this happened to me last year right before BlogHer, too. i started questioning blogging, feeling like i didn’t want to do it anymore, didn’t feel inspired, etc. after i returned i had a new love of blogging, having met tons of women who were full of the asskickery and friends i had made because of the blog. i felt refreshed and renewed. i was reminded of why i do this. i suppose it’s only natural to go through these ebbs and flows in blogging. i suppose it’s called finding your voice?
i feel like this time around, it’s not that i’m uninspired or tired of blogging. it’s that i feel like i’m too inspired and have no real direction. the part of me who started this blog with no intentions whatsoever tells me i need no direction. it’s my space, i can do what i want and all that jazz. this blog started the way thousands of other blogs do – to keep family and friends up to date on the monkey who expelled itself from my nether regions (good morning!). it’s been over 2 years since i started it and things have really changed. as much as i love sharing stories about Harper and being a mom, she’s getting to the age where i personally don’t feel comfortable talking about her as much. someday, sooner rather than later, i probably won’t talk about her at all. what will i talk about? how will Harper’s Happenings keep going? these are questions i ask myself, too.
i enjoy playing around with my style, um finding my style, and trying to inspire others to get dressed in things they like. but it’s not like i want to have a full on fashion blog. at the end of the day (lets be real for a second) the majority of my wardrobe is from target and goodwill. i have no idea WHAT i’m doing. i simply get dressed and hope it looks good. i really enjoy reading style blogs (a lot a lot a lot) but i personally could never have one for the simple fact i just wouldn’t feel right doling out advice about fashion. however, i couldn’t be more stoked about SOS and what it’s done for both how i feel about clothes and, if i may be so bold, the way it’s made other women feel about clothes. i love that i have a style “segment” if you will, but changing the Haps to a style blog is not something i would ever want to do (or could do in good conscience. hello.)
being a mom is the biggest most prominent part of my life. what would i write about if not Harper? will people be interested in me? one of the first things i get when i show up to a places alone is “where is Harper?” (i love that people love my chitlin that much, makes me smile every time). would the online equivalent of that happen here? and moreso – would i care if it did? she is definitely my little muse – maybe if i take her out of the big picture, blogging just won’t seem as important anymore.
the days i want to close up shop here are the ones where i see the reality of people shine through and it’s not particularly pretty. i have felt lately like there are a lot of fake people, people pleasers, users, etc. there are days i get sick of trying to figure out who is who and what person is legit and real and cares. sometimes i think i have that figured out but then i’m proven wrong. it’s all a bit much sometimes, so those are the days i simply do not exist online. offline i know who is real and who matters and who cares and those are the only important ones.
the days i can’t believe i even think about quitting the internet are the ones where i read something so good i stand up and pump my fist because my brain is so happy to have read it. the days where i share parts of myself more than just photos and cute stories and someone can relate and tells me so. the days when i read someone’s post and i relate so much i have to tell them. the days where i get a text from someone i only know because of the internet and can’t imagine not knowing them. shutting this mother down could mean not meeting other people i know i’m supposed to meet. or do i already know enough people? maybe too many people?
i have gotten much better lately at simply removing people i don’t enjoy or who seem fake from my online life. unsubscribe, unfollow or just stop speaking to. who has the time? i would hope that if my readers stopped liking my content they would do the same (seriously, why torture yourself?) and not stick around because they felt they had to. but i was doing that on some blogs, etc. not anymore. if it’s not my cup of tea, i’m not drinking it. no need for anyone to get huffy puffy – people change and so do tastes. let’s just let people leave quietly without berating them. your number of followers has NOTHING to do with your worth as a person, a writer, a blogger, anything. blogs in general should be entertainment. if you’re not entertained, made to think, inspired, etc, then peace out and don’t feel the least bit bad about it. further more, it’s entirely possible to like someone and not like their blog. and vice versa! you may feel a connection with me (ooh lala) but come to find you can’t stand the fact that i don’t use capital letters. no hard feelings if you need to bounce. promise.
thinking about blogging and my place in it has been very humbling. i cringe when i think of my early reviews and giveaways, asking for votes in things that didn’t matter (but they did to me at the time), and other things i thought i was supposed to do. the thing about blogging and the reason it’s so great is there is no blueprint. but it’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing and feel you’re supposed to do it, too. looking back, i know my mistakes, but i’ve learned from them. i will continue to make mistakes because i’m human and this space is no different from my real life – i’m learning as i go.
(this massive word vomit post for example, maybe i will regret it later. learning and junk!)
the bottom line is i love blogging. i love the people i know because of it, the fun opportunities it has brought me. i love having a place i can be me and share my life – the good and the bad – and put my pent up creativity to use. i love that i have a baby book of sorts for the nugget. i love that it has helped me figure out who i am and what i should be doing, and i love that people can come here and relate, start conversations and find other people they may connect with. the bad times in blogging are still far outweighed by the good. so i can’t in good faith quit. i’d miss it all too much.
you know how sometimes you just need to get it all out into the universe? that is what this post has been for me. it’s been in my drafts half written, then 3/4′s written, and if all goes well, i will finally hit publish. who knows. maybe it’s one of those letters you write but never send. that would be ok, too. i just needed to acknowledge and throw out how i’ve been feeling. i hoped i’d come home from BlogHer feeling ZOMGINSPIRED! and delete this post draft, but that didn’t happen. BH did reiterate to me that i’m supposed to be here, but these feelings of confusion still lingered. hopefully vomiting all of this into the blogosphere will do the trick.
if not…life goes on, right?
here, enjoy this regardless:
p.s. thanks for being here. you’re cheaper, and sweeter, than therapy.
so i’m home. my suitcase? it is a scary, scary place. my feet, they are busted. my heart, it misses my friends that live in my computer, because they are totally back in my computer now. and unfortunately that means it is exponentially harder to hug them. but i am home. i survived, sans a few wounds which we can discuss later.
our room was gorgeous.
i wish i could gush for paragraphs about how inspired i am, how it changed my outlook on blogging, how i have grand plans about how to move forward but the truth is i just can’t. i had an amazing time, but the thing that my trip reiterated the most for me was that this IS what i’m supposed to be doing and these are the people i’m supposed to be meeting because of it. i can’t imagine any other situation where complete strangers, and people who’ve only ever met one other time, can come together and feel like we’ve know each other for years without the slightest bit of awkwardness. you just hug, and the fun begins. it’s a phenomenon i cannot explain.
no more than 20 minutes after we first met, Jamie and i. i love her like woah.
the place is filled to the brim with incredibly inspiring women who know what the hell they’re doing and do it well. but there are also tons of people who are there for the free shiz, who simply want to pimp their blog, and many who only want to talk to you if you’re “big” (which is relative, so it makes no damn sense). i had one person come up to introduce themselves, looked at my badge and simply said they had never heard of me. end of conversation. i wish i were joking, but i’m not. which is why the experience for me is more about people who, you know, aren’t assholes.
(also this is the evening i clearly got married and let all my bridesmaids pick their own dresses)
the sessions i hit up were good. one in particular made me cry. it’s like the whole session was made for me and how i’ve been feeling about my corner of the internet lately. the panel said what i needed to hear and i’m so very grateful i chose that one. i was lucky enough to attend a lunch on friday and listen to a discussion with Liz, Kristen, Alice and Eden. highlight of my trip for sure. and i’m not gonna front for one second: Jill from Scary Mommy remembered me from last year and that in itself made my life a little bit.
the parties were good, some were more gooder than others. we got ripped off by a pedicab driver (peddler?) and we walked a lot. a venti americano cost almost five dollars, which was jarring. but overall? it was great. i’ve made a few lists to help convey my feelings.
highlights (the good parts!)
> our room. balcony, awesome beds, room for 4 girls and all their junk. plus a pull out one night on top of it all.
> wine in our room (please watch this video that Morgan took. i’m totally the one in the chair).
> bloody mary’s. all day every day.
> coming 2 days pre-conference so we could all hang out together before we got down to business (i’m not sure if we ever really ended up getting down to business though).
> we made a rad flip book at the Clever Girls party that makes me pee everytime i look at it.
> pedicab ride, pre-being scammed.
> the toy book party, where i scored a poopload of presents for Harper.
> meeting a few longtime readers who i adore (hi Hilary! hi Hanan! hi Nanette!)
> sparklecorn.
> finally meeting Mama Kat, who is practically my neighbor.
> fleeting heart to hearts with Jamie.
> cakepops every where you turned. srsly, they are the new cupcakes.
> charlie and andy.
> loving and feeling loved. and understood. and accepted.
lowlights (no bueno!)
> the conference was a small hike from the hotel. after 2 days it was a bit much.
> first mornings breakfast was yum – bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, sausage. second morning? the morning after sparklecorn? OATMEAL. we had to hoof it like a mile and half to find out it was OATMEAL. the rage, it’s ragey.
> night one, i managed to punch my own self in the face while trying to pull up the covers (can we not even go there please?) and got a bloody face wound. i then got to cover it up for the following 4 days resulting in an angry face wound. who does this?
> i missed the Bloggess.
> i missed a crapload of people i wanted to meet.
> i got a weird feeling from a lot of people. lots of sassypants pooptalkery. luckily i used my legs to walk away. fast.
> travel constipation (let’s be real).
> having to leave.
if this post seems a little whackadoo magoo, it’s because my BlogHer 11 experience was just that. crazy. all over the place. ADD to the max. it wasn’t worse than last year but it wasn’t better. i’m sure as i add more BH notches to my geek belt, i will remember certain things from each and take new things away from every year. this year i will remember the people who made it special. my people.
i still came away with the urge to tell everyone, all of you, to go. bite the bullet, pull up your big girl panties, start the savings account for New York next year and GO. this experience is what you make of it. you control your BlogHer. you have the power. but you can only wield it if you’re there. so…see you in 2012?
today is pretty good day to post this video as tomorrow morning i leave for san diego to go to BlogHer thanks to my wonderful sponsor Mott’s. like i said in the video, you guys can participate as well by uploading videos of your own munchkins answering the question “what is the best advice your mom ever gave you?” to the Mott’s facebook page. simply click here, like the page and check out the Mom Knows Best tab!
i’m off tomorrow morning so this place will be pretty quiet. with the exception of a super fun guest host for Steppin’ Out Saturday (don’t miss it just because i won’t be here:)), the Haps will be on lock down. you can follow my tweets of course, but a lot of it will just be squee’s and junk. if that is your sort of thing, join me! otherwise i will see you guys next week with lots of stories and photos.
the time has come my friends – time for those of you going to BlogHer to start freaking out, getting pumped, feeling anxious and all that fun stuff (and for those of you who aren’t going or don’t know what it is to start blocking those of us who are. it’s ok, i won’t take it (too) personally). the countdown is officially on and i thought i’d share a few style tips and other advice with those of you who haven’t been. sure, i’m no expert (i have one notch on my belt) but i did love reading posts last year as i was in the throes of my INSANE FREAKOUT sessions. the more you know, right?
i’ve had lots of people ask me about clothes. i’ve seen hundreds of tweets and several blog posts freaking out about what to wear. and i completely understand. last year i bought a new outfit for every day and a new dress for each party. because i was insane with anxiety. this year? no. just no. with the exception of a new dress and possibly a new top, i will be shopping my closet for all my BlogHer needs. because you guys? listen very closely: it’s not about clothes. it’s about making connections, seeing those friends you’ve made through the wonderful world of blogging face to face (and hugging them so hard it hurts), learning what you can to make your blog more you, and possibly a little bit about dancing and drinking wine until you deface the unicorn cake. please, for the love of johnny depp, put effort into what you wear because you like clothes and find joy in getting dressed only – not because anyone there will give one iota about what you’re wearing. i ensure you, they will not.
allison, myself, mae, jenna & morgan at Martha Stewart headquarters. if not for photographs, i’d have no clue what they wore.
so! lets talk daytime. the conference rooms can be cool, so i suggest you bring a cardigan that will match anything. last year i did a fun tank, jeans, flats and cardigan both days. easy. another option is a comfy day dress, cardigan and flats or sandals. how about leggings, a tunic, flats and a cardigan? see the pattern? FLATS. when people say you are going to be walking around all day like a maniac, they aren’t kidding. this isn’t the time to try out a new pair of shoes. your path may look something like this: hotel room, breakfast, session, hotel room, lunch, expo hall, session, lunch, find a starbucks, session, hotel room, party, dinner, hotel bar, party off site, hotel room…you get it. comfy shoes.
here are a few outfits i pulled from my closet.
cotton top, jeans, comfy flats, fun but simple accessories. (shirt: gap, jeans: old navy, flats: target, bracelet: target, necklace, F21)
ruffles! again, cute top, same jeans (save packing space), cute flats, pretty big bracelet. (top: old navy, flats: charlotte russe, bracelet: boutique i can’t remember – apologies)
comfy day dress, sandals, bracelet and cardigan (that ta-da! matches the previous outfits so i could throw it over any of these). (dress: h&m, sandals: thrifted, cardi: target, bracelet: target)
how about a skirt? fun print, add a plain fitted tank, light weight scarf and flats. again, throw that cardi over it if you’re chilly in the conference rooms. (tank & flats: target, scarf: h&m, skirt: F21)
with airlines charging for checked bags, it’s important you choose versatile pieces that you can mix and match. besides, you’ll need that precious extra space for swag. last year i admittedly brought two suitcases (but i was staying for about 4 days past the conference), one packed lightly so i could stuff it with swag. i stuffed, i left what i didn’t want (you can swap with others or leave it at the swag station where others can grab what you didn’t want) and still had to leave some things with my cousin to keep. they do have a shipping station, which is hopefully better than last year. i still like to be in charge of my own stuff, because i’m a weirdo like that (as if that is news). while we’re on the subject? don’t be crazy about swag. it’s a nice perk of the conference, but don’t be that person. please.
parties! i’m bringing this dress and this dress. i’m not sure on shoes yet, but wedges will probably win. last year i wore insane shoes that were awesome and by the time i returned home i was near crippled. true story – one of my little toe nails actually gave up and peaced out on me a few weeks after i returned. no srsly.
you don’t NEED to wear fancy dresses. you’ll see people in jeans, skirts, even t-shirts. heck, i ended up with a t-shirt over my dress last year <–you’re welcome. anything goes. truly, wear what you feel comfortable in – the last thing you want to be doing is hiking up a strapless dress or hiking down a too short skirt. find something you love that feels good.
as far as sessions go, chose before hand the ones you really want to attend, but don’t put pressure on yourself to hit each block. if there isn’t one going on that you aren’t completely interested in, go hit up the expo, meet up with friends, grab coffee or even nap. don’t wear yourself out trying to get to each one, especially if you feel it doesn’t apply to you. take notes if you want but don’t try and write everything down – listening and really taking in the info that way can be more helpful than trying to get it all written down.
people! let’s remember one thing – everyone there is a blogger. the majority of us do better spilling our guts in the form of writing on the internet than face to face. most of us are extremely anxious individuals. remember that when you’re feeling that way, most everyone else is, too! if you see someone sitting alone at breakfast, sit down and introduce yourself! easy convo starter – what is your blog about? exchange cards and get to know them for a bit. you may make a new friend. in fact, you probably will. along the same lines, try not to be offended if you try and talk to someone and they are weird about it – remember this is new for a lot of people and kinda scary. also, they may be in a rush to get to a session, etc. don’t take it personally and certainly don’t let it stop you from talking to other people. you never know who you may meet!
a few random tips: don’t forget to eat, nap if you feel really tired, be sure to hit up the expo hall, exchange numbers with people you want to meet up with before hand (you may think you’ll just run into everyone you want to see – nope! i never saw a handful of people i really wanted to meet last year), drink plenty of water, oh and have fun. <—most important part.
any questions? of course there are. feel free to leave them in the comments and i will answer them for you! and since a lot of people are doing BlogHer posts – fashion, advice, nerves about going for the first time, etc – i’m making this a link up. so please! if you’ve done a BlogHer post, link it up below and if you know someone who has, send them this way. it will be awesome to have a bunch of resources for everyone in one place.
this would be a pretty good time to thank Mott’s for being my sponsor this year! i never dreamed i’d have a conference sponsorship so this is all kinds of exciting. EXCITING! LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS!
p.s. thanks for being here. you’re cheaper, and sweeter, than therapy.
