Posted on | January 11, 2012 | 139 Comments
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last week, i had a life changing experience.
like, the heavens (or whatever) opened up, michael c. hall looked down upon me and smiled. johnny depp did a roundhouse kick while kittens licked a tattoo of a narwhal onto me as an IV drip of the most perfect americano poured into my veins.
i had my first bra fitting.
you guys. LIFE CHANGING.
those of you who have had one, or multiple even, like normal people who don’t put off things like i do, probably just threw your hands up and yelled “I KNOW RIGHT!”. those of you who are in my boat and have never had one probably just covered your boobs at the thought of having someone fit you for a bra.
i’m here to suggest demand each and every one of you run, don’t walk, your ladies into a bra fitting RIGHT MEOW.
i was one of those lucky/unlucky ones who got boobs at the age of like 9 and got to figure out how i felt about that at the same time everyone else got to figure out how they felt about that. it was terrible, awkward, and i have never had a very good relationship with my boobs because of it. i resent them for lots of reasons – they made guys oogle me, take me less seriously, and most recently, they didn’t help me feed my baby when i needed them to. they aren’t my favorite, is what i’m saying.
so i guess instead of trying to make them the best they could be, i punished them by completely ignoring what would help them kick ace. LIKE A PROPER FITTING BRA. so i bought cheap bras at target in whatever size i assumed i was.
i’ve been wearing a 38 C or D for as long as i can remember. where did i get this number? one can only guess.
so last week, i was getting my stuff packed for a very important trip where i’d be on camera a lot. i told Scot there was no way i could go do such a thing with my ladies being all sad and…well, really effing sad. so i went to nordstrom for my first ever bra fitting. at 30 years old. that is approximately 21 years of boob-life without so much as someone measuring me or telling me my cup size.
so you can imagine my surprise/horror/omgwtf-ness as my boob handler matter-of-factly told me i was a 32DDD.
::crickets::
and you can imagine her surprise/HORROR/OMGWTF-ness as i informed her that i have been wearing OH MY GOD NOT THAT SIZE for my whole life. i wasn’t sure if she was going to hit me or pass out. i can only imagine what it’s like for a boob handler to hear how terribly boobs have been mistreated and neglected. it probably hurts their heart something fierce. suddenly in my head, my boobs in a bra too large and ill fitting sadly moped across a screen while sara mcLachlan sang in the background. i had the ASPCA commercial of breast situations happening.
she couldn’t get me the right size fast enough. within minutes my sisters were holstered into the most amazing, well fitting, glorious boob holster i had ever worn. it had memory foam cups you guys. and when i heard the size of my boobs, i was terrified i’d look like some sort of adult film star with the right size bra, but NO, they looked perky and not too big at all and that is when i saw ryan gosling. and he was all “hey girl. your boobies look hot today”.
since i doubt it’s appropriate to mouth kiss a boob handler, i thanked her profusely for changing my life and promised i’d come back to her for more bras in the near future (because let’s face it, i now own ONE bra that actually fits). when i put my old bra back on to go pay and leave, i think i heard my boobs say the f word. it wasn’t until then when i realized how dire my situation had been.
i will be mortally offended if those of you who have never had a bra fitting do not heed my advice to buck up and go get one. ESPECIALLY those of you with larger sisters. your life will be altered forever. your clothes will fit differently, your boobs will look amazing and you will all around be more comfortable. please do it. for the boobies.
tips before you go: shave your armpits and pick the sales person that looks the most friendly. they don’t see everything but you are in a bra-only situation. if you’re a mom, this probably won’t even bother you as everyone and their brothers have probably seen your nipples at some point, amirite? this is actually MILD compared to pushing a crotch monkey out of your nether regions.
be prepared to be at least a little bit shocked at your actual size. i mean, i was wearing a bra SIX INCHES too big for me around the chest. and 3-4 cups sizes TOO SMALL. no wonder my boobs were BFF’s with my belly button. GET THESE TATA’S SOME SUPPORT FOR CRYING IN THE RIVER. i learned that your shoulder straps should never be at the tightest, and same with your clasps in the back. that means the whole party is too big. there is also a correct way to get into a bra that involves a little shimmy at the end so they get into place. i went to nordstrom and had a wonderful experience, but i know a lot of places do bra fittings.
ok, i’m done. i think. hope you could read the post ok over the SINGING OF MY BOOBS. they have never been so happy.
now go back and re-read taking a drink every time you see the word boob. cheers!
Posted on | December 18, 2011 | 25 Comments
on Harper >> hat: target // sweater: sprockets, thrifted // jeans: gap // boots: carters, thrifted. on Mandy >> shirt, boots & jeans: target // scarf: h&m // jacket: f21 // bag: tribe (photo by Kat!)
so we actually stepped out for this fun afternoon on friday, but you know, details. Harper and i headed to seattle for an afternoon of holiday fun with some local bloggers and their kiddos and it was awesome!
first we swooped up Kat (she really is losin’ it) and the three of us headed north to downtown seattle to Macy’s santaland. we met up with a few amazing ladies – Jenny (you know, on the spot?), Marie (make and takes), allison (no time for flashcards), lyndsey (the stationery place), tammy (tammy’s two cents) and louise (momstart) – where our kiddos got their photos taken with santa (Harper’s 3rd time this year – ha). we even all hopped in for a group photo. it was so cute – all the reindeer were there and everything!
after that we headed out to grab some coffee and cocoa and treats. if you want to see some people try and burn you with their eyeballs alone, take a gaggle of kids into a downtown seattle coffee shop and order drinks for them and their mamas. i couldn’t help but giggle. sorry kidless patrons of seattle’s best – but we had fun!
when we were all set with our cups of holiday yumminess (the kids cocoa had whip cream, white chocolate shavings AND a chocolate stick – Harper was in love), we headed over to ride the carousel! Harper had never been on one, and watching her experience it was awesome. first she was realllly excited, then half way through she got a little unsure, then at the end she was back to having a BLAST. so much so that she threw an absolute tantrum when we got off – she wanted to go again soooo badly.
kat talks H down from the ledge about the carousel – man, she was INTO it.
a huge thanks to Jenny and Macy’s for putting together such a fun afternoon. H had a blast! and for being a total sickie, i had a lot of fun mahself.
what did you guys do this weekend?
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Posted on | November 2, 2011 | 49 Comments
i know a lot of you aren’t parents, so this post will probably be a skipper. i mean, i’m gonna talk about pee. a lot. some poop, too. i’m partially wondering why i feel the need to share our experience, because if there is one big thing i learned while doing this: every single parent is going to have a different experience. each kid really is different. but i may need this tidbit if i ever try to train another kid AND some of you may have a stubborn one like mine and if i can help even a little, i want to.
so like i mentioned before, we did the 3 day method (ha. haha. HAHAHAHA), which in a nutshell involves throwing all your diapers away (nothing to fall back on) and putting your kiddo in undies from day one. over the course of three days, you focus on keeping the undies dry (lots of praise for keeping them dry) and staying very close to them at all times so you can rush them to the bathroom when they have an accident (which they will), in hopes to teach them eventually what the urge feels like and to act on it. the potty is kept in the bathroom, and the child doesn’t just sit on it drinking juice all day so that they can actually learn the feeling associated with needing to go.
we stocked up on undies (like 30 pairs), flushable wipes, stickers and chocolate covered raisins (i feel a joke in there). i created a potty chart for Harper where she got a sticker and a chocolate covered raisin each time she peed. after 5 stickers on her chart she got to pick a toy (loaded up on things from the target dollar section). i was super nervous about not using any diapers, even at nap or night time, but i knew pull ups would just confuse her and they are friggin’ expensive! off we went into the great unknown (i was terrified, p.s).
day one we woke up and said bye bye to diapers (i waited until we ran out to start PTing) and put on undies. i was convinced at all times that pee was just going to come rushing out of her and it was gonna be peemageddon all over the house. i was scared. of pee! seriously, i was nervous. but i just kept telling her we keep our undies dry, put all of our pee in the toilet only and “be sure to tell mommy if you need to go pee!”. by the end of day one i was sick of hearing my own damn voice, and we were no closer to being potty trained. she had now put two and two together that drinking = peeing. and peeing = what mommy wanted her to do ( i was seriously begging for accidents so i’d at least have an opportunity to teach) so of course she refused to drink anything.
THIS CHILD.
the remainder of the “3 days” is a blur at this point but i can tell you it involved the following: refusing to drink, me talking about going potty A LOT, crying (both of us), pee on the ground and in the potty, WINE and more crying. it was honestly terrible. i started to get really worried we were doing the wrong thing or going about it the wrong way. i wanted to go back to diapers. I WANTED TO GO BACK TO DIAPERS. i hated every last second of potty training, and that is no lie.
day three came and went and we were not closer to being potty trained (or so it felt at that time). on day 5 she peed her pants at the pumpkin patch and i thought i’d lose my damn mind. i was so. fed. up. then i read that article and decided to calm the eff down about something so stupid and trivial. i talked to Scot about it and we decided we were going to continue to potty train, but stop talking about it. the method we started with said to constantly remind and encourage the child about needing to potty, where to potty, tell mommy/daddy when you need to go, etc. turns out my child? WANTS YOU TO STFU ABOUT ALL THAT NOISE.
the next morning, i woke up and vowed to not mention the potty once. if she peed, she peed. if i had to continue to clean up pee and wash undies all day, so be it. i was done torturing myself and her with this nonsense.
about 2 hours after she woke up we were playing with blocks and she stopped, looked at me and said “mommy? i need to go pee”. and then she did. and since that day (last wednesday)? not a single accident. she tells me every time she needs to go, does both pee and poop on the toilet, stays dry all night and at nap times (SERIOUSLY!) and is basically rocking the crap out this gig. pun intended.
on her birthday she successfully used a public toilet for the first time and today she used one again at target. basically, all hurdles have been jumped and we have a fully potty trained day and night kiddo in less than two weeks. it’s done and i could not be more proud of her.
i’d love to throw some tips in here at the end, but i don’t know what i could really say that would help. every person i’ve talked to about this topic has had a different experience with their kid. different ages of readiness, different things that worked for rewards (some kids are sticker people, some are candy, some could care less), kids who virtually train themselves. if i could go back and give myself one tip, it would be to RELAX. for the love of johnny depp, relax.
there are a few things i took away that i really do agree with on the 3 day method. one being the keeping the potty in the bathroom. you’re always going to have to go seek out a bathroom (in public, at a friends house, etc) so starting from the get go this way really helped us. i realize this part may not work for everyone, but skipping pull ups has been amazing. i thought i’d be a slave to some sort of diaper contraption for years and knowing that we won’t be is jig-inducing. but Harper was waking up dry for a while prior to this, so obviously this isn’t ideal for every kid (especially younger ones with tinier bladders). we also stop offering liquids about two hours before bed (unless she asks of course) and make sure she pees right before she goes down.
i’ll answer any questions in the comments of course, but like i said, what worked for us may not work for others (unless you also have a tiny dictator who hates it when you repeat the same thing over for 4 days and must have control over every last thing and isn’t easily persuaded by stickers or pleasing you in any way).
now that you’ve endured this last post about my child’s bathroom habits (seriously, won’t go here again, promise), lets play a fun game where you re-read it and drink every time you see a p-word. CHEERS!
Posted on | October 18, 2011 | 78 Comments
potty training? is seriously the biggest conundrum of our parenting career thus far. obviously we have a long road ahead of us full of god knows what, but in three years (almostttt)? this takes the cake.
today was day one of the 3 day method of potty training. i’m not really one for methods, because lalala all kids are different and the whatnot, but after the “methods” we have tried thus far (which included H peeing on the toilet, then her asking for a diaper and us giving her one – because apparently we are doormats) haven’t stuck. so yes, i’ll try a method. and thanks for calling it a three day so i can at least wrap my brain around a small amount of time this may take. even if it’s all lies, thank you for the illusion, method.
ahem.
so today was day one. you know Harper, right? well yeah. she’s…spirited. and stubborn. and at almost three, she is set in her ways a bit. but we have no diapers. so this was happening. she woke up, we threw her last diaper away and she picked out some hello kitty undies for the day. she was a little upset about saying goodbye to diapers, and even talked like a baby on purpose a couple of times today, but i feel like if you can recognize and then sing most of Moves Like Jagger, then you’re old enough to use a toilet. for the love of adam levine.
so our day begins. i show her the potty (seat on top of our big toilet with a step stool to get there). i kept repeating “just tell mommy if you have to go pee, ok?”. i said it again. and again. i said it so much i was sick of hearing it. we made muffins (that’s not a potty training joke, we really did bake muffins). i said it again. at 12:15 she hadn’t done anything. no accidents. no successes. no pee. huh.
a bit later she peed on hello kitty. and she was sad. but she had a tiny success in the toilet after that and got a sticker on her chart! and she was happy. then she peed on hello kitty again. twice. then she went down for a nap and stayed dry the whole time! and then she got up and peed on yo gabba gabba. just as i was about to call Scot to bring home wine, she told me she had to go. and then – she did! in the right place! party like it’s 1999! so exciting!
Scot came home soon after and i headed out for a much needed haircut (and ombre action). she had one accident while i was out. but when i got home, she told us she needed to go. she waltzed into the bathroom, took her own underwear down and peed. ON THE TOILET. BY HERSELF.
(i promise this is only exciting for us. or other people who have experienced how effing cool it is to have your child learn something such as understanding the feeling of needing to take a leak. i mean, you try explaining that feeling to someone who really only cares about cheese and seeing how many of their own toes they can fit in their mouth).
hugs. stickers. treats. hugs and excitement! and then, a mere few minutes later – pee in the underwear.::facepalm::
but? we are getting there. for day one, i feel mildly successful. the mediocre of potty trainers, we are. she’s asleep in underwear as we speak-type. there are many a pair of hello kitty undies in the wash. i expect to be awoken tonight to sheet changing and the likes. but we are getting there. i dislike these shenanigans greatly, but we are getting there. it’s starting to click. i hope to have good news and reports by the end of the week. Harper hopes to have a chart full of stickers and a special treat here and there. fingers crossed we both get what we want!
feel free to share your potty training woes in the comments. success stories welcome, puns suggested, commiserating encouraged. this ish is hard, yo.
oh and he brought wine anyways. love that guy.
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