Posted on | October 4, 2010 | 15 Comments
dear h,
well, here we are. one month away from your 2nd birthday. what can i say that i haven’t said before? i’ve told you how much i love you. how funny, bright and wonderful you are and how i am so proud to be your mama. i’ve said how much you’ve changed my life, made me look at things in a new way, and how you’ve completely made me a better person in every way possible. i’ve told you all of that. but the truth is, none of it will ever stop being true so i will probably never stop taking the opportunity to tell you all these things.
it’s nearly impossible for me to grasp the fact that we will be waving goodbye to one soon. i loved one, you learned so much and are a completely different creature than you were 11 months ago. one has been full of walking, talking, eating and learning on your part, and patience, joy exuberance and learning on mine. you no longer accept a fresh diaper, a bottle or a nice nap as currency in your world to make you happy – you’ve figured out exactly what you want and how to get it, and how to show your wild distaste if you don’t. sometimes i have to hide my smile and stifle my laughter when you throw a tantrum because it’s just that funny. dramatics are your thing and i hate to say it, but i know where you got it from.
you’re still a very little thing, our little gnome. as i type this you are snoozing away in your 18 month jammies. you have the cutest little stubby legs and tiny fingers. i like that you’re on the small side, it helps me to deny the fact that you are growing up (you’ll understand someday). you count to 10 in english and spanish, which blows my mind. you regularly attempt to give me heart attacks by head diving off the couch yelling “ready…GO!” (your auntie bree is proud) and test my patience hourly with a look on your face that proves you know exactly what you’re doing. nothing, however, can beat it when you give me a hug and a kiss and say “night night mommy. i love you! see you soon!” as i put you to bed.
these days, we are planning your birthday party. it will be fun and you’ll be surrounded by people who love you. we will celebrate your growing and thriving and getting to 2 (and our abilities as parents to get you there!) and i will be thrilled to celebrate. but for now? i’m holding hard onto one, enjoying these last few weeks of you being my baby. and i will try not to be sad as i remember how tiny you used to be, how you used to fit on my chest and sleep, how i could effortlessly carry you in the moby wrap because you weighed barely anything. i will focus on how smart you are, how healthy, how absolutely delightful of a little human you have become. because you are.
happy last month of one, nugget.
love,
mommy
Posted on | August 31, 2010 | 22 Comments
dear Harper girl,
do you see this picture of you? it pretty accurately depicts where you are right now. at just a few months away from the big 2, you are becoming such a big girl, but you are still my baby. your hair is getting long and thick, your rolls are almost completely gone (even the wrist ones are almost non existent – i will miss those so!), but you still want your binky to comfort you.
there are times i cannot fathom you will be 2 soon. it seems we just had your first birthday. but then i think of all you’ve accomplished since then – and you seem like a different kiddo altogether. these days you are putting sentences together, learning to be so polite (thank you, please and even you’re welcome) and you’re becoming so aware of people’s feelings. it’s amazing to see you understand new concepts and there are times i can see the gears in your head moving. i’ve said it before (and probably will again), but watching you learn is one of my favorite things. seeing new things through your eyes is incredible and a true gift.
as a baby, you never went through that clingy phase. you welcome everyone into your world with open arms and never really showed much favoritism to me as your mama. but now? our days are filled with hugs, cuddles and you turn to me immediately for reassurance with things. everything is “please, mommy?” and “ok mommy!” and “thanks mommy”. it melts my heart. it really is the best sound in the world, your little voice saying mommy. and between you and me? i kinda like being clung to. you can keep that up for a bit if you’d like.
most days i feel my heart and mind may explode with the pride and love i have for you. becoming your mom was and continues to be the joy of my life. the big 2 will be hard on your mama, but i absolutely love the little person you are growing to be. i hope you always know how much i adore you. and let’s try and be easy on each other (and daddy) as we enter the “terrible twos”, shall we?
also, we need to discuss your ketchup habit.
love you so much nugget.
xo,
mommy
Posted on | June 29, 2010 | 39 Comments
dear Harper,
the other night i had a hard time falling asleep. i was thinking of my upcoming trip in a few months and leaving you for the first time. the thought of it really makes my heart sad and gives me a big knot in my throat. i know you won’t even know i’m gone and you’ll be having so much fun with your daddy and both of your grandmas, but still it makes me anxious. it’s going to be much harder on me than you!
i was tossing and turning, unable to sleep when you cried out over the monitor. you do this a few times a night, and always quickly put yourself back to sleep (most of the time i swear you’re not even awake), but this time i welcomed the excuse to get up and see you. i came into your room and scooped you up, along with your blankie and binkie (both of which you pronounce the same :]), pressed play on the cd player and sat down in the rocking chair.
as i listened to the lulabies play, i thought about how little you used to be. this cd has been in the player since you very first started sleeping in your own room. as we rocked i noticed you now stretch from my knees all the way up to my shoulder. i held you tightly and stroked your hair, which has grown so long into tiny curls in the back. you were clutching your blankie and i could feel you sucking your pacifier against my shoulder. we sat, we rocked, i cried. time goes so quickly and everyone tells you that but it is never as clear as it is now. soon years will have passed and you will no longer fit on my lap, let alone my chest. you will not be interested in such things as cuddling with your mom, so i cherish these moments whenever they present themselves, and always have. if time could be bottled, i’d use it on the time spent with you in that chair, just the two of us in the dark rocking.
after about 20 minutes i knew you were back to sleep. i wiped my face, squeezed you tight and told you i loved you.
a tiny, sleepy voice said back “luh you”.
you won’t remember this moment, but i always, always will.
love,
mommy
Posted on | June 20, 2010 | 14 Comments
dear harper,
today was your daddy’s 2nd fathers day. our grand plans of going to the park and hanging out in the sunshine were foiled by the weather so we didn’t do much, but as he went to be just now, he told me what a great day it was. all he wanted to do was spend it with us. with you.
you’ll learn many things about your daddy as you grow older and i can’t wait to see what kind of special relationship you two will continue to have. already you guys have the most fun together, running and playing, tickle fights, you climbing all over him – it’s my favorite part of the day. i love watching the way your face lights up when you hear his car pull up after work and you say “daddy!”. seeing you two hold hands and walk melts my heart.
one thing i’ll never forget is his face when you were born. he fell instantly in love with you, i saw it happen. i hope you always see what you mean to him. he works so very hard for you and i, so we can be at home together and have all the things we need – a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes to wear. he is our hero and the rock of this family.
you are so very lucky to have him as your daddy.
love,
mommy
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dear h,
