Oh right, my blog. Hello WordPress dashboard! Hello the five of you who still come around to see if I’ve died or not! But seriously. Where have I been? The answer is nowhere exciting. Just kidding we are living the GLAMOROUS life over here. Just kidding again. Life is normal.
I can’t be the only person who feels like it was JUST the beginning of the year and now suddenly it’s half way through May? It’s very scary. Mostly because I’m not ready for legitimately anything coming up in our lives soon (oh a baby is going to exit my nether regions in 3 months? Do we need stuff for that?) and also because the child pictured above is all big and reading words and writing words and making jokes that are ridiculous and stuff.
When you have a toddler that turns into a kid, you kind of turn around and notice that well, we aren’t just dealing with a little person who needs some direction and is happy with just a park visit and some squeezy pouches of pureed food anymore. You have a KID who has struggles in school, needs constant stimulation and re-direction and all of that stuff and it’s super important to address because they are a legit person doing legit things now. We’ve been in this transition for a long time now. We have a 4 year old who is going into pre-K and needs to be ready for real school in a year. Academically, she’s money. Emotionally, well that’s a work in progress (forever and ever amen with kids, right?). This little lady of ours has spunk. We’ve always known that. She’s fucking fabulous, to put it lightly, and is easily the coolest person I know. With all that fabulousness comes it’s challenges. Homegirl feels all the feels. It’s all good, and it will be all good. It just takes a lot of work on our part, on her part, and well, that leaves me less time to be hanging around here being silly.
Then we have that guy making pee in my uterus (seriously thank you for the updates baby center – cannot unsee things like this). Pregnancy is cool but god is it also gross. Second time around seems to be more-so, at least for me. Not sure if it’s the boy hormones or just second time syndrome but I’m not sure I have ever felt so large and icky. I mean, I’ve accepted it you know? It just doesn’t make me hop out of bed in the morning and be like LET’S TAKE PHOTOS OF ME! In fact it’s quite the opposite. I’m pregnant in my upper arms, thighs and neck as well. But what can you do? You can cry and bitch on your blog about it, that’s what. TADA!
Her face about sums up how I feel these days.
In FANTASTIC news, our March of Dimes walk is on Saturday and we met and exceeded our team goal. I can’t say thank you enough to all of you who have generously donated – I really am blown away each and every time a new donation comes in. It means SO much to me that so many of you have helped and I’m excited to see where we are at next week and draw the winners of the raffle. If you haven’t donated/entered and would like to possibly win cool stuff while helping babies, click here. Seriously, so warm and fuzzy feeling over here.
This past summer Jenny the Bloggess came to Seattle on her book tour. I’ve loved her for a long time, just like everyone else who has an internet connection, so I was excited to see her again (in a not bathroom). I was also excited to go have a little girl time with my friend Kat, who is a total nut and a really scary driver. We ended up having some food and drink (one each – I’m only stating that so you know when you watch the video that we aren’t even remotely drunk) before the signing. Afterwards we decided we should do a vlog. About vlogging. In a dark mini-van in a parking lot. You’re welcome?
Don’t let yourself get sucked into all of Kat’s other videos – you’ll never get out and you might pee your pants. Not that I would know from experience or anything.
I don’t remember if I shared this one of the rest of our evening on my blog before, but if you enjoy the Punk Brewster opening song as much as I do (and if we’re going to be continue being friends I’m going to need that answer to be yes) then it’s worth another share.
You guys, my brain is just not right these days. I don’t know why, but each and every time I sit down to write my insides just give up and I can’t. Which is really annoying because I want to. I want to write. Not just blog, write. But I can’t and I don’t know why. (And it’s not pregnancy brain so please stop emailing me?).
Some days I feel like all I do anymore is throw up pictures, tell a little story and disappear for 4 days. While that is okay during what some may call “writers block”, it’s not what I want in the long term for this place. I read back on some old posts recently and was so happy to be reminded of little things here and there that Harper did, things I felt, places we went. Of course I wish my brain could remember all of it, but it can’t, so it rests here. Which I am so grateful for. Which is why I don’t want to not be able to write.
Things are great. Really great. Part of me feels like things are boring they are so great. Nothing mind blowing spectacular is happening around here (hence the boring), but to me? In my terms? That is great. We get up, do our daily routine, hug, laugh, yell, cry, hug, roll our eyes, kiss and go to bed. It’s all full of love, which also makes it great. Let me say great again. THE THINGS? THEY ARE GREAT.
Now it doesn’t even look/feel like a word anymore! You’re welcome!
Part of me wishes I had followed suit and taken part in NaBloPoMo so I would have had to force myself to open up my dashboard and do whatever this is I’m doing now, every day for a whole month. Sure there would have been days when I’d just have to post simply WHY DID I DO THIS TO YOU TO MYSELF SOMEONE HELP ME, but hell at least I’d have opened her up and tried you know?
When Harper was a bit younger I’d stay up all hours drinking tea (okay sometimes wine)(shoot girl you know it was most times) and pounding the keyboard, going through photos of the week, telling our stories. I never do that anymore. Sometimes I hit up the coffee shop while she’s at school and blog a bit but I remember when this was my nightly thing. I’d be so tired in the morning, but happy to have emptied my brain, had some great Twitter conversations, and shit, my kid still napped two times a day. These days I’m in bed by 10, exhausted from a long day of simply negotiating with a seemingly bipolar small human who is trying to murder me by way of cute and horribleness. Naps are not a regular thing around here anymore (tiny violin) so I need my sleep at night so my head doesn’t spin off into the atmosphere during the day from the incessant whining. Why is there so much whining? Whyyyyyy. Luckily there is more hilarity than whining which prevents me from giving her to the circus. Though truth be told, on the bad days, I sometimes wonder if she wouldn’t be happy to go do that just to get away from me.
That’s a regular mom-feeling right? Lie to me!
So anyways, here I am. Glass of wine, open laptop, 11pm, no pants on. Legit! I am wearing no pants. It’s pretty freeing, kind of like writing this post. A thing I used to do all the time with no trouble at all. Here’s to trying a little bit harder.
And for no reason at all except the cute, I present you with this:
A photo I didn’t even take! Because I haven’t taken a photo since November 3rd! I don’t even know who I am anymore!