Posted on | January 11, 2012 | 139 Comments
via
last week, i had a life changing experience.
like, the heavens (or whatever) opened up, michael c. hall looked down upon me and smiled. johnny depp did a roundhouse kick while kittens licked a tattoo of a narwhal onto me as an IV drip of the most perfect americano poured into my veins.
i had my first bra fitting.
you guys. LIFE CHANGING.
those of you who have had one, or multiple even, like normal people who don’t put off things like i do, probably just threw your hands up and yelled “I KNOW RIGHT!”. those of you who are in my boat and have never had one probably just covered your boobs at the thought of having someone fit you for a bra.
i’m here to suggest demand each and every one of you run, don’t walk, your ladies into a bra fitting RIGHT MEOW.
i was one of those lucky/unlucky ones who got boobs at the age of like 9 and got to figure out how i felt about that at the same time everyone else got to figure out how they felt about that. it was terrible, awkward, and i have never had a very good relationship with my boobs because of it. i resent them for lots of reasons – they made guys oogle me, take me less seriously, and most recently, they didn’t help me feed my baby when i needed them to. they aren’t my favorite, is what i’m saying.
so i guess instead of trying to make them the best they could be, i punished them by completely ignoring what would help them kick ace. LIKE A PROPER FITTING BRA. so i bought cheap bras at target in whatever size i assumed i was.
i’ve been wearing a 38 C or D for as long as i can remember. where did i get this number? one can only guess.
so last week, i was getting my stuff packed for a very important trip where i’d be on camera a lot. i told Scot there was no way i could go do such a thing with my ladies being all sad and…well, really effing sad. so i went to nordstrom for my first ever bra fitting. at 30 years old. that is approximately 21 years of boob-life without so much as someone measuring me or telling me my cup size.
so you can imagine my surprise/horror/omgwtf-ness as my boob handler matter-of-factly told me i was a 32DDD.
::crickets::
and you can imagine her surprise/HORROR/OMGWTF-ness as i informed her that i have been wearing OH MY GOD NOT THAT SIZE for my whole life. i wasn’t sure if she was going to hit me or pass out. i can only imagine what it’s like for a boob handler to hear how terribly boobs have been mistreated and neglected. it probably hurts their heart something fierce. suddenly in my head, my boobs in a bra too large and ill fitting sadly moped across a screen while sara mcLachlan sang in the background. i had the ASPCA commercial of breast situations happening.
she couldn’t get me the right size fast enough. within minutes my sisters were holstered into the most amazing, well fitting, glorious boob holster i had ever worn. it had memory foam cups you guys. and when i heard the size of my boobs, i was terrified i’d look like some sort of adult film star with the right size bra, but NO, they looked perky and not too big at all and that is when i saw ryan gosling. and he was all “hey girl. your boobies look hot today”.
since i doubt it’s appropriate to mouth kiss a boob handler, i thanked her profusely for changing my life and promised i’d come back to her for more bras in the near future (because let’s face it, i now own ONE bra that actually fits). when i put my old bra back on to go pay and leave, i think i heard my boobs say the f word. it wasn’t until then when i realized how dire my situation had been.
i will be mortally offended if those of you who have never had a bra fitting do not heed my advice to buck up and go get one. ESPECIALLY those of you with larger sisters. your life will be altered forever. your clothes will fit differently, your boobs will look amazing and you will all around be more comfortable. please do it. for the boobies.
tips before you go: shave your armpits and pick the sales person that looks the most friendly. they don’t see everything but you are in a bra-only situation. if you’re a mom, this probably won’t even bother you as everyone and their brothers have probably seen your nipples at some point, amirite? this is actually MILD compared to pushing a crotch monkey out of your nether regions.
be prepared to be at least a little bit shocked at your actual size. i mean, i was wearing a bra SIX INCHES too big for me around the chest. and 3-4 cups sizes TOO SMALL. no wonder my boobs were BFF’s with my belly button. GET THESE TATA’S SOME SUPPORT FOR CRYING IN THE RIVER. i learned that your shoulder straps should never be at the tightest, and same with your clasps in the back. that means the whole party is too big. there is also a correct way to get into a bra that involves a little shimmy at the end so they get into place. i went to nordstrom and had a wonderful experience, but i know a lot of places do bra fittings.
ok, i’m done. i think. hope you could read the post ok over the SINGING OF MY BOOBS. they have never been so happy.
now go back and re-read taking a drink every time you see the word boob. cheers!
Posted on | November 22, 2011 | 81 Comments
please to be preparing yourself for a wordy post.
lately (a span of time which has no beginning that i can pinpoint, just you know, recently. could be 3 months, could be six, who really knows) i have been having feelings about the internet. well, i’ve had feelings about the internet for a long while of course but lately i haven’t been able to put my finger on it. we’ve talked about this before, you know, i maybe kinda sorta wanted to quit blogging, where do i take this space next, etc kind of thing. even after i typed that word vomity post into the atmosphere, the feelings? they lingered. i’ve been spending time exploring the thoughts more to try and get to the bottom.
maybe this is what happens when you start a blog with absolutely no intentions whatsoever and then it becomes something. not something huge or something well known or something life changing important. but something. something that people end up reading, enjoying, and meaning a lot to you. this blog means a lot to me. but i have lost complete sight of why in the past little while (again, a time frame i cannot pinpoint. numbers!)
so once people started reading this blog, i was like, yeah cool! people! come on over and junk. read my insane ramblings and let’s be frands! i chugged along – meeting new people, joining lists, tweeting, networking, having fun and turning this space into what took the time of a part time job. but hey, it’s fun! i love it and it’s not even like work! until one day it did feel like work. and one thing this space is not, and will not be, is my job. not to say people shouldn’t be or can’t be full time bloggers. it’s just for me, no. i’m not an expert at anything, i’m not offering much but my personal stories and documenting the things i like, people i love, feelings i feel.
i started feeling pressured, by no one but myself, to make this place awesome. i mean, people were reading! which means i need to deliver! deliver…what exactly? this is my life. our life. i have nothing to share or show but bits and pieces. so i continued to do so (and do continue to do so), but with a weird feeling in the back of my mind. always wondering if what i was saying would offend someone when i didn’t mean to. just waiting for someone to take something i said the wrong way and rip me a new one. none of this was happening, but i still feared it with every post. what the what? i had to step back and take a real honest look at the what the hell i am even doing here.
am i blogging my life, or am i living to blog?
have you ever asked yourself that question? it’s a hard one to answer, when the blog you write is such a large part of your life. what was the answer? somewhere in the middle. of course i wasn’t living to blog. i live for better things, like my daughter, my husband, my amazing family and friends, americanos and johnny depp movies. but blogging had become a huge factor in everything i did. and i was jealous of bloggers who seemed to be able to blog as a hobby (my intention all along), blog well, and not let it seep into other parts of their life. why was i always thinking about blogging?
instead of making me a better blogger, thinking about it all the time made me a worse one. i had trouble thinking of things to blog about, and felt irritable about actually opening up my wordpress and doing something. i over-thought everything. thinking about blogging was messing with my authenticity, my voice, my writing. if i’ve sounded at all confused here over the last few months to a year, it’s because i was. it took me seeing someone say that my blog had ‘jumped the shark’ to realize what the hell was going on. my blog had in fact jumped the shark.
bummer.
so what happened? all sorts of things. i panicked when i realized people were reading. at first it was cool but then it started freaking me out. i tried to move forward cool as a cucumber but in hindsight, i failed. i have not been honest with myself. i have not been honest with you, my readers. yes, i have been my authentic self in that i have showed you who i am and what means the most to me, but i have done it in the wrong way. i forced myself. i lost my voice along the way, and the only reason i haven’t up and quit since i realized this is that i know i can get back to what i meant this place to be in the beginning: a documentation of our life. regardless of what you think.
i know there are many of you who have felt this same way. about blogging yes, and probably life in general for sure. i beg of you who do blog and share your life in this way to step back and be honest with yourself. if something is pulling at you, it’s for a reason. be your truest, most authentic self. sorry to get all kinds of Oprah on you but seriously.
last week i had wine with my best friend Bree and we were talking for hours about all kinds of things, people, troubles, victories. at one point i got really heated talking about people that were bringing me down and i yelled “THIS IS MY LIFE FOR FUCKS SAKE!” and it was hearing my own voice at that moment with such emotion behind it that it all clicked. jesus people, this is our one life. this moment right now will be gone before you finish this sentence. what happens when you think of all the moments you may have wasted today alone thinking about shit that does. not. matter. depressing isn’t it? it was for me when i realized how much i worried about this space and what is to be done with it.
what is to be done with it? i can’t promise anything. i know there will be stories, writing, photos, things i love, people i love, inspiration, crafts, food…a bit of everything. sounds exactly like what it’s always been, right? yes. chances are you won’t notice a difference at all. but i will. and that is what this post is about.
being honest with ourselves is often hard. many times your head makes lots of excuses for things that you do not want to see or admit. you tell yourself lies each day, whether you know it or not. give into the truth, as Oprah and Martha Beck say, it will set you free.
(zomg though, you HAVE to watch Oprah’s Lifeclasses. run, don’t walk and all that.)
Posted on | August 19, 2011 | 123 Comments
this happened to me last year right before BlogHer, too. i started questioning blogging, feeling like i didn’t want to do it anymore, didn’t feel inspired, etc. after i returned i had a new love of blogging, having met tons of women who were full of the asskickery and friends i had made because of the blog. i felt refreshed and renewed. i was reminded of why i do this. i suppose it’s only natural to go through these ebbs and flows in blogging. i suppose it’s called finding your voice?
i feel like this time around, it’s not that i’m uninspired or tired of blogging. it’s that i feel like i’m too inspired and have no real direction. the part of me who started this blog with no intentions whatsoever tells me i need no direction. it’s my space, i can do what i want and all that jazz. this blog started the way thousands of other blogs do – to keep family and friends up to date on the monkey who expelled itself from my nether regions (good morning!). it’s been over 2 years since i started it and things have really changed. as much as i love sharing stories about Harper and being a mom, she’s getting to the age where i personally don’t feel comfortable talking about her as much. someday, sooner rather than later, i probably won’t talk about her at all. what will i talk about? how will Harper’s Happenings keep going? these are questions i ask myself, too.
i enjoy playing around with my style, um finding my style, and trying to inspire others to get dressed in things they like. but it’s not like i want to have a full on fashion blog. at the end of the day (lets be real for a second) the majority of my wardrobe is from target and goodwill. i have no idea WHAT i’m doing. i simply get dressed and hope it looks good. i really enjoy reading style blogs (a lot a lot a lot) but i personally could never have one for the simple fact i just wouldn’t feel right doling out advice about fashion. however, i couldn’t be more stoked about SOS and what it’s done for both how i feel about clothes and, if i may be so bold, the way it’s made other women feel about clothes. i love that i have a style “segment” if you will, but changing the Haps to a style blog is not something i would ever want to do (or could do in good conscience. hello.)
being a mom is the biggest most prominent part of my life. what would i write about if not Harper? will people be interested in me? one of the first things i get when i show up to a places alone is “where is Harper?” (i love that people love my chitlin that much, makes me smile every time). would the online equivalent of that happen here? and moreso – would i care if it did? she is definitely my little muse – maybe if i take her out of the big picture, blogging just won’t seem as important anymore.
the days i want to close up shop here are the ones where i see the reality of people shine through and it’s not particularly pretty. i have felt lately like there are a lot of fake people, people pleasers, users, etc. there are days i get sick of trying to figure out who is who and what person is legit and real and cares. sometimes i think i have that figured out but then i’m proven wrong. it’s all a bit much sometimes, so those are the days i simply do not exist online. offline i know who is real and who matters and who cares and those are the only important ones.
the days i can’t believe i even think about quitting the internet are the ones where i read something so good i stand up and pump my fist because my brain is so happy to have read it. the days where i share parts of myself more than just photos and cute stories and someone can relate and tells me so. the days when i read someone’s post and i relate so much i have to tell them. the days where i get a text from someone i only know because of the internet and can’t imagine not knowing them. shutting this mother down could mean not meeting other people i know i’m supposed to meet. or do i already know enough people? maybe too many people?
i have gotten much better lately at simply removing people i don’t enjoy or who seem fake from my online life. unsubscribe, unfollow or just stop speaking to. who has the time? i would hope that if my readers stopped liking my content they would do the same (seriously, why torture yourself?) and not stick around because they felt they had to. but i was doing that on some blogs, etc. not anymore. if it’s not my cup of tea, i’m not drinking it. no need for anyone to get huffy puffy – people change and so do tastes. let’s just let people leave quietly without berating them. your number of followers has NOTHING to do with your worth as a person, a writer, a blogger, anything. blogs in general should be entertainment. if you’re not entertained, made to think, inspired, etc, then peace out and don’t feel the least bit bad about it. further more, it’s entirely possible to like someone and not like their blog. and vice versa! you may feel a connection with me (ooh lala) but come to find you can’t stand the fact that i don’t use capital letters. no hard feelings if you need to bounce. promise.
thinking about blogging and my place in it has been very humbling. i cringe when i think of my early reviews and giveaways, asking for votes in things that didn’t matter (but they did to me at the time), and other things i thought i was supposed to do. the thing about blogging and the reason it’s so great is there is no blueprint. but it’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing and feel you’re supposed to do it, too. looking back, i know my mistakes, but i’ve learned from them. i will continue to make mistakes because i’m human and this space is no different from my real life – i’m learning as i go.
(this massive word vomit post for example, maybe i will regret it later. learning and junk!)
the bottom line is i love blogging. i love the people i know because of it, the fun opportunities it has brought me. i love having a place i can be me and share my life – the good and the bad – and put my pent up creativity to use. i love that i have a baby book of sorts for the nugget. i love that it has helped me figure out who i am and what i should be doing, and i love that people can come here and relate, start conversations and find other people they may connect with. the bad times in blogging are still far outweighed by the good. so i can’t in good faith quit. i’d miss it all too much.
you know how sometimes you just need to get it all out into the universe? that is what this post has been for me. it’s been in my drafts half written, then 3/4′s written, and if all goes well, i will finally hit publish. who knows. maybe it’s one of those letters you write but never send. that would be ok, too. i just needed to acknowledge and throw out how i’ve been feeling. i hoped i’d come home from BlogHer feeling ZOMGINSPIRED! and delete this post draft, but that didn’t happen. BH did reiterate to me that i’m supposed to be here, but these feelings of confusion still lingered. hopefully vomiting all of this into the blogosphere will do the trick.
if not…life goes on, right?
here, enjoy this regardless:
p.s. thanks for being here. you’re cheaper, and sweeter, than therapy.
Posted on | June 28, 2011 | 53 Comments
you know those days or weeks where you are just in a funk? the ones where you just feel a bit blue, or irritable, or lonely or just plain off? the ones where when someone asks you what’s wrong your only answer is “i don’t know”?
that.
i really don’t know. i’ve thought about it, lots. i’m just…blue. a light shade of blue, nothing life shattering. just off. i thought a week off the internet would clear it up but here i am still just…off. don’t get me wrong, the week away was glorious – maybe too glorious. who really knows the answer to such things? not me, that’s for sure. if i did, i sure as johnny depp wouldn’t be here blabbing to you about it.
any good tips out there for cheering up from an inexplicable shade of blue? i tried eating my feelings – they tasted amazing but i just feel bloated and tired now. do i need a special tea or supplement? a good old fashioned tire slashing? maybe a voodoo doll? but who would i poke? SIGH.
i’m thinking i just need to get back to basics. i need to get 100% back on the eating plan we were doing before. i felt my best both physically and mentally when i was drinking lots of water and eating fresh foods. i slept better, felt better, had more energy. we got a bit off track (like so far off track i can’t even see the damn thing) around my birthday (too much celebrating to do) but it’s time to get back to it. past time.
as far as blogging goes, the break was nice and i thought a lot about my space here and where i want it to go. also, back to basics. i started by removing the Haps from Top Baby Blogs. i don’t have a single bad word to say about TBB. the majority of my very best blog friends turned real life friends, i met because of that list. i know a LOT of you who follow this blog are here because of that list. i feel a huge reason my blog is what it is today is due to being part of TBB. but things change and well, i don’t have a baby anymore! this isn’t a baby blog – it just isn’t. it used to be. these days it’s a toddler-food-anderson cooper-fashion-lifestyle-phone pics-everything but the kitchen sink blog. i just don’t belong there anymore and every time the reset for votes happened, i felt positively icky asking for votes. in a “contest” no one ever wins. if i sounded conflicted every time i spoke about the list or asked for votes, it’s because i was. i hated the way that list made me feel, even though i do so appreciate all it gave me. most of all, i so appreciate you all for voting for me when i asked, and especially when i didn’t. it was good times! it’s just time for it to be over now.
as soon as i get out of this funk (seriously, vitamins? witch doctor?) things will be business as usual here. more style, more Harper, more random team haps goodness. for now though, i have some moping to do. maybe that’s it? i just need to give into the mope? for the love of michael c. hall, you guys.
so that you don’t leave me forever for someone much more upbeat and un-depressing, i’ll leave you with some pictures of our week. you know, fun happy stuff like playdates, kiddie pool action, and the cuteness that is the H-monster. who can be too mopey with this muffin basket full of rainbow kisses around?
i’m feeling better already.
keep looking »
