it’s more than that. To me, it’s something special, and I can’t really thank you enough. For listening, for understanding, for laughing at my stupid jokes, for your emails, for telling me when I was being an idiot, for walking down this insane path with me. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be the person I am today without this blog. I just wouldn’t. It’s taught me a lot about myself (so much!), connected me with people I never would have had the pleasure of knowing. Given me crazy opportunities I never would have had. I was in a Levi’s commercial for fucks sake! Who does that.
My kids (!!!) are the center of my world. Harper is FIVE. Smith is almost 3 months old and time is flying. I know I will struggle with wanting to document this time, and I should probably save for his therapy bills since I wrote an entire blog about his sister for 5 years and then quit when he was born. Luckily there is Instagram, and as much as it blows that it’s basically replaced blogging, that is what I have time for right now. Small snippets of our everyday life. I feel better knowing I’ll have that documentation if I can’t have this blog. I’m @teammandy if you want to follow along over there. Lots of times I feel like Instagram feels like blogging used to – close knit, supportive, more reciprocating. Sharing a photo here and there takes minutes. Blogging, and what it has turned into, takes much, much more in both time and effort.
I’ve felt like closing this place up countless times over the years, but this time I know it’s the real deal. Being a mom to two little people who need me leaves me no time to keep it up. They deserve all of me for these short, short years where they are small. I don’t want to miss my opportunity, and I’m sure I will struggle with wanting to document it all vs. holding those memories in just for me. But they are all that matters. It will be over before I know it, and I refuse to let anything get in the way of being present with them.
Thank you all for everything. You – this place – will be missed.
Andy Cooper forever! And ever.